And for me to actually put that into words and state the obvious means that if you are within earshot, or generally a 100 foot radius, you should be rather wary of any movements I make. Like I've said before, when provoked, I'm like the antichrist but with a little less charm.
My day consisted of some disappointment, general hurt, betrayal, feeling not quite good enough (oh, and this wasn't imagined, this was something actually voiced!), sleep deprived, over worked, and generally shit upon.
So, what's a girl to do? Why, turn into a nasty-ass bitch, that's what. At one point, I almost started to cry. Then, it downright pissed me off that all this crap revolving around my job was making me feel that way; I resented it. Before I knew it I was in full Bitch Mode. Funny thing is, when I get to that stage, I barely speak. If I do, it's one-word answers spoken in a tone so low you have to strain to hear. If you push me, I will speak but you definitely won't like what you hear.
It was pretty much all I could do to not rip someone's head off. And then to have one of the culprits trying to be nice to you when all you really want to do is stab them in the fucking eye is just great. They know they hurt you and are trying to be nice. Nope. Not gonna work here, buddy. They are trying to redeem themselves (superficially) and bond with me while I'm getting more and more irritated, eventually calculating the best combo and dosages of cardiac meds that it would take to crush and mix with their beverage to have to call a code. Fucking bastards.
I said: look, I don't want to talk anymore. Not to you. Not now. I'm thinking: it would be a fine time to stop trying to joke around and acting like nothing is wrong. Something is very wrong and you are a part of it. Furthermore, do not patronize me. I'm on to you. You, who have knowingly hurt me, have no right to spend any more time in my head. But I'm sure you will. Because I can't discard you the way some people around here manage to discard others.
And, some fucking asshair cut in front of me and took the parking spot I was in the midst of pulling into. I thought, what the fuck, my car is 12 years old and a hell of a lot more solid than his... I should plow into him effectively shoving the back seat of his car up his ass. Saving grace? I didn't want to spill my frappucino or have to immediately shop for a new car. See, I still have some logic.
At this moment, I hate my job. I'm learning that people are so full of shit their breath smells. But I knew that. Let me tell you, if this new director doesn't get that place into shape, and soon, I'll be out of there. I mean, she can't stop people (even the ones in high places that I'm referring to) from being idiots and acting inbred but she damn well better try.
The people where I work blow dirty ass. Guess it's time to play hardball. Oh, I'll play alright. Best part is that they all think I'm so sweet, albeit a bit weird. They've got no fucking idea what goes on in my head. No idea what they are bringing out. I'd rather they don't, but if the gloves are off, I've got no ploblem then.
I'm ready to just get in my car with whatever I can pack and GO. Where? No idea. Maybe to where you are, hard to say.
Man I hate bad days at work.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Crank 'em up, turn 'em down!
A funny thing happened to me today. Well, not so much funny really as, well, I'm not sure what the word is. As much as its a bad thing, its a good thing. Kind of like the calm before the storm. No wait. That's not it at all; that's the opposite! Ok. You know how people say things get worse before they get better? Ok, yeah, kind of like that. (Look, I was born blonde - give me a break here!)
So I've been monitoring myself over the past few days and realized that I am just at odds with myself in just about every aspect. One moment I'm sweet and kind (yes, I do still have that ability) and the next I sound like I'm a finalist in the Tourette's Syndrome Quack-Off. I find that I start a conversation with a coworker about, uh, work, and soon find myself drifting off, babbling quietly about the merits of can openers and wondering aloud why Kojak always had that damned lollipop. Yeah. As you can imagine I've been getting alot of blank stares lately. Once the artful string of obscenities kicks in they tend to start backing away, too.
But. Here's the thing. I think I know why this is happening. It's apparently part of my mental molt, if you will. I'm preparing for a morph of sorts. It's always rockiest near the end of the morph, when the new entity is emerging (think nature, not horror movie) and has some sort of awareness of the changes going on. Of course, I hope I'm not morphing into the All Time Champ of the aforementioned Quack-Off, but hey, it's still hard to tell. It's all part of a change. One part is sort of dying off and a new part is learning that it has to take over. There's bound to be internal conflict, right?!
Although you may be thinking I've lost whatever sanity was lurking in the recesses of my mind, this actually makes sense to me. I'm trying to back off and not even figure out exactly which part is relinquishing control and which is trying to take the reins because it's not for me to know yet. It's the process of it all, not an event. If I simply let these things battle it out without intervening, just accepting it as part of whatever is going on, I think I may be able to weather this with fewer damages. Think of it like this; you wouldn't stick your hand in to separate two dogs fighting - you'd wait until it was safe.
Perhaps it's so hard now because I'm trying to force something that I know nothing about. My role should begin soon enough.
I'll still make you all proud in the Quack-Off though, promise! =)
So I've been monitoring myself over the past few days and realized that I am just at odds with myself in just about every aspect. One moment I'm sweet and kind (yes, I do still have that ability) and the next I sound like I'm a finalist in the Tourette's Syndrome Quack-Off. I find that I start a conversation with a coworker about, uh, work, and soon find myself drifting off, babbling quietly about the merits of can openers and wondering aloud why Kojak always had that damned lollipop. Yeah. As you can imagine I've been getting alot of blank stares lately. Once the artful string of obscenities kicks in they tend to start backing away, too.
But. Here's the thing. I think I know why this is happening. It's apparently part of my mental molt, if you will. I'm preparing for a morph of sorts. It's always rockiest near the end of the morph, when the new entity is emerging (think nature, not horror movie) and has some sort of awareness of the changes going on. Of course, I hope I'm not morphing into the All Time Champ of the aforementioned Quack-Off, but hey, it's still hard to tell. It's all part of a change. One part is sort of dying off and a new part is learning that it has to take over. There's bound to be internal conflict, right?!
Although you may be thinking I've lost whatever sanity was lurking in the recesses of my mind, this actually makes sense to me. I'm trying to back off and not even figure out exactly which part is relinquishing control and which is trying to take the reins because it's not for me to know yet. It's the process of it all, not an event. If I simply let these things battle it out without intervening, just accepting it as part of whatever is going on, I think I may be able to weather this with fewer damages. Think of it like this; you wouldn't stick your hand in to separate two dogs fighting - you'd wait until it was safe.
Perhaps it's so hard now because I'm trying to force something that I know nothing about. My role should begin soon enough.
I'll still make you all proud in the Quack-Off though, promise! =)
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Monkeys - in a long line...
Did you ever stumble upon something that, once you read it, it gives you some sort of clarity that you forgot existed? Well, I just experienced it. Not that it fixed my life, nor can it fix yours, but sometimes people have a way of communicating and it sheds new light on things.
Anyway, what I'm babbling about is something written by Matthew Good. For anyone that knows me well enough, I don't even have to state just what I think of this man. He's actually the reason I have a blog at all. Seriously. (Don't send him nasty-grams over that fact, please.) As with all blogs lately, I've slacked off and haven't kept up to date with his. After checking in today, it would appear that he is going through an emotionally tumultous time and in doing so, has shared some of his thoughts.
Now. I could sing (no pun intended) his praises at this point but I'll refrain. Visit MatthewGood.org and he will do that all by himself. But what I would like to do is copy his posts here. If you don't read, I won't be offended, I just think that it gives alot to consider, that's all. And if you want even more to think about, definitely go to the blog; it is far more than a music blog.
Wealth
When you are remembered, even if just among a handful of family or friends or acquaintances, let it be for your decency. Know that all of us have faults, and that while we have had it drilled into us that we must endeavor to overcome them, that they are an intrinsic part of who and what we are. To despise such a real and natural part of ourselves only produces prisons of denial, and thus cities, nations, and continents of inmates.
We might be strangers you and I, but at what point does that deter our shared emotional realities from being exchanged? We all feel the same things, and yet the thought of honestly and openly conveying our emotions is seen as personal treason.
I remember it like it was yesterday. She leaned into the mini-van in which the band was waiting to return to the hotel. She grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes, and thanked me for saving her life.
She was a complete stranger.
I had no idea how to react. I sat there in stunned silence as she quietly cried and smiled at me, my one hand firmly held between her two. It seemed as though hours passed between us, her standing silently on the curb, me awkwardly sitting in the seat nearest the door, my feet swung onto the running board, my bag in my lap.
And then, just as suddenly as it had happened, she dropped my hand, stepped back, security closed the door, and the van sped away.
I never saw that woman again, but on that night I became the wealthiest man in the world. And were I to have never written another note, sang another syllable, penned another story, or known another day, I would no doubt still perish from this earth contented.
Wealth is not measured by the size of houses, the speed of cars, the price of handbags, the trendy eateries and lounges frequented by celebrities, or the purity of the drugs that those who consider themselves fashionable funnel up their noses. That sort of wealth can be attained by simply being born the son or daughter of financially wealthy parents, climbing dirty ladders, or marrying someone.
Our acts determine our true wealth.
When someone says that they love you, and you know that they mean it to their very core, that there is no doubt in any cell in your entire body that they are unconditionally sincere – then you are wealthy. There is no question that, for a time, financial wealth can secure the placebo of love, but it cannot create it. It cannot manufacture true love, just as it cannot ensure or secure happiness. To give ourselves to others openly and honestly, and to conduct ourselves with integrity and concern for the feelings of others, even if complete strangers, represents the sum total of our riches.
As I sit here looking out the window, lost in the haze of twilight, memories, and the talons of despair, I see a city filled only with poor people.
And I wonder how that happened.
After writing that, there was a flood of comments. His response?...
Comment by Matthew Good on August 5, 2006 2:21 pm
I want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and support. To have fans like you is beyond the wildest dreams of what people in my profession hope for and I am truly blessed that I have had such a long-term, supportive group of people with which to share my work, thoughts, and life.
The last six months have been fraught with severe anxiety and sadness (I was, in fact, admitted to hospital in Kingston for nervous exhaustion – which is the real reason why those shows got cancelled). I was powerless throughout that period of time, having to learn to live with one person’s almost adolescent indifference regarding something that I have always considered one of the most solemn and serious commitments in the world. I would have liked to have sought professional help, but that wasn’t something that was an option. And as the months progressed everything slowly slid further into a dark fog from which I have so far been unable to emerge.
It’s difficult to wake up in the morning and think beyond the confusion and tension that grips me on a daily basis. I know that it will one day subside, perhaps not entirely, but were I to impart any advice to you given my experience – make sure that love is real. Test it to its limits and ensure that it is not something that another views as easy to walk away from, as if little more than an uncomfortable handshake. There are those that would claim to love you and at the same time claim they need space – know that that is not a sign of true love, but only one person’s inability to simply be honest and straightforward, to admit that their understanding of love is limited towards you. True love lost, or the loss of love at all, is not something replaced within a year (let alone found anew in a matter of a few months with someone of, not ironically, financial wealth). And if someone that has claimed to love you can so easily abandon their feelings and look to secure greener pastures with little regard for the heart, then they were never to be trusted in the first place.
But most importantly, never forget that it is not your fault that it has happened, but rather their immaturity and selfishness that has ultimately been fully exposed.
I am not so jaded to think that people can’t endeavor to change, or to right those wrongs committed, but it is so rarely done these days that to expect it, or even hope for it, is usually time and energy wasted. But that should never deter us from wasting a little time now and then.
I wish nothing but happiness for all here, and even for those who will never come again.
Again, thank-you all for your kind words and support.
Something about what he wrote and the words he chose really made me think. I've got plenty to think of already lately but this may help put a different spin on things. Occasionally we need a new view because it is all too easy to get caught up in our usual patterns of thought.
If you've read this far, I hope that something in his words spoke to you in some way, whether to solidify what you already know or to give you more to think about.
Anyway, what I'm babbling about is something written by Matthew Good. For anyone that knows me well enough, I don't even have to state just what I think of this man. He's actually the reason I have a blog at all. Seriously. (Don't send him nasty-grams over that fact, please.) As with all blogs lately, I've slacked off and haven't kept up to date with his. After checking in today, it would appear that he is going through an emotionally tumultous time and in doing so, has shared some of his thoughts.
Now. I could sing (no pun intended) his praises at this point but I'll refrain. Visit MatthewGood.org and he will do that all by himself. But what I would like to do is copy his posts here. If you don't read, I won't be offended, I just think that it gives alot to consider, that's all. And if you want even more to think about, definitely go to the blog; it is far more than a music blog.
Wealth
When you are remembered, even if just among a handful of family or friends or acquaintances, let it be for your decency. Know that all of us have faults, and that while we have had it drilled into us that we must endeavor to overcome them, that they are an intrinsic part of who and what we are. To despise such a real and natural part of ourselves only produces prisons of denial, and thus cities, nations, and continents of inmates.
We might be strangers you and I, but at what point does that deter our shared emotional realities from being exchanged? We all feel the same things, and yet the thought of honestly and openly conveying our emotions is seen as personal treason.
I remember it like it was yesterday. She leaned into the mini-van in which the band was waiting to return to the hotel. She grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes, and thanked me for saving her life.
