It's been increasingly evident that I have less and less to say. I don't mean just in blogland, but in general. I don't even have anything good to tell myself or anyone else.
I know (well, I hope) it's just a phase of sorts, but it's a little unsettling. Earlier, I caught myself drifting off into space, just staring at a fixed point on the wall for so long that it became all but invisible to me. We all do that at some point, right? Right. Only thing is, when I realized it, I just kind of gave a muffled grunt of acknowledgement and kept right...on....staring..... I'm not sure how long I sat there like that and worse yet, I don't care.
Depressed? Maybe. Complacent? Somewhat. Stumped by what to do with my life in general? Ding! Ding! Ding! We may have a winner here! Something tells me that I am kind of zoning out in hopes that the 'answer' may sift through to me on a subconscious level. Yeah, ok sure. It might - just like those goofy 'Magic Eye' things that you can only see when you try NOT to see them! Well, I can't see those either so maybe this isn't the method of enlightenment for me.
My friends (and even those that don't like me...), it's time I face the fact that I am bearing a striking resemblance to one leonine creature in The Wizard of Oz. I think I need courage. Aside from my occasional snivelling posts, I tend to be rather confident. If confidence can't cover it, then I just don't really give a shit.... you get the idea; it's taken care of either way. Somehow I think I've been taking confidence and courage to be the same thing. Well, they're not. How many years have I been on this planet and I am just learning this...
The courage I lack is that of someone who is willing to take chances and risks on things that will make them happy. In numerous ways I do have courage, but not when it comes to taking steps in my own life. No, often I do, but apparently I'm experiencing technical difficulties. Somewhere, there is fear overriding that courage and I'll tell you what; it's really starting to piss me off. That is good; anger has always been an incredibly effective motivator for me.
Perhaps my zoning out/staring moments are the physical manifestation of this silent conflict between courage and fear. It sort of cancels each other out; much like burning a piece of paper. Everyone assumes the fire 'wins' but isn't the end result the same? The fire has consumed the paper. The paper has fuelled the fire to the point of extinguishing. No paper, no fire - just a new substance - ash.
I've known for a while that something hasn't been quite right (Hey! No jokes there....) but haven't been able to really classify it. Now I have a new way of looking at it. And as I have many times in the past, I will manage to rise from the ashes. Well, hopefully without tripping and falling...
~
Friday, July 29, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Know What?
I would make a kick ass mad scientist!
No really, I would.
I came to this conclusion tonight at work. I have the perfect quirky, erratic personality for it. The kind that no one even pretends to attempt an explanation for. There tends to be alot of eye rolling and shoulder-shrugging involved...
I was working in the IV room tonight and when it got really busy and I was making all of my TPNs, PPNs and IVs, I was just in my own little world. Usually I have two physical speeds: slow and slower. Working in that IV room gets me going and I really find a groove; everything else just kind of falls away.
Although this is just a generic photo, it shows a bit of what I do. Of course we don't have the funds at our facility to have all those nifty little machines that measure everything out for you... we do it using our own calculations and accurate measuring. But that's fine by me! That's the fun of it! That's what makes me feel like I'd be a great mad scientist - the hands on work!
I get so drawn into it that I could just imagine myself being one of those types that gets way carried away; sort of bordering on scary. I suppose it's a good thing I don't have an Einstein-esque IQ then, eh? (Ok, for those of you that know me a little better... STOP laughing at that idea! I mean it!) Ah... but if I did...
Hey, do they have Mad Scientist schools?....
Friday, July 22, 2005
Please, put the phone down.
Step away from the phone...
I was just sitting here moments ago, hoping to catch up with someone via IM - pretty much minding my own business. As my computer is located directly in front of two windows, I get a great view of the outside world. Today's view?
Except according to Benny... he doesn't look very happy, does he? Oh well...
I was just sitting here moments ago, hoping to catch up with someone via IM - pretty much minding my own business. As my computer is located directly in front of two windows, I get a great view of the outside world. Today's view?
In this case, the outside world had huge teeth. And was furry. Yes, it was Benny. Boy am I ever grateful for him... for lo, in his powerful jaws was ensnared a creature of mythical proportion...