She was a complete stranger.
I had no idea how to react. I sat there in stunned silence as she quietly cried and smiled at me, my one hand firmly held between her two. It seemed as though hours passed between us, her standing silently on the curb, me awkwardly sitting in the seat nearest the door, my feet swung onto the running board, my bag in my lap.
And then, just as suddenly as it had happened, she dropped my hand, stepped back, security closed the door, and the van sped away.
I never saw that woman again, but on that night I became the wealthiest man in the world. And were I to have never written another note, sang another syllable, penned another story, or known another day, I would no doubt still perish from this earth contented.
Wealth is not measured by the size of houses, the speed of cars, the price of handbags, the trendy eateries and lounges frequented by celebrities, or the purity of the drugs that those who consider themselves fashionable funnel up their noses. That sort of wealth can be attained by simply being born the son or daughter of financially wealthy parents, climbing dirty ladders, or marrying someone.
Our acts determine our true wealth.
When someone says that they love you, and you know that they mean it to their very core, that there is no doubt in any cell in your entire body that they are unconditionally sincere – then you are wealthy. There is no question that, for a time, financial wealth can secure the placebo of love, but it cannot create it. It cannot manufacture true love, just as it cannot ensure or secure happiness. To give ourselves to others openly and honestly, and to conduct ourselves with integrity and concern for the feelings of others, even if complete strangers, represents the sum total of our riches.
As I sit here looking out the window, lost in the haze of twilight, memories, and the talons of despair, I see a city filled only with poor people.
And I wonder how that happened.
After writing that, there was a flood of comments. His response?...
Comment by Matthew Good on August 5, 2006 2:21 pm
I want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and support. To have fans like you is beyond the wildest dreams of what people in my profession hope for and I am truly blessed that I have had such a long-term, supportive group of people with which to share my work, thoughts, and life.
The last six months have been fraught with severe anxiety and sadness (I was, in fact, admitted to hospital in Kingston for nervous exhaustion – which is the real reason why those shows got cancelled). I was powerless throughout that period of time, having to learn to live with one person’s almost adolescent indifference regarding something that I have always considered one of the most solemn and serious commitments in the world. I would have liked to have sought professional help, but that wasn’t something that was an option. And as the months progressed everything slowly slid further into a dark fog from which I have so far been unable to emerge.
It’s difficult to wake up in the morning and think beyond the confusion and tension that grips me on a daily basis. I know that it will one day subside, perhaps not entirely, but were I to impart any advice to you given my experience – make sure that love is real. Test it to its limits and ensure that it is not something that another views as easy to walk away from, as if little more than an uncomfortable handshake. There are those that would claim to love you and at the same time claim they need space – know that that is not a sign of true love, but only one person’s inability to simply be honest and straightforward, to admit that their understanding of love is limited towards you. True love lost, or the loss of love at all, is not something replaced within a year (let alone found anew in a matter of a few months with someone of, not ironically, financial wealth). And if someone that has claimed to love you can so easily abandon their feelings and look to secure greener pastures with little regard for the heart, then they were never to be trusted in the first place.
But most importantly, never forget that it is not your fault that it has happened, but rather their immaturity and selfishness that has ultimately been fully exposed.
I am not so jaded to think that people can’t endeavor to change, or to right those wrongs committed, but it is so rarely done these days that to expect it, or even hope for it, is usually time and energy wasted. But that should never deter us from wasting a little time now and then.
I wish nothing but happiness for all here, and even for those who will never come again.
Again, thank-you all for your kind words and support.
Something about what he wrote and the words he chose really made me think. I've got plenty to think of already lately but this may help put a different spin on things. Occasionally we need a new view because it is all too easy to get caught up in our usual patterns of thought.
If you've read this far, I hope that something in his words spoke to you in some way, whether to solidify what you already know or to give you more to think about.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I've watched you change
Unless you are from bizarre realm, I think you'll be able to identify with this. Or, if I'm the one from the bizarre realm, you won't. Either way.
I'm experiencing one of those times in life when absolutely nothing is right. What was right five minutes ago is now wrong. What I once thought was wrong, perhaps a few days ago, is not right again. The effort to keep up is futile yet out of stubbornness I try. It's not completely unlike some TV gameshow only I have a better theme song for it. It's almost as if this song is running through my veins lately. Cheery theme song, no; better theme song, yes.
Another peculiar aspect of this time is that I find I'm drawing away from the people that I once found some sort of comfort in. Kind of like I'm distancing myself from the inevitable.
So, here I sit, forming a nice protective bubble around me in an attempt to salvage something before it all leaks out into the ether. Just one problem with that plan... it sucks, too! Doing a temporary shutdown seems reasonable but not plausible because, well, life still goes on.
How is it possible to feel too much and not enough all at the same time? Have the drive to change things then pull away? Instead, I start telling everyone to fuck off (if not in words, in actions) so there is distance. When things go down it won't be pretty. I don't like to be seen that way. Plus, if I separate myself now, the realization of the loss of them may not hit quite as hard. Think of it as prepwork.
Or borderline psychosis. Meh, hard to say, really. Still sucks though. But things always rebuild. Until then, I'll just sit here - wings pulled off.
I'm experiencing one of those times in life when absolutely nothing is right. What was right five minutes ago is now wrong. What I once thought was wrong, perhaps a few days ago, is not right again. The effort to keep up is futile yet out of stubbornness I try. It's not completely unlike some TV gameshow only I have a better theme song for it. It's almost as if this song is running through my veins lately. Cheery theme song, no; better theme song, yes.
Another peculiar aspect of this time is that I find I'm drawing away from the people that I once found some sort of comfort in. Kind of like I'm distancing myself from the inevitable.
So, here I sit, forming a nice protective bubble around me in an attempt to salvage something before it all leaks out into the ether. Just one problem with that plan... it sucks, too! Doing a temporary shutdown seems reasonable but not plausible because, well, life still goes on.
How is it possible to feel too much and not enough all at the same time? Have the drive to change things then pull away? Instead, I start telling everyone to fuck off (if not in words, in actions) so there is distance. When things go down it won't be pretty. I don't like to be seen that way. Plus, if I separate myself now, the realization of the loss of them may not hit quite as hard. Think of it as prepwork.
Or borderline psychosis. Meh, hard to say, really. Still sucks though. But things always rebuild. Until then, I'll just sit here - wings pulled off.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Ohhhh, the wheels on the bus go round and round...
Well, ok, so I have a car not a bus, but the wheels still go round and round. Er, hopefully. I've got a good four hours of straightening up, packing and general 'getting ready' to do plus ideally eight hours of sleeping to add into the mix and only approximately nine hours to do it in. Before I leave for Ohio, I mean. Something tells me that the sleep portion will suffer. Meh, what am I gonna do this late in the game? Right? Right! Oh, I know... write a post! Yes, taking more time away from what I should be doing will be just the thing to make everything flow smoothly. I never was big on time management. Does it show?
So. There's this thing that has been bugging me. Now, if I end up offending anyone with what I am about to say, too bad. I really don't care. (Yeah, I never attended finishing school either; shocking, isn't it?) Alright. I know it's summer here and the temperature has been hovering around that of the foyer in Hades, but still, does that really give license to wear 'almost clothes'?
My guess is that many guys are all for this 'fashion' trend - and I use the term loosely. About as loose as it makes the females wearing it look. The trend appears to be as follows. Go to your local thrift shop and find a nice wide belt circa 1984. Take said belt home, hem it up a bit... and wear it as a skirt. This look is often completed with a stunning pair of Hoochie-Mama shoes with fake wooden wedge heels from the local discount store. Although I find all the teetering on the four inch wedge heels kind of amusing, what I don't find funny is the ridiculous length (or lack thereof) of the skirt. Unless you are playing tennis and it's acceptable to boldly show your undergarments, this is seriously out of place. Tennis skirts are conservative compared to these!
I have nothing against short skirts but I do think there is a limit. When it resembles more of a belt than an actual article of clothing it becomes tacky. I'm at least grateful for the chubby girls wearing them because I can see that they are well filled out and I'm in no danger of catching glimpses of things I shouldn't be seeing. Now, the skinny little girls, they scare me. Not enough to fill in the skirt, wobbly heels, add in a few drinks to accentuate the lack of balance, she drops her purse and look out world! My eyes! My eyes! It's peculiar to think that I could, in theory, get further just driving past a stranger on my way home from work than on a date with a guy. Then again, I haven't been on any dates lately and I'd hope he wouldn't be wearing a skirt. Sorry - different post entirely, that one.
They just look awkward. I think I'd feel like I was just in my underwear or something. I suppose it just irritates me that when I'm driving home at one in the morning, trying to dodge the drunks, some little piece of fluff comes tottering out of a bar and gets my attention, taking my eyes off the road because I think the poor thing is half naked and trying to stumble to safety. In the end, it would appear that she is just a victim of the 'shitty dressing gene' and may in fact not own a mirror.
Damn them.
So. There's this thing that has been bugging me. Now, if I end up offending anyone with what I am about to say, too bad. I really don't care. (Yeah, I never attended finishing school either; shocking, isn't it?) Alright. I know it's summer here and the temperature has been hovering around that of the foyer in Hades, but still, does that really give license to wear 'almost clothes'?
My guess is that many guys are all for this 'fashion' trend - and I use the term loosely. About as loose as it makes the females wearing it look. The trend appears to be as follows. Go to your local thrift shop and find a nice wide belt circa 1984. Take said belt home, hem it up a bit... and wear it as a skirt. This look is often completed with a stunning pair of Hoochie-Mama shoes with fake wooden wedge heels from the local discount store. Although I find all the teetering on the four inch wedge heels kind of amusing, what I don't find funny is the ridiculous length (or lack thereof) of the skirt. Unless you are playing tennis and it's acceptable to boldly show your undergarments, this is seriously out of place. Tennis skirts are conservative compared to these!
I have nothing against short skirts but I do think there is a limit. When it resembles more of a belt than an actual article of clothing it becomes tacky. I'm at least grateful for the chubby girls wearing them because I can see that they are well filled out and I'm in no danger of catching glimpses of things I shouldn't be seeing. Now, the skinny little girls, they scare me. Not enough to fill in the skirt, wobbly heels, add in a few drinks to accentuate the lack of balance, she drops her purse and look out world! My eyes! My eyes! It's peculiar to think that I could, in theory, get further just driving past a stranger on my way home from work than on a date with a guy. Then again, I haven't been on any dates lately and I'd hope he wouldn't be wearing a skirt. Sorry - different post entirely, that one.
They just look awkward. I think I'd feel like I was just in my underwear or something. I suppose it just irritates me that when I'm driving home at one in the morning, trying to dodge the drunks, some little piece of fluff comes tottering out of a bar and gets my attention, taking my eyes off the road because I think the poor thing is half naked and trying to stumble to safety. In the end, it would appear that she is just a victim of the 'shitty dressing gene' and may in fact not own a mirror.
Damn them.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Ok, this is rich...
Last Friday I took a day off work to go to Ohio but ended up not going because of the flooding. Left to cover the shift was the other guy I normally work with (he's been there about seven weeks) and they called in another person with approximately the same amount of experience as him to cover for me. Both more than capable to cover things for a night with the help of the Pharmacists. So, I get there today and was met with all this panic and jumbles of words thrown at me. Once the cacophony quieted, I learned of the problem... my absence. It would seem that when the Saturday morning crew came in there were orders for meds laying strewn all over the counters that were never filled. Med orders! Not filled! In a hospital! So who do they tell... me! See, it would be too easy to tell the people that didn't do the work. Oh no, that's just not a viable option. They tell me. Me. I wasn't even there!
Oh wait. That's their point, isn't it? I have a suspicion that I'm going to have to BEG for days off from now on. Sometimes doing your job well does have a bit of a down side.
On the bright side, tonight I took on our tempermental med pre-packing machine head on. (You know, the one with no operator's manual.) It gave quite a load of shit that ended in numerous rolls of tape gluing themselves together, meds being crushed, said crushed meds burning on hot rollers and the eventual shut down of the job. Heh. Little did the machine know that the Queen of Stubborn was at the helm. I fixed it! I fixed it! I fixed it! As a bonus, I sustained no electrical shocks, crushed digits, nor was there any blood shed.
Damn, I rock.
Oh wait. That's their point, isn't it? I have a suspicion that I'm going to have to BEG for days off from now on. Sometimes doing your job well does have a bit of a down side.
On the bright side, tonight I took on our tempermental med pre-packing machine head on. (You know, the one with no operator's manual.) It gave quite a load of shit that ended in numerous rolls of tape gluing themselves together, meds being crushed, said crushed meds burning on hot rollers and the eventual shut down of the job. Heh. Little did the machine know that the Queen of Stubborn was at the helm. I fixed it! I fixed it! I fixed it! As a bonus, I sustained no electrical shocks, crushed digits, nor was there any blood shed.