Yes, here is the creature Benny so bravely saved me from. Sorry, I suppose it would have been kind of me to properly warn you that I was, in fact, going to show a picture of this horrific beast. Unfathomable as it may be, I wrestled this wee beastie from Benny, risking life and limb. Well, moreso from Benny, but still...
If you know anything about rabbits, wild or domestic, you know that when they get frightened, they just freeze. For me, this is good. For me, this means cute photo ops. And 'squeeze' time.
Yep, just like this one. Now, this little one is still in a bit of shock from the run-in with the aforementioned feline so please, don't think I was being cruel. Well, maybe a little self-serving, but not cruel. To let it go immediately would have been the same as handing it over to Benny with a parsley garnish. I was merely giving time for the shock to wear off.
Ok, so I also happen to know that it is relatively easy to put rabbits in a 'trance' (this is a real thing) and, well, you can see for yourself. I promise you, this is not any form of animal cruelty. But come on, how cute is that?
So I had a few wonderful moments holding a baby bunny. It was old enough to be on it's own and hopefully when I let it go (unscathed), it chose a wiser, more remote path. And learned to hop faster. In the end, all was well.
Except according to Benny... he doesn't look very happy, does he? Oh well...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Recipe type things...
Some of you expressed interest in recipes for the items shown in my previous post. If you knew how little I actually cooked, you'd find it laughable... As promised, here are the recipes - I hope you enjoy! If you try them, let me know how they turn out, ok?
Salsa the Hard Way
(There are no quantities, volumes, or amounts here as this is all 'to taste'.)
Tomatoes (Regular, large, vine ripened if possible)
Green Pepper
Red Pepper
Corn (On the cob is best)
Jicama (Ask the grocer)
Onion
Garlic
Hot Pepper(s) (Pick your level of heat)
Cilantro (fresh)
Limes (Or lime juice)
Salt/Pepper
Put on gloves first - you will thank me in the end. "Gut" the tomatoes, saving the seeds and juicy stuff in a bowl in case you need to add moisture at the end. Wash peppers and place directly on stovetop. A gas range works best. Turn peppers when each side becomes charred. You should remove the battery from your smoke detector first. Let all sides roast, leaving about 1/4 to 1/3 of the pepper green/red. When you are done roasting them, plunge them under cold running water and rub. Most of the charred skin will slough off but leave some of the blackened portions to add flavor, color, and texture. While they are roasting, take about 1/3 each of your diced onion and minced garlic and lightly saute. If you have cooked corn on the cob, roast that lightly as well; it will bring out the sweetness. Canned corn can be used if you don't have fresh corn on the cob. Peel and dice jicama. Jicama is a root bulb thing that looks like a large turnip and tastes like a combination between a raw potato and raw apple. It is white and retains it's crunch. Best of all, it does not turn brown. You can also use it as a fruit/veggie for a sweet or savory dip. Chop, dice, or mince all veggies, including the fresh cilantro. Snap the bottom of a stem of cilantro in a fresh bunch; it should give off a pungent, unmistakable citrusy scent. The amount I have in the picture (looks like parsley) is actually about 1/3 the amount I'd normally use. Don't be afraid to use it! As far as the hot pepper... be afraid to use it...lol. Add it at the end. Separate seeds and membranes as they are the hottest. Mince it as fine as possible and even smash a little bit into juice, scooping it up with your knife to add to the bowl. This distributes the flavor more evenly. Juice a lime (pulp included) into the bowl or use lime juice. Add it in small amounts! After all is said and done, add pepper and salt. Mix well, let it sit for an hour or two then taste again. You may need to do this a few times to get the salt/lime/heat thing arranged properly. You might end up adding salt a few times as it seems to disappear in there somewhere...
Now, as for this cake.... I'll make it easy and use the recipe given. If you want to use an actual cake-from-scratch recipe, knock yourself out. I'll make a note afterward showing changes I made**.
Red Velvet Cherry Torte
Red Velvet box cake mix (yield: 2 round 9 inch cakes) such as Duncan Hines
1 (21oz) can of cherry pie filling
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 (8oz) container frozen non-dairy whipped topping, thawed (ie: Cool Whip - NEVER use the canned stuff!)