Damn, I rock.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Pass the gin*
So. Perhaps you're wondering why I've asked you all to gather here today. To be honest, I'm asking myself the same thing. Without knowing when or how it happened, I've turned into one of those people that really just bitch about all the shitty things going on in their life. My apologies. Funny thing is, if I told you the 'good' things, it would be even more of a snoozer. The list might read something like this: Didn't get run over by a car today. Ate food. Took a shower without drowning. Picked up my mail - no bills, yay. Put flea prevention medication on my cat. Only sustained 2nd degree burns from the interior of my car, not 3rd. See what I mean? I mean, those are all grand things, don't get me wrong, but when everything else is less than stellar, it's kind of sad when those are the highlights of your days.
Last weekend I was supposed to go home. Due to excessive rain, the entire area is flooded and now a state of emergency; FEMA has intervened. My aunt had to be rescued from her house. They are safe albeit soggy and unsure. So I stayed home; there was nowhere for me to go. And of course I felt more separated and helpless. Not that there was much I could have done if I actually would have been there. I have not yet been able to add 'making flood waters recede' on my resume thus far.
So, maybe this weekend. Do I want to? Yes. Let me ask again. Ahem. Do I want to? No. Part of it is just that it's always a bittersweet thing as anyone who has moved away from family/friends knows. Especially when you are by yourself. Makes sense, right? Well, this might also be the weekend we put Benny to sleep. It's been going that way for a long time and it just can't keep dragging out. The day before I'd leave, I'm scheduled to have the second root canal finished, which may add some pain in the mix. And don't forget the magic of combining hellish temperatures and extreme humidity with PMS. I should be happy to go. And I am. Sort of.
See, pretty much everything is fucked up here. Yes, shocking, I know. Months ago, I made the decision to quit my job here and go back to Ohio, remember that? I was sure it was the best choice. Then things changed. I set my mind on staying here, making the best of it, using the opportunity and possibly going back to school. Things went well for a few weeks, then it all just went nuts. Every door I try to open/close is wedged in some stuck position that lets me see the possibilities but, well, there's obviously something in my way. My apartment search has been draining and less than fruitful. Well, I did find one I really liked. Then learned it was a funeral parlor in years past. Uh, no thanks. My job is taking a turn back into 'sucky' territory. I will not bore you with the details of those things, but it's really interesting how there can be so many obstacles.
In the mean time, I'm still living in two places. Most of my mail goes to Ohio then has to be sent to me. I have an Ohio drivers license, which, if I'm caught with it, I'm in trouble. I have no bank here in Pittsburgh - yep, still in Ohio. I didn't change things immediately so that I could see how things would work here. Fairly sensible, I thought. Now somehow, it's like I'm in this cycle between one place and another in so many ways. One thing plays on the next, so there isn't a way to just pick one thing and start there. Not yet, anyway.
Do I want to go up for the weekend? Yeah, I do. But I have to say, it makes me a bit edgy. Ok, edgier. Thing is, after the weekend is over, I still have this weird situation to face. In two weeks, I'll have been here eight months. Eight. Oh, and how far I've come. Not. You know, it's similar to a suspended animation sort of thing. Don't misunderstand, I'm not having a pity party. I'm actually trying to decipher everything that is going on and make some sense of it. That's what all this crappy, ultra self-centered posting is about. It's the best I can do.
But in doing that, I've been consumed by it. I've forgotten how to write anything that might be remotely interesting or witty. For that, I'm sorry. For you. For me. Maybe another day, just not today.
* I don't even drink gin. Go figure.
Last weekend I was supposed to go home. Due to excessive rain, the entire area is flooded and now a state of emergency; FEMA has intervened. My aunt had to be rescued from her house. They are safe albeit soggy and unsure. So I stayed home; there was nowhere for me to go. And of course I felt more separated and helpless. Not that there was much I could have done if I actually would have been there. I have not yet been able to add 'making flood waters recede' on my resume thus far.
So, maybe this weekend. Do I want to? Yes. Let me ask again. Ahem. Do I want to? No. Part of it is just that it's always a bittersweet thing as anyone who has moved away from family/friends knows. Especially when you are by yourself. Makes sense, right? Well, this might also be the weekend we put Benny to sleep. It's been going that way for a long time and it just can't keep dragging out. The day before I'd leave, I'm scheduled to have the second root canal finished, which may add some pain in the mix. And don't forget the magic of combining hellish temperatures and extreme humidity with PMS. I should be happy to go. And I am. Sort of.
See, pretty much everything is fucked up here. Yes, shocking, I know. Months ago, I made the decision to quit my job here and go back to Ohio, remember that? I was sure it was the best choice. Then things changed. I set my mind on staying here, making the best of it, using the opportunity and possibly going back to school. Things went well for a few weeks, then it all just went nuts. Every door I try to open/close is wedged in some stuck position that lets me see the possibilities but, well, there's obviously something in my way. My apartment search has been draining and less than fruitful. Well, I did find one I really liked. Then learned it was a funeral parlor in years past. Uh, no thanks. My job is taking a turn back into 'sucky' territory. I will not bore you with the details of those things, but it's really interesting how there can be so many obstacles.
In the mean time, I'm still living in two places. Most of my mail goes to Ohio then has to be sent to me. I have an Ohio drivers license, which, if I'm caught with it, I'm in trouble. I have no bank here in Pittsburgh - yep, still in Ohio. I didn't change things immediately so that I could see how things would work here. Fairly sensible, I thought. Now somehow, it's like I'm in this cycle between one place and another in so many ways. One thing plays on the next, so there isn't a way to just pick one thing and start there. Not yet, anyway.
Do I want to go up for the weekend? Yeah, I do. But I have to say, it makes me a bit edgy. Ok, edgier. Thing is, after the weekend is over, I still have this weird situation to face. In two weeks, I'll have been here eight months. Eight. Oh, and how far I've come. Not. You know, it's similar to a suspended animation sort of thing. Don't misunderstand, I'm not having a pity party. I'm actually trying to decipher everything that is going on and make some sense of it. That's what all this crappy, ultra self-centered posting is about. It's the best I can do.
But in doing that, I've been consumed by it. I've forgotten how to write anything that might be remotely interesting or witty. For that, I'm sorry. For you. For me. Maybe another day, just not today.
* I don't even drink gin. Go figure.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Even I can laugh at this!
Of course there are many things I could be addressing at this time; some good, some not so good. Let's just say the past few days have not, in much of any way, gone as planned. So although my frame of mind is still rather fragile I'm not scheduling to hurl my body onto any of the numerous train tracks here in the 'Burgh.
The entire point of this post is to show you my unmentionables.
Yep, you read correctly. Or, perhaps I should call them my unidentifiables. Know how some people (when referring to cooking) say they can 'burn water'? Well here's my laundry-based version....
Yep. I melted... freaking annihilated... my unmentionables. Until they became unidentifiables. There was another item that sustained some damage but not nearly so drastic. I think you could substitute this for the center of a tennis racket; it's like hard plastic!
After this little mishap I'm sooo asking Victoria for her Secret. I bet she doesn't have this problem. Damned dryers anyway.
The entire point of this post is to show you my unmentionables.
Yep, you read correctly. Or, perhaps I should call them my unidentifiables. Know how some people (when referring to cooking) say they can 'burn water'? Well here's my laundry-based version....
Yep. I melted... freaking annihilated... my unmentionables. Until they became unidentifiables. There was another item that sustained some damage but not nearly so drastic. I think you could substitute this for the center of a tennis racket; it's like hard plastic!
After this little mishap I'm sooo asking Victoria for her Secret. I bet she doesn't have this problem. Damned dryers anyway.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Declare this an emergency...
(Title from Muse ~ Apocalypse Now.)
This is a bad moment in time. Very, very bad. Tears are flowing and thoughts are slamming around in my head. Disjointed. Negative. I'd knock down walls if it would help. I'd bleed myself if I thought there was a chance that it might right the wrongs. But those things won't help.
Several days ago a thought came back to me that I hadn't let myself think of for about a year and a half. It's always there, though, lurking. Waiting. Now it's back.
See, last week I caught the end of an old song on the radio that was a favorite of someone close to me. Someone that may still be alive had I done the right thing. But I didn't. At the time, I didn't know the circumstances but it doesn't matter; death is death. Five and a half years later, I still feel responsible. Right or wrong, that's how I feel.
When I broke down over this a year and a half ago, it eventually subsided. I'm ready for the numbness to creep in. Feeling responsible for a death is truly alot to handle. It will be there forever, though. How can you forget something like that?
This is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is
the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could
(Muse ~ Stockholm Syndrome)
This is a bad moment in time. Very, very bad. Tears are flowing and thoughts are slamming around in my head. Disjointed. Negative. I'd knock down walls if it would help. I'd bleed myself if I thought there was a chance that it might right the wrongs. But those things won't help.
Several days ago a thought came back to me that I hadn't let myself think of for about a year and a half. It's always there, though, lurking. Waiting. Now it's back.
See, last week I caught the end of an old song on the radio that was a favorite of someone close to me. Someone that may still be alive had I done the right thing. But I didn't. At the time, I didn't know the circumstances but it doesn't matter; death is death. Five and a half years later, I still feel responsible. Right or wrong, that's how I feel.
When I broke down over this a year and a half ago, it eventually subsided. I'm ready for the numbness to creep in. Feeling responsible for a death is truly alot to handle. It will be there forever, though. How can you forget something like that?
This is the last time I'll abandon you
and this is
the last time I'll forget you
I wish I could
(Muse ~ Stockholm Syndrome)
Friday, July 21, 2006
Ignore this post.
No, really. It's just going to be me putting a bunch of vague, psychobabble stuff here to have an account of what is going on in my head and maybe, with a little luck, come back and reread it sometime and learn from it. That being said, let the babbling begin...
How can one person be so conflicted, have a decent grip of right and wrong, sensible and nonsensible, care too much, yet not care at all? My edginess lately has less to do with others and more to do with my state of mind yet somehow I seem to have no problem snapping at others. Perhaps it is easier to do that than to examine my own porous state of mind. There is so much going on in my head but part of me is almost distancing myself from it. Yeah, yeah, it's called self preservation, I know, but identifying a term doesn't necessarily make me more comfortable with it. I should know better and be able to put all these things in their proper place; shoulda, coulda, woulda...blah, blah, blah.
In one respect, I think I know what one of the problems is. And it kills me to admit it. I think I'm having a bout of lonliness. Blech. There. I said it. I talk to my family and a few friends from Ohio, but you know, it's just not the same as having someone near by. Most of my life I've been more than happy to have my own privacy, space, and the option to see and talk to people whenever I saw fit. Now things have changed. It's like that choice has been taken away and I'm feeling it; completely the opposite (yet not dissimilar) to when I had no privacy or time to myself before I moved. It's sad when you strike up conversations with your cell phone carrier and utility company reps because you are obviously craving some sort of human interaction. If I got telemarketing calls, they'd probably hang up on me... Part of me just wants to have someone to be there. Considering that I detest the idea of being dependent on another person, I think I could use just a little of that.
Just like everyone else in the world, I'm sure, I'm trying to find where I fit in the scheme of things. That's difficult to do when you feel like you've temporarily lost your sense of self. I say temporarily because I know this will pass. Hopefully I'll learn something from it, but in the mean time, man, this just plain blows. And the things is, I really don't think this is a manic or depressive episode - it's just simply what I feel. That kind of makes it harder because I see it as more 'real'; not some set of exaggerated thoughts and feelings that will morph back into reality given meds and time. This is reality. That's always harder to cope with. So yes, I'm edgy and depressed, but my guess is because I'm actually facing these things head on knowing that they are what I am truly feeling, not a temporary surge or absence of neurotransmitters in my gray matter. I'm edgy and depressed because I have to face the fact that only I have the answers... and you know what? Funny thing is I'm fresh out of answers.
Another thing I really need to come to terms with is how to make certain thoughts leave my head. They aren't bad thoughts in this case, other than the fact that they are taking up too much time in my head and there will be no culmination of events to solidify these thoughts. No, not bad per se, but somewhat self-torturing. I do have a great deal of common sense (somewhere) and I know that putting energy into these thoughts is not only futile but completely irrelevant and utterly pointless. It's useless. For the one case I have in mind, I know that. I tell myself this and remind myself to be strong. Yeah, it works for a day at best. Somehow I get drawn back into it. Where does my sense go? Is there a hiding place that calls out to my better judgment and offers shelter leaving me looking like a fool, exhausted from emotionally banging my head against a wall? For this situation, I know there will be a day that it crumbles; I just don't know how soon it will be. I'm not taking a defeatist attitude, it's just a simple fact. When it happens, I'll take it hard. But then the release will begin. Part of me wishes that it would happen sooner rather than later because sadly, I can't seem to break free on my own.
Well, I've just read this post over and oddly, I sound somewhat in control with a matter-of-fact tone. Interestingly, I must have a major duality issue because that is not at all what I'm feeling. Just because I can put it into words doesn't mean I have a clue as to how to make myself feel better. They do say that identifying it is half the battle. Great. Then the rest of the battle should be a real treat. Hopefully the carnage will be kept to a minimum.
How can one person be so conflicted, have a decent grip of right and wrong, sensible and nonsensible, care too much, yet not care at all? My edginess lately has less to do with others and more to do with my state of mind yet somehow I seem to have no problem snapping at others. Perhaps it is easier to do that than to examine my own porous state of mind. There is so much going on in my head but part of me is almost distancing myself from it. Yeah, yeah, it's called self preservation, I know, but identifying a term doesn't necessarily make me more comfortable with it. I should know better and be able to put all these things in their proper place; shoulda, coulda, woulda...blah, blah, blah.
In one respect, I think I know what one of the problems is. And it kills me to admit it. I think I'm having a bout of lonliness. Blech. There. I said it. I talk to my family and a few friends from Ohio, but you know, it's just not the same as having someone near by. Most of my life I've been more than happy to have my own privacy, space, and the option to see and talk to people whenever I saw fit. Now things have changed. It's like that choice has been taken away and I'm feeling it; completely the opposite (yet not dissimilar) to when I had no privacy or time to myself before I moved. It's sad when you strike up conversations with your cell phone carrier and utility company reps because you are obviously craving some sort of human interaction. If I got telemarketing calls, they'd probably hang up on me... Part of me just wants to have someone to be there. Considering that I detest the idea of being dependent on another person, I think I could use just a little of that.
Just like everyone else in the world, I'm sure, I'm trying to find where I fit in the scheme of things. That's difficult to do when you feel like you've temporarily lost your sense of self. I say temporarily because I know this will pass. Hopefully I'll learn something from it, but in the mean time, man, this just plain blows. And the things is, I really don't think this is a manic or depressive episode - it's just simply what I feel. That kind of makes it harder because I see it as more 'real'; not some set of exaggerated thoughts and feelings that will morph back into reality given meds and time. This is reality. That's always harder to cope with. So yes, I'm edgy and depressed, but my guess is because I'm actually facing these things head on knowing that they are what I am truly feeling, not a temporary surge or absence of neurotransmitters in my gray matter. I'm edgy and depressed because I have to face the fact that only I have the answers... and you know what? Funny thing is I'm fresh out of answers.
Another thing I really need to come to terms with is how to make certain thoughts leave my head. They aren't bad thoughts in this case, other than the fact that they are taking up too much time in my head and there will be no culmination of events to solidify these thoughts. No, not bad per se, but somewhat self-torturing. I do have a great deal of common sense (somewhere) and I know that putting energy into these thoughts is not only futile but completely irrelevant and utterly pointless. It's useless. For the one case I have in mind, I know that. I tell myself this and remind myself to be strong. Yeah, it works for a day at best. Somehow I get drawn back into it. Where does my sense go? Is there a hiding place that calls out to my better judgment and offers shelter leaving me looking like a fool, exhausted from emotionally banging my head against a wall? For this situation, I know there will be a day that it crumbles; I just don't know how soon it will be. I'm not taking a defeatist attitude, it's just a simple fact. When it happens, I'll take it hard. But then the release will begin. Part of me wishes that it would happen sooner rather than later because sadly, I can't seem to break free on my own.
Well, I've just read this post over and oddly, I sound somewhat in control with a matter-of-fact tone. Interestingly, I must have a major duality issue because that is not at all what I'm feeling. Just because I can put it into words doesn't mean I have a clue as to how to make myself feel better. They do say that identifying it is half the battle. Great. Then the rest of the battle should be a real treat. Hopefully the carnage will be kept to a minimum.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Ah shit.
Today is peculiar already. Somewhere between getting out of bed, peeing, and getting something to drink, a major case of the 'antsy-crankies' has set upon me. Maybe it's because for the most part, I've been taking things in stride. It's like, within 12.3 seconds, it all caught up to me. I'm tired of babysitting chronological adults, doing others' jobs for them, and trying to keep track of everything and anything. I really, really don't like being in the position to have to 'believe' people when they tell me things or fighting for the most common and mundane things to work out. Yet somehow, I always feel compelled to do more... to make things work. Then I just piss myself off.
Yes, this is vague, but you know what? If I really let loose now, I mean really just let it all fly, well, let's just say it would get ugly. I'm not sure I want to be responsible for that. I'll tell ya' - some days...
Motto for the day: fuck off
Yes, this is vague, but you know what? If I really let loose now, I mean really just let it all fly, well, let's just say it would get ugly. I'm not sure I want to be responsible for that. I'll tell ya' - some days...
Motto for the day: fuck off
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Mishmoshashonna
Oh the millions of little things rushing through my brain. Oddly, even with that, it kind of feels like a big vacuum up there - how does that work?!
Alright, with the mention of the shopping trip on the weekend I'll say that I got some business-like attire (explanation coming), a few CDs (happy birthday to me), and although I didn't buy it, I tried on the cutest little dress. Really, I didn't buy it, but it was so cute it made me giggle! Truthfully, I think it looked way cuter on me than on the model. Might sound smug but no, it's simple truth. ;)
It looked like a combination between an 'I Love Lucy' dress and a pin-up girl dress. You'd have to wear it with 1940s platform pumps to make it look really good, though. The sweet little cherry print kind of offset the fitted bodice. If I only had somewhere to wear it...
Alright, with the mention of the shopping trip on the weekend I'll say that I got some business-like attire (explanation coming), a few CDs (happy birthday to me), and although I didn't buy it, I tried on the cutest little dress. Really, I didn't buy it, but it was so cute it made me giggle! Truthfully, I think it looked way cuter on me than on the model. Might sound smug but no, it's simple truth. ;)
It looked like a combination between an 'I Love Lucy' dress and a pin-up girl dress. You'd have to wear it with 1940s platform pumps to make it look really good, though. The sweet little cherry print kind of offset the fitted bodice. If I only had somewhere to wear it...
Anyway, the business attire is for a possible upcoming interview. Yes, I put any job searches on hold, but this was something I applied for 4 months ago and they are just now beginning to set up interviews. I passed the first portion of the screening process today and now it's on to management if they see fit to interview me. Until I hear back, the tags stay on the clothes. I'll let you know if anything happens.
Almost thought I'd get away with no one knowing about my birthday at work, but it didn't work that way. One guy brought in a cake and a card for me, which was really sweet. (The guy and the cake both.) Kind of hard to hide it when there's a big cake saying 'Happy Birthday LiVEwiRe' right there on the conference room table. And most of my family remembered....lol. For a moment I was reliving the scene in Sixteen Candles when Molly Ringwald's family forgot her birthday. At one point someone asks her if she remembered something to which she replied a bit caustically, 'Yes, I remember lots of things.' That was a good movie, wasn't it?
Have you ever known someone you've felt rather drawn to, and you're pretty sure they feel the same thing to some extent, but nothing manifests with it? Gah! It's so frustrating! It makes me hate them sometimes. Then that dissipates and I just... can't... help... myself! Like a moth to the flame. Just give me the damn ZAP and be done with me, ok?
The lovely little plant I've been trying to grow (and occasionally yet unintentionally kill) has momentarily defied the odds. It's still on shaky roots but the little thing has a new shoot! Hot damn! If you knew me and my relationship with plants, you'd understand that this is a miracle of biblical proportions. Hmpfh... seems it wanted more water or something involved and technical like that. Go figure.
Why don't cars have 'slow down' lights on them? I mean, they have brake lights but why not ones that are, oh, say blue or something to just indicate when the idiot in front of you has either taken their foot off the brake going uphill or decided to downshift?! Would that be so hard? In a city built on some severe hills, that would come in handy. People are too lazy to brake sometimes and should you take your eyes off them for just a moment (perhaps to eye up the jackass flying up at warp speeds to suck on your tailpipe) you may miss the fact that they are slowing down. By default, you then become the jackass trying to suck on a tailpipe. Would this be such a radical option on vehicles?!
About a week ago I woke up and immediately thought that I had to talk to Eric. Um, ok. I don't know any Eric. Do you? Is he worth talking to? If so, why? Brain cells are weird.
Speaking of brain cells, I've been trying to get an appointment with my psych doc for almost a week. I've left three messages. Um... don't you think it's dangerous not to return calls from psych patients? I mean, it's just for an appointment but still, it's not good to piss off the crazies.
There's about 16 other goofy thoughts running through my head but I'm going to stop. I need to get out of 'babble mode' before I go to work. Although I have no idea why - they're used to it.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I'll just blame it on the heat
Or Mercury being in retrograde. Poor Mercury gets such a bad rap being blamed for everything but hey, someone has to be the fallguy, right?
Lately, things have been a real struggle; I feel like I'm just endlessly spawning. Don't get me wrong, nothing has been really horrendous, it's just that even the most simple things are noticeably, well, noticeable. You know, like when you attempt the simplest task and it turns into some comedy of errors? Just about everything is like that. Worst part? It's draining and time comsuming. Best part? It's funny in a slightly twisted kind of way. Meh, just mentioning it, that's all. I'm taking it in stride for the most part.
It's hot here. Not so much hot as disgustingly humid. I'm breaking a sweat just typing this. Blech. Adding insult to injury, I have to go clothes shopping tomorrow... have to. The thought of that usually bothers me but in this case, I'm only focusing on the cool air-conditioned comfort of the department stores. Hell, I may stay there all day. Speaking of hell, if it's hot there (as rumor has it), that's doable; if it's humid too - I'd better change my wicked ways. I don't think I could deal with an eternity of humidity.
Hey, here's something fun - I got a call from a friend I haven't seen in about 2.5 years (although we write and email, etc.) and she is coming into town tonight. Wow, I actually have plans for once. I'm just really excited to see her! She's one of those people that you can just sit and laugh with, even over things that you shouldn't be laughing at! =)
Annnnd... since I haven't done it in a while, I'm including a link. A certain Blogger (no names mentioned, FM) turned me on to this song a little while back and I've just had it cranked all day. It's rather gritty, grindy and raunchy sounding in a Brit kind of way; excellent if you ask me. But since you haven't asked me, I thought I'd offer my commentary anyway. So, go here and listen to Supermassive Black Hole.
Gotta go for now but I'll be around visiting tomorrow!
Lately, things have been a real struggle; I feel like I'm just endlessly spawning. Don't get me wrong, nothing has been really horrendous, it's just that even the most simple things are noticeably, well, noticeable. You know, like when you attempt the simplest task and it turns into some comedy of errors? Just about everything is like that. Worst part? It's draining and time comsuming. Best part? It's funny in a slightly twisted kind of way. Meh, just mentioning it, that's all. I'm taking it in stride for the most part.
It's hot here. Not so much hot as disgustingly humid. I'm breaking a sweat just typing this. Blech. Adding insult to injury, I have to go clothes shopping tomorrow... have to. The thought of that usually bothers me but in this case, I'm only focusing on the cool air-conditioned comfort of the department stores. Hell, I may stay there all day. Speaking of hell, if it's hot there (as rumor has it), that's doable; if it's humid too - I'd better change my wicked ways. I don't think I could deal with an eternity of humidity.
Hey, here's something fun - I got a call from a friend I haven't seen in about 2.5 years (although we write and email, etc.) and she is coming into town tonight. Wow, I actually have plans for once. I'm just really excited to see her! She's one of those people that you can just sit and laugh with, even over things that you shouldn't be laughing at! =)
Annnnd... since I haven't done it in a while, I'm including a link. A certain Blogger (no names mentioned, FM) turned me on to this song a little while back and I've just had it cranked all day. It's rather gritty, grindy and raunchy sounding in a Brit kind of way; excellent if you ask me. But since you haven't asked me, I thought I'd offer my commentary anyway. So, go here and listen to Supermassive Black Hole.
Gotta go for now but I'll be around visiting tomorrow!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Something wicked this way comes...
And I don't mean my dental bill, or a mild mania phase, or even my attempt to find a new abode. This, this is much worse...
I came in from work tonight and unbeknownst to me at the time, I was being watched. By how many eyes I can't be sure. All I know is that I sat down to listen to my voice mail and thats when I saw it. With unsettlingly stealthy moves, it crawled into the huge heating vent on the floor. I only saw what I'd like to assume was the back half, but I can tell you this... I'm surprised I didn't hear footsteps. It was huge. Now, we know I have a particular dislike when it comes to spiders, so I really hope that's not what this overgrown creature was. No matter, I am not too keen on this thing being loose in MY living space. It pays no rent. And even if it did, I don't think I'd be up for such a living arrangement. Judging by the size of it, I'd say it belongs in a zoo somewhere being fed slabs of raw meat. I'm supposing that any stray fuzz or thread that touches me will now cause me to scream like a little sissy. Certain that this genetic anomoly is out to get me, I'll undoubtedly get very little sleep. Do you think it would be overkill to pour cement into all my vents?