1/4 cup toasted, sliced almonds/hazlenuts **
Prepared Cream Cheese frosting ** such as Pillsbury
Make and completely cool cakes. Combine cherry pie filling and almond extract in a bowl and stir.
Place one cake layer on a cake plate or something similar. Spread with 1 cup whipped topping then 1/2 of the pie filling mixture. Top with the second cake layer and spread remaining pie filling mixture to within 1 1/2 inches of the cake edge. Decorate edge with remaining whipped topping and sliced almonds.
My version**:
I've never used almond extract. Prior to the layer of Cool Whip, I spread a thin layer of cream cheese frosting**. Don't worry if the crumbs blend in, no one will see it as it gets topped by Cool Whip then cherry pie filling. For the top layer, I use another thin layer of frosting** and another layer of Cool Whip, taking it out to the edge. You can easily pipe Cool Whip around the edge first making a corral for the top layer of cherries. Hazelnut pieces or almond slices can go around the edge of the piped Cool Whip. To transport the cake or prevent the layers from sliding, use several long wooden skewers placed in at an angle, almost forming an 'X' of sorts.
So there, that is my contribution to the culinary world. Please let me know if you try them or like them, or if you come up with new variations. Bon appetit!
Salsa the Hard Way
(There are no quantities, volumes, or amounts here as this is all 'to taste'.)
Tomatoes (Regular, large, vine ripened if possible)
Green Pepper
Red Pepper
Corn (On the cob is best)
Jicama (Ask the grocer)
Onion
Garlic
Hot Pepper(s) (Pick your level of heat)
Cilantro (fresh)
Limes (Or lime juice)
Salt/Pepper
Put on gloves first - you will thank me in the end. "Gut" the tomatoes, saving the seeds and juicy stuff in a bowl in case you need to add moisture at the end. Wash peppers and place directly on stovetop. A gas range works best. Turn peppers when each side becomes charred. You should remove the battery from your smoke detector first. Let all sides roast, leaving about 1/4 to 1/3 of the pepper green/red. When you are done roasting them, plunge them under cold running water and rub. Most of the charred skin will slough off but leave some of the blackened portions to add flavor, color, and texture. While they are roasting, take about 1/3 each of your diced onion and minced garlic and lightly saute. If you have cooked corn on the cob, roast that lightly as well; it will bring out the sweetness. Canned corn can be used if you don't have fresh corn on the cob. Peel and dice jicama. Jicama is a root bulb thing that looks like a large turnip and tastes like a combination between a raw potato and raw apple. It is white and retains it's crunch. Best of all, it does not turn brown. You can also use it as a fruit/veggie for a sweet or savory dip. Chop, dice, or mince all veggies, including the fresh cilantro. Snap the bottom of a stem of cilantro in a fresh bunch; it should give off a pungent, unmistakable citrusy scent. The amount I have in the picture (looks like parsley) is actually about 1/3 the amount I'd normally use. Don't be afraid to use it! As far as the hot pepper... be afraid to use it...lol. Add it at the end. Separate seeds and membranes as they are the hottest. Mince it as fine as possible and even smash a little bit into juice, scooping it up with your knife to add to the bowl. This distributes the flavor more evenly. Juice a lime (pulp included) into the bowl or use lime juice. Add it in small amounts! After all is said and done, add pepper and salt. Mix well, let it sit for an hour or two then taste again. You may need to do this a few times to get the salt/lime/heat thing arranged properly. You might end up adding salt a few times as it seems to disappear in there somewhere...
Now, as for this cake.... I'll make it easy and use the recipe given. If you want to use an actual cake-from-scratch recipe, knock yourself out. I'll make a note afterward showing changes I made**.
Red Velvet Cherry Torte
Red Velvet box cake mix (yield: 2 round 9 inch cakes) such as Duncan Hines
1 (21oz) can of cherry pie filling
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 (8oz) container frozen non-dairy whipped topping, thawed (ie: Cool Whip - NEVER use the canned stuff!)
1/4 cup toasted, sliced almonds/hazlenuts **
Prepared Cream Cheese frosting ** such as Pillsbury
Make and completely cool cakes. Combine cherry pie filling and almond extract in a bowl and stir.
Place one cake layer on a cake plate or something similar. Spread with 1 cup whipped topping then 1/2 of the pie filling mixture. Top with the second cake layer and spread remaining pie filling mixture to within 1 1/2 inches of the cake edge. Decorate edge with remaining whipped topping and sliced almonds.
My version**:
I've never used almond extract. Prior to the layer of Cool Whip, I spread a thin layer of cream cheese frosting**. Don't worry if the crumbs blend in, no one will see it as it gets topped by Cool Whip then cherry pie filling. For the top layer, I use another thin layer of frosting** and another layer of Cool Whip, taking it out to the edge. You can easily pipe Cool Whip around the edge first making a corral for the top layer of cherries. Hazelnut pieces or almond slices can go around the edge of the piped Cool Whip. To transport the cake or prevent the layers from sliding, use several long wooden skewers placed in at an angle, almost forming an 'X' of sorts.
So there, that is my contribution to the culinary world. Please let me know if you try them or like them, or if you come up with new variations. Bon appetit!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Hot days & sweet nights
I don't want to brag about my oh-so-exciting life or anything, but I wanted to show you how I spent my day today. Please, refrain from fits of jealous rage and bouts of undeniable envy. (Ahem...)
This would be my homemade salsa. Proof that I do occasionally cook. The peppers look dark and weird because they were freshly fire roasted; they are not diseased.
Some assembly required.
Fully assembled.
This next little beauty is a Red Velvet Cherry Torte. I started with a recipe and tweaked a few things to make it more to my liking. Baking is way too exact for me, so you are most likely looking at my semi-annual cake. Quarterly cake if it's a busy year...
One helpful hint. Should you ever serve a red velvet cake you may want to keep in mind that the coloring will tint, um, various bodily excretions red. You may wish to tell this only to those you like. Let the rest squirm. And that is my helpful hint. Cake anyone?
After all the careful prep work and assembly, it would appear that the heat and humidity is lending a Burton-esque tilty look to it. Perhaps they call that 'melting'. Oh well - they'll eat it without pause; of that I am sure. I also learned that it is Chris Cornell's birthday (#41); I think he should come claim a piece from me directly.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Anger-filled trials and rather soggy tribulations...
Oh the singular pleasure of being me. Be thankful I save you from having this job...
Let's go back in time a few days, shall we? I've been doing this on again off again thing with my car's air conditioner for a few weeks. Recently, I lost. Plain and simple. To fix it would've been approximately $250 which I didn't want to pay. More realistically, if you saw one of my paychecks, you'd know that I couldn't pay it. Eventually, the humidity beat me into submission and I agreed to fix it. That's why a higher power created Visa... Anyway, Friday morning I went to get it fixed and the crappy-ass little man behind the counter announces to me that it will now be almost an additional $100 to fix. Personally, I think this is an unrealistic increase for a time frame that included all of 36 hours. We go a few rounds, my blood pressure reaches dangerously high levels, I call the dealership and talk to the parts manager and learn that this smug little man behind the counter knew the night before of this increase and opted to not call me. Now, I don't know where you live, but gas is somewhat costly here and I was not pleased over the fact that I'd wasted several gallons of it busting my ass to get there in time in stifling heat and humidity. Ranting and raving in the parking lot in near-melting conditions is seemingly the proper environment in which to grow horns from the top of one's head. I could see that little man peering out (barely) from behind the counter and decided he'd figure I wasn't having him do the work as he watched me drive away. Yes, I was hot, and crabby, but I went directly to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... I was then better. Back to that momentarily...