Ah, anyway. Hopefully I'll get to catch up on blogs this weekend. I've really missed seeing what everyone is up to. If you don't hear from me it just means that this many-legged beast has dragged me off to be meals number 623 - 12,971; not to worry. Ahem.
I came in from work tonight and unbeknownst to me at the time, I was being watched. By how many eyes I can't be sure. All I know is that I sat down to listen to my voice mail and thats when I saw it. With unsettlingly stealthy moves, it crawled into the huge heating vent on the floor. I only saw what I'd like to assume was the back half, but I can tell you this... I'm surprised I didn't hear footsteps. It was huge. Now, we know I have a particular dislike when it comes to spiders, so I really hope that's not what this overgrown creature was. No matter, I am not too keen on this thing being loose in MY living space. It pays no rent. And even if it did, I don't think I'd be up for such a living arrangement. Judging by the size of it, I'd say it belongs in a zoo somewhere being fed slabs of raw meat. I'm supposing that any stray fuzz or thread that touches me will now cause me to scream like a little sissy. Certain that this genetic anomoly is out to get me, I'll undoubtedly get very little sleep. Do you think it would be overkill to pour cement into all my vents?
Ah, anyway. Hopefully I'll get to catch up on blogs this weekend. I've really missed seeing what everyone is up to. If you don't hear from me it just means that this many-legged beast has dragged me off to be meals number 623 - 12,971; not to worry. Ahem.
Friday, June 30, 2006
The beat goes on...
... in the form of throbbing.
The reason for the pain? Let's just say I had a second root canal today, right beside the first one. I am now on enough pain meds and antibiotics to count as a meal. Forgive the lack of comments; I'm busy trying not to drool on the keyboard. That's as much as I can handle now.
Thanks for all the sympathy, good wishes and support! =)
The reason for the pain? Let's just say I had a second root canal today, right beside the first one. I am now on enough pain meds and antibiotics to count as a meal. Forgive the lack of comments; I'm busy trying not to drool on the keyboard. That's as much as I can handle now.
Thanks for all the sympathy, good wishes and support! =)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Ouch muthafucka!
A little story in three-word format.
Emergency. Root. Canal.
Prescription. For. Vicodin.
It's. Not. Working.
The end.
Emergency. Root. Canal.
Prescription. For. Vicodin.
It's. Not. Working.
The end.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Just for laughs
Someone sent these buttons to me in an email and I had to share.
Enjoy!
I could wear any one of those at any given moment and it would be fitting. I might have to find a way to make my own!
Enjoy!
I could wear any one of those at any given moment and it would be fitting. I might have to find a way to make my own!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Sometimes people are just inconsiderate, rude, and make me want to become a hermit!
Is this new? No, not really. But let me just tell you a little about my evening. Maybe you're not interested, but I'm going to bitch about it anyway.
So, I'm hanging out with my neighbor last night and after a while he asks me if I could take him somewhere and bring him back because his SUV is still impounded (even police officers, which he is, have to play by the rules, I guess) and his arranged ride ditched at the last minute. Well, it's 9:30pm and although I wasn't doing anything to speak of, other than planning on relaxing, I really didn't feel like doing the drive. I was tired to begin with, had things to do (like looking for a new apartment), and funny thing, didn't relish the thought of being stuck in another shitty neighborhood for an undetermined amount of time - after dark no less...
Of course, I knew that he had a perfectly respectable reason for needing to go and it wasn't his fault that his sister cancelled last minute; I was there when she called. This is a self-sufficient kind of guy and I knew he most likely hated to ask me. He even offered to fill my gas tank, no matter how low it was (no small feat financially). So, yours truly sucked it up and said I'd take him. Basically, the scenario pointed out that I didn't have anything important in my life to tend to (yeah, thanks for shedding light on that uplifting thought, jackass) and he really did need the help. He's been nothing but nice to me, so why not?
I'll tell you why not!!! As soon as he was ready he was supposed to call me or knock on my door and I'd meet him out front. Simple plan, right? So I wait. And I get a few things done. Then I wait some more. I can still see his lights on. So I watch TV (found a good show, by the way) and eventually, it's 11:30pm! Now, I may not have much of an exciting life, but it was hot and at least I'd like to strip out my clothes and put on something cool and comfy while I'm not having that exciting life I mentioned.
Anyway, I ended up staying awake until 2am, dressed and ready to go. After midnight, I remained dressed simply for the fact that if he DID come to my door, I could tell him to fuck off fully dressed and not in a Happy Bunny tank top and shorts. I called him twice and left messages to see if he fell asleep or changed his mind or what... but this wasn't an ongoing offer. Do not knock on my door at 4am and expect me to take your ass anywhere! Unless you are bleeding profusely; and then, that's what 911 is for!
If you ask me for a favor, I will more than likely help you, even if it wasn't really in my plans. Especially when I know that this was something important that he does every week and revolves around his family. But after drawing attention (albeit unintentionally) to the fact that I have no life so I'm basically available, and then to leave me hanging when your house is literally less than two feet away from mine; well, you've just gone and pissed me right off, mister.
He may have a good reason, but it would have been nice to be let in on the fact that we weren't going and I could have gone to bed! When I see him next, I'm sure I'll smile and ask what happened... but I'll want to say, "What the fuck was your problem you inconsiderate son of a bitch?!" But I won't. Who knows. Maybe I will, I've been a bit edgy lately.
I must remind myself - I did gain the opportunity to watch TV, which is quite rare. And I found a good show... I'll repeat that thought until I no longer want to kick him in the balls.
So, I'm hanging out with my neighbor last night and after a while he asks me if I could take him somewhere and bring him back because his SUV is still impounded (even police officers, which he is, have to play by the rules, I guess) and his arranged ride ditched at the last minute. Well, it's 9:30pm and although I wasn't doing anything to speak of, other than planning on relaxing, I really didn't feel like doing the drive. I was tired to begin with, had things to do (like looking for a new apartment), and funny thing, didn't relish the thought of being stuck in another shitty neighborhood for an undetermined amount of time - after dark no less...
Of course, I knew that he had a perfectly respectable reason for needing to go and it wasn't his fault that his sister cancelled last minute; I was there when she called. This is a self-sufficient kind of guy and I knew he most likely hated to ask me. He even offered to fill my gas tank, no matter how low it was (no small feat financially). So, yours truly sucked it up and said I'd take him. Basically, the scenario pointed out that I didn't have anything important in my life to tend to (yeah, thanks for shedding light on that uplifting thought, jackass) and he really did need the help. He's been nothing but nice to me, so why not?
I'll tell you why not!!! As soon as he was ready he was supposed to call me or knock on my door and I'd meet him out front. Simple plan, right? So I wait. And I get a few things done. Then I wait some more. I can still see his lights on. So I watch TV (found a good show, by the way) and eventually, it's 11:30pm! Now, I may not have much of an exciting life, but it was hot and at least I'd like to strip out my clothes and put on something cool and comfy while I'm not having that exciting life I mentioned.
Anyway, I ended up staying awake until 2am, dressed and ready to go. After midnight, I remained dressed simply for the fact that if he DID come to my door, I could tell him to fuck off fully dressed and not in a Happy Bunny tank top and shorts. I called him twice and left messages to see if he fell asleep or changed his mind or what... but this wasn't an ongoing offer. Do not knock on my door at 4am and expect me to take your ass anywhere! Unless you are bleeding profusely; and then, that's what 911 is for!
If you ask me for a favor, I will more than likely help you, even if it wasn't really in my plans. Especially when I know that this was something important that he does every week and revolves around his family. But after drawing attention (albeit unintentionally) to the fact that I have no life so I'm basically available, and then to leave me hanging when your house is literally less than two feet away from mine; well, you've just gone and pissed me right off, mister.
He may have a good reason, but it would have been nice to be let in on the fact that we weren't going and I could have gone to bed! When I see him next, I'm sure I'll smile and ask what happened... but I'll want to say, "What the fuck was your problem you inconsiderate son of a bitch?!" But I won't. Who knows. Maybe I will, I've been a bit edgy lately.
I must remind myself - I did gain the opportunity to watch TV, which is quite rare. And I found a good show... I'll repeat that thought until I no longer want to kick him in the balls.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Odd Times at LiVEwiRe High
This will most likely make no sense to you, but I need to recap the days events for myself, albeit vaguely.
I ended up hanging out for hours today with someone that I don't know all that well, but he really intrigues me. Interestingly, there was a bonus guest... his 17 month old son. Being an only child, I know nothing of kids; yet, like dogs, they gravitate toward me. This child spent more time with/on me than anywhere else. Weird.
Anyway. Regarding this guy. It was just all fun and relaxed, BSing about anything and everything but somehow there were comments that started to cross the line. Not in a bad way, but you know the line I mean. He found 'reasons' to get closer a few times and things ended with an 'almost kiss'. You know, when it's not a full on kiss, but more than a kiss on the cheek. Again, weird.
Isn't it odd how you may have thoughts of something or someone (which I had), but when it gets right down to it, you question them (in your mind) when you've been given no real reason to? Is it part of some deep seated self protection mechanism that we all have? How do we know when to protect or when to just go with it? And why do people make things so complicated? Ok, here I am definitely referring to me.
I mean, it's truly no big deal, I guess I'm just wondering why the mind works like it does. Perhaps that's why I'm so interested in Behavioral Medicine and Psychology... we all live in the perfect classroom everyday and we still don't have the answers, do we?
I ended up hanging out for hours today with someone that I don't know all that well, but he really intrigues me. Interestingly, there was a bonus guest... his 17 month old son. Being an only child, I know nothing of kids; yet, like dogs, they gravitate toward me. This child spent more time with/on me than anywhere else. Weird.
Anyway. Regarding this guy. It was just all fun and relaxed, BSing about anything and everything but somehow there were comments that started to cross the line. Not in a bad way, but you know the line I mean. He found 'reasons' to get closer a few times and things ended with an 'almost kiss'. You know, when it's not a full on kiss, but more than a kiss on the cheek. Again, weird.
Isn't it odd how you may have thoughts of something or someone (which I had), but when it gets right down to it, you question them (in your mind) when you've been given no real reason to? Is it part of some deep seated self protection mechanism that we all have? How do we know when to protect or when to just go with it? And why do people make things so complicated? Ok, here I am definitely referring to me.
I mean, it's truly no big deal, I guess I'm just wondering why the mind works like it does. Perhaps that's why I'm so interested in Behavioral Medicine and Psychology... we all live in the perfect classroom everyday and we still don't have the answers, do we?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
An olive branch from Blogger
So, Blogger decided to throw me a bone. Finally. But I opted to put them in a new post because it was taking ages to add just one in the previous post. In any event, here are the remaining shots...
And there you have it... Pittsburgh and Point State Park (you can see the huge fountain right in the front) as seen from the Overlook right up the street from me. Too bad I won't go up there at night myself for some photos for fear of getting mugged. Eh, oh well.
And there you have it... Pittsburgh and Point State Park (you can see the huge fountain right in the front) as seen from the Overlook right up the street from me. Too bad I won't go up there at night myself for some photos for fear of getting mugged. Eh, oh well.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Of bridges, art, and roads never traveled...
This weekend has managed to fly by but it was filled with so many things. My mom came out to visit and stayed over Saturday night. All in all, it gave us about 28 hours to spend together, which isn't much, but we made the most of it! I've got a few pictures that I took yesterday, but I'll post those in a minute.
It was a little difficult when my mom was leaving today. Then again, it usually is when it's time to say goodbye to anyone, right? We filled our 'weekend' with a subway ride (which neither of had done in 15 years!) into the city for the annual Three Rivers Arts Festival (check out the upcoming Regatta and Phipps Conservatory links, too), drove sans directions cross town just to go to one store, celebrated her birthday a few days early with a great dinner out including Flemish Onion soup spiked with quite a bit of stout, spent time at the West End Overlook (you'll know by the pics) and... yes, I'm going to say it... scoped out potential neighborhoods for me to move to. Nothing has improved with my job. In fact, unless something changes, I'm slated to work 12 days straight (most likely with overtime on at least eight of those days) starting tomorrow. But familiarity is taking hold and I know that I have nothing to go back to in Ohio as far as a job is concerned. I may be setting up camp here in Pittsburgh for a bit. Do I miss my family? Sure I do. Can I expect them to (or do I want them to) support me... no. Might be time for me to just hang out here for a while. Remember before when I was so sure I was moving back to Ohio? Well, the scales are tipping. I'm not surprised, I kind of do that with my life. The 'Burgh may be stuck with me for a while; who knows...
So, with that, I'll add some pics....