Flash to Saturday at 5:15pm - I leave work and within a minute and a half, I am in the midst of a monsoon. It was raining heavily; so heavily that keeping the wipers on high seemed as pointless as protecting the windshield with one of those little paper umbrellas that come in certain mixed drinks. I'd have pulled over but there was absolutely no where safe to pull off. Enter new dilemma. I have no AC - therefore, I cannot clear the fog from my windows. Yes, not only was I driving in a monsoon (or possibly a tornado), vision limited and further decreasing to dangerous levels, but I had to roll down all 4 of my windows almost 1/2 way. This did help somewhat in clearing the fog; however, I was now soaked as was the entire inside of my car along with it's contents. It was windy and raining in all directions causing my eyeballs themselves to feel the rain. I needed tiny wiper blades for my specs! Not good for driving. And it rained in my ear. Ew. I'm thinking this would be similar to going through a car wash in a convertible with the top down. I cannot highly recommend this. Later that evening I had to crawl into my soggy car and wipe down the windows in the hope that it would not be fully fogged the next morning. Even the speakers in the back were soaked! Sunday morning it wasn't too foggy but I can tell you that it smelled like a damp, slightly moldering sock in there. Double Ew. So I'm going to ask a friend if he can fix it. Hell, I'm about 5 minutes away from going all-out hillbilly and buying a roll of duct tape with which to make the repairs! Gah!
After my water-logged drive home on Saturday, I just wanted to catch up on email and do a quick post. Alas! Haha! No electricity! Even when it came on, my cable was out, which happens to be my ISP provider. *Sigh*. It was really not the best of days. Not terrible, but not one I'd wish to repeat although my family thought my recounting of my drive home was highly amusing.
One last thing to add here...
The redeeming quality to Friday was seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Wow! Let's just say that I'm ready to see it again. In true Burton fashion, it was just a visual treat! It was the kind of treat that made you feel like a kid again. So much to see, imagine, hear... it was magical.
Let's go back in time a few days, shall we? I've been doing this on again off again thing with my car's air conditioner for a few weeks. Recently, I lost. Plain and simple. To fix it would've been approximately $250 which I didn't want to pay. More realistically, if you saw one of my paychecks, you'd know that I couldn't pay it. Eventually, the humidity beat me into submission and I agreed to fix it. That's why a higher power created Visa... Anyway, Friday morning I went to get it fixed and the crappy-ass little man behind the counter announces to me that it will now be almost an additional $100 to fix. Personally, I think this is an unrealistic increase for a time frame that included all of 36 hours. We go a few rounds, my blood pressure reaches dangerously high levels, I call the dealership and talk to the parts manager and learn that this smug little man behind the counter knew the night before of this increase and opted to not call me. Now, I don't know where you live, but gas is somewhat costly here and I was not pleased over the fact that I'd wasted several gallons of it busting my ass to get there in time in stifling heat and humidity. Ranting and raving in the parking lot in near-melting conditions is seemingly the proper environment in which to grow horns from the top of one's head. I could see that little man peering out (barely) from behind the counter and decided he'd figure I wasn't having him do the work as he watched me drive away. Yes, I was hot, and crabby, but I went directly to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... I was then better. Back to that momentarily...
Flash to Saturday at 5:15pm - I leave work and within a minute and a half, I am in the midst of a monsoon. It was raining heavily; so heavily that keeping the wipers on high seemed as pointless as protecting the windshield with one of those little paper umbrellas that come in certain mixed drinks. I'd have pulled over but there was absolutely no where safe to pull off. Enter new dilemma. I have no AC - therefore, I cannot clear the fog from my windows. Yes, not only was I driving in a monsoon (or possibly a tornado), vision limited and further decreasing to dangerous levels, but I had to roll down all 4 of my windows almost 1/2 way. This did help somewhat in clearing the fog; however, I was now soaked as was the entire inside of my car along with it's contents. It was windy and raining in all directions causing my eyeballs themselves to feel the rain. I needed tiny wiper blades for my specs! Not good for driving. And it rained in my ear. Ew. I'm thinking this would be similar to going through a car wash in a convertible with the top down. I cannot highly recommend this. Later that evening I had to crawl into my soggy car and wipe down the windows in the hope that it would not be fully fogged the next morning. Even the speakers in the back were soaked! Sunday morning it wasn't too foggy but I can tell you that it smelled like a damp, slightly moldering sock in there. Double Ew. So I'm going to ask a friend if he can fix it. Hell, I'm about 5 minutes away from going all-out hillbilly and buying a roll of duct tape with which to make the repairs! Gah!
After my water-logged drive home on Saturday, I just wanted to catch up on email and do a quick post. Alas! Haha! No electricity! Even when it came on, my cable was out, which happens to be my ISP provider. *Sigh*. It was really not the best of days. Not terrible, but not one I'd wish to repeat although my family thought my recounting of my drive home was highly amusing.
One last thing to add here...
The redeeming quality to Friday was seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Wow! Let's just say that I'm ready to see it again. In true Burton fashion, it was just a visual treat! It was the kind of treat that made you feel like a kid again. So much to see, imagine, hear... it was magical.
Then add in Depp. Oh boy. He was so peculiar and the character was interesting throughout. You learn why he is, well, like he is... being so strange and all. The history makes all of his odd interactions make so much more sense. Some of his indifference to people (especially the children) made me laugh so hard because I could see some of me in that part of the character. 
One of my favorite things was the glass elevator; I'd love a ride in there yet Depp has a few difficulties with it. Don't suppose it would be a good combination with my vertigo, though. And young Freddie Highmore came close to making me cry with his honest innocence and polite demeanor. So much there... I've got to see it again. I need an IMAX theater closer!
Lots of word play, subtleties, and double meanings - right up my alley! I want his velvet coats... both of them. And I won't pressure him to get out of them first...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
And so I sit. And I stare.
And I wait to feel something new; something that makes sense.
I'm finding joy in less and less. When I manage to capture it for a brief moment, it is on it's way to gone just as the sweet taste begins to register on my tongue. Then I go all blank again. But don't say the wrong thing. And stop looking at me with expectation in your eyes. I'll fail either you or me. Maybe both if it's a busy day. When the smile is there, it is real. Well, with a few 'painted on' exceptions. When I am happy, you'll see the laughter in my eyes. When I'm feisty, you'll feel me taunting you with a playful challenge and I'll be sure to hold your gaze just a moment too long. When I care for you, my very soul will reach out for you.
Yet daily I sit and wait for those feelings to come and remain; to flow back into me and stay. I've been unsure and frightened. Angry and doubting of others, hateful and mean to myself. I have no middle ground - my intolerance turns to bitterness then douses me in tears. I've been trying to paint on that smile and sadly, it gets easier each time. It's not too convincing as of yet, and I find it pathetic to say 'but perhaps in time'. Most of my days have been spent swallowing anger, hiding fear, and narrowly avoiding some cataclysmic event that will certainly propel me into some sort of meltdown. And so I sit; and stare... carefully trying to hide my reactions. I try to make my chest stop squeezing so tightly, to hold tears at bay, and to keep the sharp words from tumbling over my lips and assaulting our ears.
Rumor has it that things will get better. I am one stubborn girl and so I expect that to hold true. It's just that this waiting and trying to piece the scraps together is proving so difficult. I hope to avoid irreparable damage to myself and to relationships, but each day makes me question that as a viable possibility. So....
In light of my mish-mosh of feeling, I decided to post another piece of art. It wasn't until recently that I noticed the contrast. I chose cool, calm colors yet placed the chopsticks so that it appears her jugular is about to be severed. On one hand - cool and calm. On the other - violent. I never noticed it and did the illustration innocently enough. Maybe it's just my current state that made me focus on that aspect. It was not intentional. I'll use a larger size to post this one so hopefully you can get better detail as a few of you had mentioned.
I'm finding joy in less and less. When I manage to capture it for a brief moment, it is on it's way to gone just as the sweet taste begins to register on my tongue. Then I go all blank again. But don't say the wrong thing. And stop looking at me with expectation in your eyes. I'll fail either you or me. Maybe both if it's a busy day. When the smile is there, it is real. Well, with a few 'painted on' exceptions. When I am happy, you'll see the laughter in my eyes. When I'm feisty, you'll feel me taunting you with a playful challenge and I'll be sure to hold your gaze just a moment too long. When I care for you, my very soul will reach out for you.
Yet daily I sit and wait for those feelings to come and remain; to flow back into me and stay. I've been unsure and frightened. Angry and doubting of others, hateful and mean to myself. I have no middle ground - my intolerance turns to bitterness then douses me in tears. I've been trying to paint on that smile and sadly, it gets easier each time. It's not too convincing as of yet, and I find it pathetic to say 'but perhaps in time'. Most of my days have been spent swallowing anger, hiding fear, and narrowly avoiding some cataclysmic event that will certainly propel me into some sort of meltdown. And so I sit; and stare... carefully trying to hide my reactions. I try to make my chest stop squeezing so tightly, to hold tears at bay, and to keep the sharp words from tumbling over my lips and assaulting our ears.