It was a little difficult when my mom was leaving today. Then again, it usually is when it's time to say goodbye to anyone, right? We filled our 'weekend' with a subway ride (which neither of had done in 15 years!) into the city for the annual Three Rivers Arts Festival (check out the upcoming Regatta and Phipps Conservatory links, too), drove sans directions cross town just to go to one store, celebrated her birthday a few days early with a great dinner out including Flemish Onion soup spiked with quite a bit of stout, spent time at the West End Overlook (you'll know by the pics) and... yes, I'm going to say it... scoped out potential neighborhoods for me to move to. Nothing has improved with my job. In fact, unless something changes, I'm slated to work 12 days straight (most likely with overtime on at least eight of those days) starting tomorrow. But familiarity is taking hold and I know that I have nothing to go back to in Ohio as far as a job is concerned. I may be setting up camp here in Pittsburgh for a bit. Do I miss my family? Sure I do. Can I expect them to (or do I want them to) support me... no. Might be time for me to just hang out here for a while. Remember before when I was so sure I was moving back to Ohio? Well, the scales are tipping. I'm not surprised, I kind of do that with my life. The 'Burgh may be stuck with me for a while; who knows...
So, with that, I'll add some pics....
** Well, Blogger won't let me post the other three (in this post or a new one) so I will just add them later, when it permits. Those will be the ones from the Overlook. **
Sunday, June 04, 2006
A wise person once said...
It isn't possible to ski through a revolving door.
Ok, you got me - it was the title of a spam email in my bulk box but it did make me think. About what, I'm not sure, but hey, anything that gets me to think can't be all bad, can it? I'm still confused over it though.
I had to take a break from my most recent activity and this is what I came up with.
This comes from stuffonmycat.com, which is a riot. Go there. You'll laugh. (There's a link in the lower right corner of my sidebar which is why I'm not duplicating it here.)
Anyway, my most recent activity... yes, it's that time. I'm on the search for a new place to live. Not that drug lords, vandals and gunshots are undesirable in a neighborhood, but, well, yeah - they pretty much are. I'm teetering on the edge of Move # 41... dun, dun, duh. (That reminds me unnervingly of 'Area 51'...) At this moment, I need an aspirin the size of a hockey puck for my aching head, and this is just the beginning.
Oh well. I'm able to be appeased by scanning my new purchases... two tank/short pj sets with Happy Bunny on them; one says 'cute but psycho, things even out' and the other (my fave) says 'crazy doesn't even begin to cover it'! Heh. Ooh, and a pink Debbie Harry/Blondie tee that utterly kicks ass.
Oh shit... I'm talking about clothes... I must be in denial about the impending move.
So anyway, what's your take on the skis through a revolving door thing?
Ok, you got me - it was the title of a spam email in my bulk box but it did make me think. About what, I'm not sure, but hey, anything that gets me to think can't be all bad, can it? I'm still confused over it though.
I had to take a break from my most recent activity and this is what I came up with.
This comes from stuffonmycat.com, which is a riot. Go there. You'll laugh. (There's a link in the lower right corner of my sidebar which is why I'm not duplicating it here.)
Anyway, my most recent activity... yes, it's that time. I'm on the search for a new place to live. Not that drug lords, vandals and gunshots are undesirable in a neighborhood, but, well, yeah - they pretty much are. I'm teetering on the edge of Move # 41... dun, dun, duh. (That reminds me unnervingly of 'Area 51'...) At this moment, I need an aspirin the size of a hockey puck for my aching head, and this is just the beginning.
Oh well. I'm able to be appeased by scanning my new purchases... two tank/short pj sets with Happy Bunny on them; one says 'cute but psycho, things even out' and the other (my fave) says 'crazy doesn't even begin to cover it'! Heh. Ooh, and a pink Debbie Harry/Blondie tee that utterly kicks ass.
Oh shit... I'm talking about clothes... I must be in denial about the impending move.
So anyway, what's your take on the skis through a revolving door thing?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
One false move
Sometimes you miss things when you are running. Other times you discover them or see them more clearly.
No missteps.
Because that can change the meaning entirely; of course, only if you realize it. Otherwise it's like telling a killer joke to a foreign speaking audience.
There is a fine line between getting caught up in a misstep and becoming the focal point. It can be sort of comical in a Woody Allen meets Kafka sort of way.
Some cracks you'll find filled while some continue to widen. Nothing poignant there, just a simple observation.
Decisions are made and revoked, even as the dust is still settling. Something always overriding the reason that brought in that decision, pushing you back to square one. But not before you hear the music play and notice the lights dim. Again. And you hang your head.
No missteps.
The fear can paralyze you. So you push forward, more determined than before, but no idea which direction you are heading. Or you drift quietly, no more certain than before.
Some day, I must stop running. Or is that part of what makes life interesting?
No missteps. Too much hangs in the balance.
No missteps.
Because that can change the meaning entirely; of course, only if you realize it. Otherwise it's like telling a killer joke to a foreign speaking audience.
There is a fine line between getting caught up in a misstep and becoming the focal point. It can be sort of comical in a Woody Allen meets Kafka sort of way.
Some cracks you'll find filled while some continue to widen. Nothing poignant there, just a simple observation.
Decisions are made and revoked, even as the dust is still settling. Something always overriding the reason that brought in that decision, pushing you back to square one. But not before you hear the music play and notice the lights dim. Again. And you hang your head.
No missteps.
The fear can paralyze you. So you push forward, more determined than before, but no idea which direction you are heading. Or you drift quietly, no more certain than before.
Some day, I must stop running. Or is that part of what makes life interesting?
No missteps. Too much hangs in the balance.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
The Golden Child
Imagine this...
You leave your house and hear a ticking coming from your car. Immediately, you have two logical (humor me here) thoughts. It could be a bomb. I mean, you do annoy and piss off an awful lot of people. Or, it could be something lodged in your tire. Two blocks later, you pull to the side of the road, either to duck for cover from the explosion or check out the invader that has latched onto your tire. Negative on both counts. You resume your drive to work listening to the ticking speed up and slow down the entire way. Once you get to work, after passing through one of the most crowded, confined streets in the city, you sail through the security gate into the designated parking lot only to find your tire half deflated with a portion of a small pipe stuck neatly dead center. Ten minutes later, it is completely flat. (And if you say, 'Well, only on one side!', I'll hit you.)
Now imagine that when you call in to work (yes, from the lot) to tell them you'll be as late as it takes for AAA to get there and put on your spare because you'd rather do it then than at midnight, a coworker comes out telling you he'll handle it, removes the soggy, metal laden tire and replaces it with your spare. He never even gets dirty. When you both walk back in, you are only 21 minutes late, have a safe ride home and most importantly, did not block half of a main thoroughfare at the beginning of rush hour therefore saving you endless hours of torture from angry natives.
I was indeed The Golden Child. I mean really, who unknowingly drives on a deflating tire and watches it go flat once they are safe in the parking lot at their destination. Thankfully me.
You leave your house and hear a ticking coming from your car. Immediately, you have two logical (humor me here) thoughts. It could be a bomb. I mean, you do annoy and piss off an awful lot of people. Or, it could be something lodged in your tire. Two blocks later, you pull to the side of the road, either to duck for cover from the explosion or check out the invader that has latched onto your tire. Negative on both counts. You resume your drive to work listening to the ticking speed up and slow down the entire way. Once you get to work, after passing through one of the most crowded, confined streets in the city, you sail through the security gate into the designated parking lot only to find your tire half deflated with a portion of a small pipe stuck neatly dead center. Ten minutes later, it is completely flat. (And if you say, 'Well, only on one side!', I'll hit you.)
Now imagine that when you call in to work (yes, from the lot) to tell them you'll be as late as it takes for AAA to get there and put on your spare because you'd rather do it then than at midnight, a coworker comes out telling you he'll handle it, removes the soggy, metal laden tire and replaces it with your spare. He never even gets dirty. When you both walk back in, you are only 21 minutes late, have a safe ride home and most importantly, did not block half of a main thoroughfare at the beginning of rush hour therefore saving you endless hours of torture from angry natives.
I was indeed The Golden Child. I mean really, who unknowingly drives on a deflating tire and watches it go flat once they are safe in the parking lot at their destination. Thankfully me.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Paper hemorrhoids
This is pointless, but I've got to get this off my chest. It's something like this that could very well be the end of my sanity so I'm playing it safe here and releasing the tension.
First, let's remember that I'm completely anal in weird ways. And no... that's not what I'm getting at now, you perv. Anyway. I can drive around in a dirty car and not care one bit. I can wear two different socks and not even notice. But the moment you leave a cap off of a pen or mix upper and lower case letters (liKe tHIs) without intention and not realize it's wrong, well, those are the things that get under my skin and torture me.
So, how can a multi-billion dollar corporation sending out standard monthly billing statements make it's way on that list? Easy. Ever so neatly tri-folded bills. Now, symmetry is great and all, don't get me wrong. But when the fold of the billing statement is so close to the perforated edge, it rips in a jagged pattern when you try to pull it apart. Gah! This means that I have to try to sit there with the skill of an expert surgeon and remove the extra parts that have torn off. If you pull too hard, it rips the remittance portion of the statement and then, then my friends, I'm really screwed. Out comes the tape and I attempt to plaster this miniscule shred of paper back on to it's rightful place. But that's only after I spend five extra minutes still trying to get it off of the perforation. Not a simple task considering it's a perforation... the word itself leads you to believe it's going to be easy. Not so. By the time I'm done, it looks as if it's gone through a shredder - right along with my nerves. Couldn't they come up with a better solution? Why is it that the little things get to us the most?
Hmmm. Perhaps I should look into online bill paying?
First, let's remember that I'm completely anal in weird ways. And no... that's not what I'm getting at now, you perv. Anyway. I can drive around in a dirty car and not care one bit. I can wear two different socks and not even notice. But the moment you leave a cap off of a pen or mix upper and lower case letters (liKe tHIs) without intention and not realize it's wrong, well, those are the things that get under my skin and torture me.
So, how can a multi-billion dollar corporation sending out standard monthly billing statements make it's way on that list? Easy. Ever so neatly tri-folded bills. Now, symmetry is great and all, don't get me wrong. But when the fold of the billing statement is so close to the perforated edge, it rips in a jagged pattern when you try to pull it apart. Gah! This means that I have to try to sit there with the skill of an expert surgeon and remove the extra parts that have torn off. If you pull too hard, it rips the remittance portion of the statement and then, then my friends, I'm really screwed. Out comes the tape and I attempt to plaster this miniscule shred of paper back on to it's rightful place. But that's only after I spend five extra minutes still trying to get it off of the perforation. Not a simple task considering it's a perforation... the word itself leads you to believe it's going to be easy. Not so. By the time I'm done, it looks as if it's gone through a shredder - right along with my nerves. Couldn't they come up with a better solution? Why is it that the little things get to us the most?
Hmmm. Perhaps I should look into online bill paying?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Must. Have. Sleep.
So. I made it back in one piece! The rest I had hoped for? None. At all. But it was still worth it. Of course there's a good chance that the red lines in my eyes will never go away.
Isabella was very good for the ride. For the first hour she didn't move. If I accelerated or hit the brakes she just kind of rolled in the same position - kind of like a stuffed animal. After a while she got the hang of it and was fine. She sucks at conversation, though. Although as a cat, she is more skilled than some humans I know.
I stopped in to the hospital where I used to work and visited there for a while. In some ways it felt comfortable, but a part of me really felt out of place. Just the passage of time I guess. It was nice to see them again, though.
My wonderful lake and noisy seagulls were there to greet me, along with a few herons to add to the mix. I really miss that. Alot. I hate being land locked; rivers don't count.
Made it to my 'nephew's' 4th birthday party and didn't even have to up my tranquilizer dose. Came close. He's spending time with some really beastly children and it seems he's taking on some of the behavior. Blech. Even so, it was a good time. And there was a big yellow Sponge Bob cake, so how bad could it be?
My friend's grad party was pretty fun. Her family is nuts, which I've known for years. After a few drinks they are swinging around light poles. Really, they are. It was wonderful to see her reach her goal and have us all there to share in the celebration. A former co-worker went with me and he and I had the chance to catch up. Of course, I'm pretty sure he's mad at me now but I don't care. He spilled all sorts of info that I had told him that night at work the next day. Not that it was classified, but it was a private conversation. As soon as I found out, I got him on the phone and set things straight. Yeah. He was not happy with me. Oh well. Sometimes I just don't know what get's into that boy.
I almost ran into two other friends, one at each party but the timing was off. First was my friend Lisa; she and I drifted apart about a year and a half ago. We've got the others' number so hopefully we'll be able to catch up. The second was Matt. Oh boy. He comes in and out of my life every couple of years and every time it happens, I realize that I still have that schoolgirl crush that I did back in the 7th grade. But that could be an entire post on it's own.
Spent the entire day on Friday getting my Gram out to shop and run a few errands. It felt really good to have the familiarity of such simple tasks at hand and to be doing them with her. She really enjoyed my visit (and Bella's, too) and was feeling pretty depressed when it came time for us to leave. She'd really like to have me back there.
Mom was kind of busy pet-sitting but I still got to spend time with her. Not as much as I'd have liked, but sometimes schedules don't cooperate. She did, however, accompany me to another interview. Ok, well, not to the interview itself, but she drove with me because she knew where it was and I didn't. We were both tired and cranky from lack of sleep, but it was time well spent. She and I used to hop in the car and just go. Anytime, anywhere. It reminded me a little of that.