Rumor has it that things will get better. I am one stubborn girl and so I expect that to hold true. It's just that this waiting and trying to piece the scraps together is proving so difficult. I hope to avoid irreparable damage to myself and to relationships, but each day makes me question that as a viable possibility. So....
In light of my mish-mosh of feeling, I decided to post another piece of art. It wasn't until recently that I noticed the contrast. I chose cool, calm colors yet placed the chopsticks so that it appears her jugular is about to be severed. On one hand - cool and calm. On the other - violent. I never noticed it and did the illustration innocently enough. Maybe it's just my current state that made me focus on that aspect. It was not intentional. I'll use a larger size to post this one so hopefully you can get better detail as a few of you had mentioned.
This illustration was created with pencil, oil paint, and colored pencil.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Couldn't resist
It is rare that I put up little 'teehees' as I call them but this one just drove home the current state of our government, so here ya go...
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from the Eagle to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from the Eagle to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
My homework
So the curator over at Carpathian Towers has given me some homework to do. Well, more accurately he ran around me in circles laughing maniacally telling me I was 'it'. Yes, all girls dream of being 'it', yet somehow the maniacal laughter changed the dynamic...
(1) Imagine it’s 2015. You are visiting the library at a major research university. You go over to a computer terminal (or whatever it is they use in 2015) that gives you immediate access to any book or journal article on any topic you want. What do you look up? In other words, what do you hope somebody will have written in the meantime?
(1) Imagine it’s 2015. You are visiting the library at a major research university. You go over to a computer terminal (or whatever it is they use in 2015) that gives you immediate access to any book or journal article on any topic you want. What do you look up? In other words, what do you hope somebody will have written in the meantime?
What do I look up?! What don't I look up?! I want to know where all my socks disappeared to, where to find an underwire bra that doesn't attempt to puncture a lung upon it's third wearing, and find a permanent spider deterrant. I'd search for ways to improve my memor....oh hey.... look at that!!! It's shiny!!! Oh, sorry.... as I was saying... memory and concentration. I'd seek faster, safer travel methods, an alternative to fossil fuels that unmotivated people can use, and sources for a robot so it can do all of my grocery shopping for me. I hate grocery shopping. Come to think of it, I hate robots, too... I'd hope to find info on a 'weather alteration kit'; sometimes I'm just not happy with what I've got. For the most part, I'd look up everything. And how can I realistically say today what I'll be interested in at that time? The things I think of as 'futuristic' now may be commonplace in 3 years. Due to that fact, I'm looking up millions (I'll be there a while) of little things. So there. Take that! =)
(2) What is the strangest thing you’ve ever heard or seen at a conference? No names, please. Refer to “Professor X” or “Ms. Y” if you must. Double credit if you were directly affected. Triple if you then said or did something equally weird.
Really don't incorporate things of that nature into my life at this point and if anyone has read this blog for any length of time, you know that every day is filled with lots of weird things for me. Somewhere along the way I think I've earned quadruple points. The only thing I can think of at this point is when I was in college and we'd just entered a Photography lecture. For our lunch, my friend and I decided to go around the corner and have a drink. We ran directly into both professors in the bar and they'd apparently had the same idea. We were underage and they were drinking on the job - it was a draw! That was the beginning of a many months long ritual of drinking our lunches together. She slept with the one; I opted out. We both got As, though! =)
(3) Name a writer, scholar, or otherwise worthy person you admire so much that meeting him or her would probably reduce you to awestruck silence.
Easy. Matthew Good. He is a musician, he writes, has some serious geopolitical involvement and is rather Canadian. The depth that he projects (wait - is that an oxymoron?...) is sometimes humbling and often liberating and motivating. He makes me think and manages to take all my thoughts and feelings, entwine them, and then taunt me with it. And for this, I love him. Go figure.
(4) What are two or three blogs or other Web sites you often read that don’t seem to be on many people’s radar?