And the interview, it was a last minute thing... yes, this is a different company. Perhaps the largest hospital system in Cleveland, they wanted to interview me. So I got up at 5:45am (keep in mind that my current schedule typically sees me going to bed at 4am!), drove there, interviewed, returned to get Isabella, drove back to Pittsburgh, unloaded my things from the car, fed Bella and immediately turned right back around to go to work. Almost 6 hours on the road, an interview, and working all in one day is not something I recommend.
No, I didn't get any of the rest I'd hoped for. If anything, I'm more tired than before. But you know what? It felt good to be there. Now, how it's comparing to being back in Pittsburgh and my comparisons along the way... well, that's just as exhausting; and more than I can think about right now. For now... all I can think about is sleep.....
Isabella was very good for the ride. For the first hour she didn't move. If I accelerated or hit the brakes she just kind of rolled in the same position - kind of like a stuffed animal. After a while she got the hang of it and was fine. She sucks at conversation, though. Although as a cat, she is more skilled than some humans I know.
I stopped in to the hospital where I used to work and visited there for a while. In some ways it felt comfortable, but a part of me really felt out of place. Just the passage of time I guess. It was nice to see them again, though.
My wonderful lake and noisy seagulls were there to greet me, along with a few herons to add to the mix. I really miss that. Alot. I hate being land locked; rivers don't count.
Made it to my 'nephew's' 4th birthday party and didn't even have to up my tranquilizer dose. Came close. He's spending time with some really beastly children and it seems he's taking on some of the behavior. Blech. Even so, it was a good time. And there was a big yellow Sponge Bob cake, so how bad could it be?
My friend's grad party was pretty fun. Her family is nuts, which I've known for years. After a few drinks they are swinging around light poles. Really, they are. It was wonderful to see her reach her goal and have us all there to share in the celebration. A former co-worker went with me and he and I had the chance to catch up. Of course, I'm pretty sure he's mad at me now but I don't care. He spilled all sorts of info that I had told him that night at work the next day. Not that it was classified, but it was a private conversation. As soon as I found out, I got him on the phone and set things straight. Yeah. He was not happy with me. Oh well. Sometimes I just don't know what get's into that boy.
I almost ran into two other friends, one at each party but the timing was off. First was my friend Lisa; she and I drifted apart about a year and a half ago. We've got the others' number so hopefully we'll be able to catch up. The second was Matt. Oh boy. He comes in and out of my life every couple of years and every time it happens, I realize that I still have that schoolgirl crush that I did back in the 7th grade. But that could be an entire post on it's own.
Spent the entire day on Friday getting my Gram out to shop and run a few errands. It felt really good to have the familiarity of such simple tasks at hand and to be doing them with her. She really enjoyed my visit (and Bella's, too) and was feeling pretty depressed when it came time for us to leave. She'd really like to have me back there.
Mom was kind of busy pet-sitting but I still got to spend time with her. Not as much as I'd have liked, but sometimes schedules don't cooperate. She did, however, accompany me to another interview. Ok, well, not to the interview itself, but she drove with me because she knew where it was and I didn't. We were both tired and cranky from lack of sleep, but it was time well spent. She and I used to hop in the car and just go. Anytime, anywhere. It reminded me a little of that.
And the interview, it was a last minute thing... yes, this is a different company. Perhaps the largest hospital system in Cleveland, they wanted to interview me. So I got up at 5:45am (keep in mind that my current schedule typically sees me going to bed at 4am!), drove there, interviewed, returned to get Isabella, drove back to Pittsburgh, unloaded my things from the car, fed Bella and immediately turned right back around to go to work. Almost 6 hours on the road, an interview, and working all in one day is not something I recommend.
No, I didn't get any of the rest I'd hoped for. If anything, I'm more tired than before. But you know what? It felt good to be there. Now, how it's comparing to being back in Pittsburgh and my comparisons along the way... well, that's just as exhausting; and more than I can think about right now. For now... all I can think about is sleep.....
Thursday, May 18, 2006
School is out!
I feel like it's the last day of school before summer vacation. Why? I'm off work Thursday and Friday, plus the weekend! Well hot damn and hallelujah!!! I'm not even unpacked from the weekend and I'm off to Ohio again, well... in about 10 hours or so. I haven't finished packing, organizing, or doing any sort of cleaning up around here and my ISP folks are slated to show up some time between 8am and noon to fix a problem. Oh yeah. I didn't count sleep in there yet either, did I? You know what they say... I'll get all the rest I need when I'm dead.
For now, I'm off to cram six hours of things I need to do into about an hour and a half and try to get a few hours of sleep (depending on when the ISP people get here), then load everything into my car before I take off on another three hour drive with my cat in tow. Well golly, this sounds like such fun. Ahem.
Once I get there, I'm going to stop in at the hospital I used to work at for a quick visit, do a few things for my Gram (just like 'old times'), go to my 'nephew's' fourth birthday party [note to self: take extra Excedrin and sedatives], and attend my friend's college graduation party. There are a few other things in the works, but we'll see what happens. I'd like to just get some time to relax, too, if possible.
Catching up on blogs after my mini-getaway should be interesting. It's kind of fun to see how much can change for everyone in just a few days! Ok... off to do all the stuff I should have done before.
For now, I'm off to cram six hours of things I need to do into about an hour and a half and try to get a few hours of sleep (depending on when the ISP people get here), then load everything into my car before I take off on another three hour drive with my cat in tow. Well golly, this sounds like such fun. Ahem.
Once I get there, I'm going to stop in at the hospital I used to work at for a quick visit, do a few things for my Gram (just like 'old times'), go to my 'nephew's' fourth birthday party [note to self: take extra Excedrin and sedatives], and attend my friend's college graduation party. There are a few other things in the works, but we'll see what happens. I'd like to just get some time to relax, too, if possible.
Catching up on blogs after my mini-getaway should be interesting. It's kind of fun to see how much can change for everyone in just a few days! Ok... off to do all the stuff I should have done before.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Steady as she goes
So...
I went on my little trip for my 'get acquainted meeting' and made it back to Pittsburgh with precisely one hour to spare before having to turn around and go back to work. No names mentioned, but someone's ass is surely dragging! I'm actually writing this before work because if I don't do something, I'll fall asleep. When I get home, I'll be so tired I'd be making less sense than usual so the post would be pointless.
The meeting was good and 90 minutes long. They like me and my interviewer said she had no doubt that I would do well in the position. Nothing has been offered, but if it were to be, I would most likely be looking at a minimum of four to six weeks in the future. I would be the person with the most hands on pharmaceutical experience in the department. Ok, the ONLY one with hands on experience. The rest are chemists and such but they don't have the practical use of it that I do, which is cool.
I'm not jumping up and down just yet, though. Even if there is an offer, I've got alot of thinking to do. It involves all those crappy things like ethics and morals. Simply put, without stating too much, my job would be the last step before another phase begins. I have reservations about said phase. The person in this position would occasionally be directly involved in this phase as well depending on staffing and if a huge drug trial deadline has to be met. Not really what I wanted to hear, but I was kind of afraid I would. And I did.
Other than that, it was great. I'm glad I took the time to go; the place is amazing! Maybe I'll hear back from them in the future once they get things settled.
I just don't want to have to crush up mouse thighs (which is something entirely different) in the name of science. Thankfully, I think it's someone else's job. That's just gross.
I went on my little trip for my 'get acquainted meeting' and made it back to Pittsburgh with precisely one hour to spare before having to turn around and go back to work. No names mentioned, but someone's ass is surely dragging! I'm actually writing this before work because if I don't do something, I'll fall asleep. When I get home, I'll be so tired I'd be making less sense than usual so the post would be pointless.
The meeting was good and 90 minutes long. They like me and my interviewer said she had no doubt that I would do well in the position. Nothing has been offered, but if it were to be, I would most likely be looking at a minimum of four to six weeks in the future. I would be the person with the most hands on pharmaceutical experience in the department. Ok, the ONLY one with hands on experience. The rest are chemists and such but they don't have the practical use of it that I do, which is cool.
I'm not jumping up and down just yet, though. Even if there is an offer, I've got alot of thinking to do. It involves all those crappy things like ethics and morals. Simply put, without stating too much, my job would be the last step before another phase begins. I have reservations about said phase. The person in this position would occasionally be directly involved in this phase as well depending on staffing and if a huge drug trial deadline has to be met. Not really what I wanted to hear, but I was kind of afraid I would. And I did.
Other than that, it was great. I'm glad I took the time to go; the place is amazing! Maybe I'll hear back from them in the future once they get things settled.
I just don't want to have to crush up mouse thighs (which is something entirely different) in the name of science. Thankfully, I think it's someone else's job. That's just gross.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The road to hell and the scenery along the way
Although the aforementioned ring of fire still has a grip on me, I have a better grip on some kick ass antibiotics; I remain hopeful. Burning, but hopeful.
But here's the thing. The past couple of days I had a new idea come to me regarding my dilemma to go or stay. I was starting to think of it seriously and then out of nowhere, *wham*, I got checked into the boards by another possibility. A company that I have been eyeing for years wants to talk to me. Nothing official, I guess they just want to meet and see if I'm a raging jackass or something first. There is the possibility of a big downside, but I don't know enough to write about it yet, so I won't. Come Monday, we'll meet and I'll know more. I'm excited, but don't want to get my hopes up considering it's nothing official. They call it a 'get acquainted meeting'.... uh, yeeeaah. But you should see this place! If things go well, I'll include the link. It's fascinating just to look at the site (the company itself is on 43 acres!), but for any of you medical-sciencey-nerdy types... you'll absolutely love it! It's like a modern mad scientist's laboratory!
For now I shall bide my time. I really didn't see this one coming. And besides, I shouldn't worry; if I put my mind to it, I can charm the pants off anyone! =)
Note to self... leave Tourette's-like verbal outbursts in the car when you go in...
But here's the thing. The past couple of days I had a new idea come to me regarding my dilemma to go or stay. I was starting to think of it seriously and then out of nowhere, *wham*, I got checked into the boards by another possibility. A company that I have been eyeing for years wants to talk to me. Nothing official, I guess they just want to meet and see if I'm a raging jackass or something first. There is the possibility of a big downside, but I don't know enough to write about it yet, so I won't. Come Monday, we'll meet and I'll know more. I'm excited, but don't want to get my hopes up considering it's nothing official. They call it a 'get acquainted meeting'.... uh, yeeeaah. But you should see this place! If things go well, I'll include the link. It's fascinating just to look at the site (the company itself is on 43 acres!), but for any of you medical-sciencey-nerdy types... you'll absolutely love it! It's like a modern mad scientist's laboratory!
For now I shall bide my time. I really didn't see this one coming. And besides, I shouldn't worry; if I put my mind to it, I can charm the pants off anyone! =)
Note to self... leave Tourette's-like verbal outbursts in the car when you go in...
Monday, May 08, 2006
And it burns, burns, burns...
... the ring of fire.
Or in my case.... the stream of urine. (So much for a tribute to a legend, eh?)
From time to time, I know I tell you all too much and you probably feel like scrubbing your brain with bleach afterward. This will be one of those times.
Here's the brief version....
Just minding my own business, time to pee... AAAHHHH. Blood? Blood?! Lovely. And it does burn, burn, burn. And sorta itch. Hmm. This can't be good. (Reaching into memory banks) Oh yes, of course; it's a UTI! Well, hello old friend. How've you been? Yeah, yeah, now will you kindly release your infectious little grip of my crotch thank you very much?!!?
The hematuria portion is unnerving but I've got a history of occasional unexplained hematuria so it's not like I think I'm dying or something. Eh, suppose I could be, but at least I don't think I am... that's the important part, right?
So, here's my treatment plan. Ready? I'm stealing antibiotics from work. After all, they're the ones who've kept me so damned busy I literally didn't have the time to pee, so I consider them directly responsible for bringing on this urinary infection from the depths of hell. Even so, thank goodness it's just the inexpensive antibiotics; I'd probably feel too guilty to take the expensive ones. Besides, with no one working, I'd never get time away to see a doctor... they owe me this one.
If I've ever expressed the desire for 'fire in my loins'... remind me to be a little more specific next time, will ya'?
Or in my case.... the stream of urine. (So much for a tribute to a legend, eh?)
From time to time, I know I tell you all too much and you probably feel like scrubbing your brain with bleach afterward. This will be one of those times.
Here's the brief version....
Just minding my own business, time to pee... AAAHHHH. Blood? Blood?! Lovely. And it does burn, burn, burn. And sorta itch. Hmm. This can't be good. (Reaching into memory banks) Oh yes, of course; it's a UTI! Well, hello old friend. How've you been? Yeah, yeah, now will you kindly release your infectious little grip of my crotch thank you very much?!!?
The hematuria portion is unnerving but I've got a history of occasional unexplained hematuria so it's not like I think I'm dying or something. Eh, suppose I could be, but at least I don't think I am... that's the important part, right?
So, here's my treatment plan. Ready? I'm stealing antibiotics from work. After all, they're the ones who've kept me so damned busy I literally didn't have the time to pee, so I consider them directly responsible for bringing on this urinary infection from the depths of hell. Even so, thank goodness it's just the inexpensive antibiotics; I'd probably feel too guilty to take the expensive ones. Besides, with no one working, I'd never get time away to see a doctor... they owe me this one.
If I've ever expressed the desire for 'fire in my loins'... remind me to be a little more specific next time, will ya'?
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Keep holding on when my brain's ticking like a bomb...
So. It's come to this - drunken blogging. Eh, probably won't be any different than my usual crap. I've decided that drinking will even me out tonight, which is probably one of the dumbest things I could conclude, but fuck it, I'm not really a model of reliability and stable decisions at the moment.
I'm trying to hold it together, but the strangest thing has happened. I know from past experiences that it's a dangerous thing, too. The past few days I've been just walking around crying... at work, the store, driving, you name it. Basically, a total fucking wreck. As of last night, I lost the ability to cry, although I feel it. It's like having a sneeze lying in wait that just won't come. There's not a damn thing you can do about it. I'm even trying to bring it on, so I can let some of this tension go, but I can't. What the fuck?! This is not good. I know that I am literally like a bomb at this point.
So, what's thrown me into such a tizzy? (Sorry, I just think the word 'tizzy' is funny. Don't make fun of my use of it or I'll kick your ass. I mean it. I'll hunt you down...=)) It was soooo 'The LIveWiRe Show' at work tonight... and... this is the best... I've been approached again about playing henchman regarding another employee. It's like they are trying to bring me into their inner circle and it's creeping me out. I'm not comfortable with their methods. Imagine a train derailment and apply it to the workplace... that says it all. If I fuck over the other person over a barrel, I'm safe, although I'm short another staff member. If I help them, I'm fucked. What a great position to be in. I won't even go into the pressure being put on me as the only employee responsible for everything on my shift.
Speaking of being fucked and great positions... I've sort of been developing a crush on this guy. But after a conversation tonight, I've decided either he's clueless or I'm an idiot. Maybe both. We flirt alot and get along very well, but I just think banging my head on a wall would be more productive. Ah, fuck that, too... apparently celibacy is where it's at. ARGH! What the hell?! We're a good match, but I have just lost all desire to push the issue. Mind you, I've not lost interest in him, but I'll suffer in silence. It's what I'm good at.
Tonight on the way home, there was an accident and therefore, a detour. Because of the terrain here and all the rivers, etc. - I only know one fucking way to get home! Navigating this city is not an easy task on a good day or with sunlight let alone in the middle of the night with a ton of dumb ass people leaving the clubs. I managed to make it over one river, into the heart of the city, onto roads I've not been on in ages, and back over another river. Friday night is not a good time for detours; especially after conversations with clueless men you have a crush on. Pissed me off, I tell you. But yes, I still had the sense to hope the people in the accident were ok.
And just to add to it all, I have one week to let my landlords know if I'm renewing my lease or leaving. If I stay, I'm dumb. I mean, I like my apartment, but my neighborhood blows dirty ass. The bigger problem is whether I'm leaving this city or not. I should do that; it's not been good. But now, within the past week, I've been wondering if I should stay or go. Leaving it all is the sane way to go... so why can't I make that decision and stick with it comfortably?! Is it because my sanity itself is questionable?
So here I sit, rambling on, with a blood alcohol level that would make a certain Kennedy envious. Somehow, after a few days of feeling everything, I'm now feeling next to nothing. I need to feel something to make my decisions, but I can't. Well, I'm feeling it, I just can't get it out and it's just building to dangerous levels. I'm fucked aren't I? I feel like I should just bend over and grab my ankles and let life get me up the ass. I mean, it's all going to explode when I least expect it, of that I'm sure.
I swear to shake it up if you swear to listen... do those words mean anything to you? If not, check out this link and listen to the first song called 'The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage'. A little different from my usual, but for some reason I can't shake it - catchy little bugger. Besides, that's one of the best titles I've heard in a long while. I love it. Actually, it's the only thing I love right now.
Oh yeah... disclaimer thingy.... more adult language than usual and stuff. Now go listen to the damned song.
I'm trying to hold it together, but the strangest thing has happened. I know from past experiences that it's a dangerous thing, too. The past few days I've been just walking around crying... at work, the store, driving, you name it. Basically, a total fucking wreck. As of last night, I lost the ability to cry, although I feel it. It's like having a sneeze lying in wait that just won't come. There's not a damn thing you can do about it. I'm even trying to bring it on, so I can let some of this tension go, but I can't. What the fuck?! This is not good. I know that I am literally like a bomb at this point.
So, what's thrown me into such a tizzy? (Sorry, I just think the word 'tizzy' is funny. Don't make fun of my use of it or I'll kick your ass. I mean it. I'll hunt you down...=)) It was soooo 'The LIveWiRe Show' at work tonight... and... this is the best... I've been approached again about playing henchman regarding another employee. It's like they are trying to bring me into their inner circle and it's creeping me out. I'm not comfortable with their methods. Imagine a train derailment and apply it to the workplace... that says it all. If I fuck over the other person over a barrel, I'm safe, although I'm short another staff member. If I help them, I'm fucked. What a great position to be in. I won't even go into the pressure being put on me as the only employee responsible for everything on my shift.
Speaking of being fucked and great positions... I've sort of been developing a crush on this guy. But after a conversation tonight, I've decided either he's clueless or I'm an idiot. Maybe both. We flirt alot and get along very well, but I just think banging my head on a wall would be more productive. Ah, fuck that, too... apparently celibacy is where it's at. ARGH! What the hell?! We're a good match, but I have just lost all desire to push the issue. Mind you, I've not lost interest in him, but I'll suffer in silence. It's what I'm good at.
Tonight on the way home, there was an accident and therefore, a detour. Because of the terrain here and all the rivers, etc. - I only know one fucking way to get home! Navigating this city is not an easy task on a good day or with sunlight let alone in the middle of the night with a ton of dumb ass people leaving the clubs. I managed to make it over one river, into the heart of the city, onto roads I've not been on in ages, and back over another river. Friday night is not a good time for detours; especially after conversations with clueless men you have a crush on. Pissed me off, I tell you. But yes, I still had the sense to hope the people in the accident were ok.
And just to add to it all, I have one week to let my landlords know if I'm renewing my lease or leaving. If I stay, I'm dumb. I mean, I like my apartment, but my neighborhood blows dirty ass. The bigger problem is whether I'm leaving this city or not. I should do that; it's not been good. But now, within the past week, I've been wondering if I should stay or go. Leaving it all is the sane way to go... so why can't I make that decision and stick with it comfortably?! Is it because my sanity itself is questionable?
So here I sit, rambling on, with a blood alcohol level that would make a certain Kennedy envious. Somehow, after a few days of feeling everything, I'm now feeling next to nothing. I need to feel something to make my decisions, but I can't. Well, I'm feeling it, I just can't get it out and it's just building to dangerous levels. I'm fucked aren't I? I feel like I should just bend over and grab my ankles and let life get me up the ass. I mean, it's all going to explode when I least expect it, of that I'm sure.
I swear to shake it up if you swear to listen... do those words mean anything to you? If not, check out this link and listen to the first song called 'The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage'. A little different from my usual, but for some reason I can't shake it - catchy little bugger. Besides, that's one of the best titles I've heard in a long while. I love it. Actually, it's the only thing I love right now.
Oh yeah... disclaimer thingy.... more adult language than usual and stuff. Now go listen to the damned song.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Double Whammy!
I'm ignoring the fact that I'm falling apart in most respects to bring you this little newsflash. Ok, well two newsflashes...
doot doot doooot, doot doot doot, doot doot doooot.....
(uh, that was my version of a news bulletin sound...)
Amazingly, I will be crossing the 20,000 threshold on my site counter here. Wow, you people are apparently crazier than I am to keep coming back... =) In all seriousness though, I appreciate each and every one of you; you've helped to keep me just this side of sane. Hey... no smart ass comments!
More importantly... I have crossed the 100 pound (45.5 kg) mark in my weight loss adventure. Ok, so it's only by one pound, but if you'd have asked me whether I could get this far a year and a half ago, I'd have laughed in your face. Or monitor, you know what I mean. I'm still convinced that every scale is wrong and that someone has replaced my clothes with lookalikes in my old size but sewn in new tags. It still hasn't sunk in. I still have a ways to go, but for the first time in my life, I don't doubt for a minute that I can do it. To think I did it all on my own is a damn good feeling. Then again, I never take the easy way, do I?
Encapsulated, my life is going down the tubes - I just have a smaller tube and lots of bloggers visiting to watch it happen...lol.
doot doot doooot, doot doot doot, doot doot doooot.....
(uh, that was my version of a news bulletin sound...)
Amazingly, I will be crossing the 20,000 threshold on my site counter here. Wow, you people are apparently crazier than I am to keep coming back... =) In all seriousness though, I appreciate each and every one of you; you've helped to keep me just this side of sane. Hey... no smart ass comments!
More importantly... I have crossed the 100 pound (45.5 kg) mark in my weight loss adventure. Ok, so it's only by one pound, but if you'd have asked me whether I could get this far a year and a half ago, I'd have laughed in your face. Or monitor, you know what I mean. I'm still convinced that every scale is wrong and that someone has replaced my clothes with lookalikes in my old size but sewn in new tags. It still hasn't sunk in. I still have a ways to go, but for the first time in my life, I don't doubt for a minute that I can do it. To think I did it all on my own is a damn good feeling. Then again, I never take the easy way, do I?
Encapsulated, my life is going down the tubes - I just have a smaller tube and lots of bloggers visiting to watch it happen...lol.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
It would seem that I am 'it'.
In the never ending but always interesting game of blog tag, I have been chosen as a recent 'taggee' by Whatalotoffun! Let's see what I can come up with, shall we?
Four jobs I've had:
Holiday Gift Wrapper
Veterinary Technician
Background Investigator
Ice Cream Scooper (In which I wore a sunny yellow and orange polyester get up complete with apron and sun visor.... sun visor... and it was indoors!)
Four films I watch over and over:
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Edward Scissorhands
Everafter
Heartbreakers
Four places I've lived:
Technically, my answer should be, "Everywhere that I wasn't dead.".... But I've moved 40 times, all between Ohio and Pennsylvania. And one brief stint in Denver, CO.
Four TV shows I love:
I don't watch TV much due to my schedule but prior to that...
House
Will & Grace
South Park
Discovery Channel stuff
Five places I've been on vacation:
Europe (Belgium, Switzerland, Holland and Germany)
Caribbean (No, I didn't see any pirates resembling Johnny Depp)
British Columbia, CAN/Seattle, WA/Portland, OR
Sanibel Island, FL
Bar Harbor, ME
Four websites I visit often:
In addition to all of you guys, which I check as often as I can;
Stuff on My Cat
MBlog - Matthew Good
Otherwise I just go where I feel like going. My memory is too bad to remember to check a bunch of sites.
Four of my favorite foods:
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Flamin' Hot Cheetos (Heehee... I believe in diversity.)
Four places I'd rather be now:
In bed
On vacation
Meeting the love of my life
Hey... how about in bed, on vacation with the love of my life?!
People I'm tagging:
None... it's hard to choose, so I'll let you fight it out amongst yourselves. =)
Four jobs I've had:
Holiday Gift Wrapper
Veterinary Technician
Background Investigator
Ice Cream Scooper (In which I wore a sunny yellow and orange polyester get up complete with apron and sun visor.... sun visor... and it was indoors!)
Four films I watch over and over:
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Edward Scissorhands
Everafter
Heartbreakers
Four places I've lived:
Technically, my answer should be, "Everywhere that I wasn't dead.".... But I've moved 40 times, all between Ohio and Pennsylvania. And one brief stint in Denver, CO.
Four TV shows I love:
I don't watch TV much due to my schedule but prior to that...
House
Will & Grace
South Park
Discovery Channel stuff
Five places I've been on vacation:
Europe (Belgium, Switzerland, Holland and Germany)
Caribbean (No, I didn't see any pirates resembling Johnny Depp)
British Columbia, CAN/Seattle, WA/Portland, OR
Sanibel Island, FL
Bar Harbor, ME
Four websites I visit often:
In addition to all of you guys, which I check as often as I can;
Stuff on My Cat
MBlog - Matthew Good
Otherwise I just go where I feel like going. My memory is too bad to remember to check a bunch of sites.
Four of my favorite foods:
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Iced Mocha Frappuccinos
Flamin' Hot Cheetos (Heehee... I believe in diversity.)
Four places I'd rather be now:
In bed
On vacation
Meeting the love of my life
Hey... how about in bed, on vacation with the love of my life?!
People I'm tagging:
None... it's hard to choose, so I'll let you fight it out amongst yourselves. =)
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