For obvious reasons, I'm starting with MBlog. Some of the blog is just fun or venting. Most of it has significance and makes me really think. There are several contributors but Matt often does the majority of posting. He doesn't just say 'this is good' or 'this is bad' - individualistic thought processes are encouraged. He'll be the first to say that he isn't there to win friends, but to simply discuss the matters posted. It's a great place to go to get some varying mental saturation.
Here's another one I check out when I just need to laugh at something that seems to be too strange to be true. It's Fark! It's kind of like, oh, I don't know. Strange news bits that make you do a double take. Often it involves laughter and a few 'eeewwws'. People never stop proving they are idiots.
So there is my homework; all nice an neat. As in the past, I'll not specifically tag people as I rarely do these myself. Oh, but you do know who you are...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
And sat down beside her???
I don't think so...
My normal morning routine went woefully wrong and has most likely earned me another 6 months on the couch along with a permanent seat at the local chapter of Phobias-R-Us.
So there I am, around 8am driving to work. For some reason I decided to glance in the rear view mirror, not to look at the rear view, but to look at me. Yeah, I don't know why, but that's what I did. I happened to see that my hair looked really strange on top like it was sort of sticking up in a little dome shape. At first I just figured it was because my windows were down and my locks were at the mercy of the wind. This is the point where it should occur to you that if that were the case, there would be no blog post...
Going about 50 miles an hour, heading toward a rather large lake, with the morning sun in your eyes is not, I repeat not the time to discover that there is an extremely large spider perched atop your head! In light of my particular loathing of the little multi-legged beasts, I took account of the situation in an amount of time that can only be accurately measured in nanoseconds. While driving, I managed to tilt my head and fling the bugger off as I'm being careful to not smoosh him (gross), injure him (I'd feel bad...) or anger him (lest he come directly for my jugular). There was also no way I was taking my eyes off of him so I took a piece of paper, looked in the mirror, flung him on the floor and gave a sigh of relief because I was still aware of his location. He had the audacity to walk up the passenger door, across the dash and sit right there in front of me. The little bastard was staring me down! Well, either that or mooning me... all sides look alike. So, we get to a stop sign, and I take my trusty piece of paper and try to scoot him out the window. His plans are not in direct agreement with my plans and he bungee jumps off the driver side door on the inside; right at my feet. Panic ensues... I've lost sight of the crafty little thing. I had no choice but to move from the stop sign and drive. For the next 4-5 miles I was sure he was planning his attack from an invisible bunker, eyeing up the open pantleg to my scrubs as if it were the portal to all that is holy to a spider. That was an unsettling 4-5 miles, let me tell you.
So I stop to pick up my morning iced Frappuccino and praise the Frap gods that I made it alive, sans unprovoked (hey, he started it!) arachnid attack. I looked on the floor, the seats, the doors, the roof - no sign of him. Whew. Upon my return, I did another inspection and he appeared to be gone, which in spider-speak means 'hiding'. I figured I could make the next 4 miles to work without incident so I slid into the car once again but stopped - one leg poised half in and half out. Now there was no doubt that this had become personal. There he perched right on my panel, somewhere between Full and Empty on my gas gauge, waiting for the most inopportune moment to reach out and touch me. Again, the paper scooted him along and I managed to get him out of my car and watched as he ambled away from me.
I think maybe I ran him over as I left. Meh, oh well.
My normal morning routine went woefully wrong and has most likely earned me another 6 months on the couch along with a permanent seat at the local chapter of Phobias-R-Us.
So there I am, around 8am driving to work. For some reason I decided to glance in the rear view mirror, not to look at the rear view, but to look at me. Yeah, I don't know why, but that's what I did. I happened to see that my hair looked really strange on top like it was sort of sticking up in a little dome shape. At first I just figured it was because my windows were down and my locks were at the mercy of the wind. This is the point where it should occur to you that if that were the case, there would be no blog post...
Going about 50 miles an hour, heading toward a rather large lake, with the morning sun in your eyes is not, I repeat not the time to discover that there is an extremely large spider perched atop your head! In light of my particular loathing of the little multi-legged beasts, I took account of the situation in an amount of time that can only be accurately measured in nanoseconds. While driving, I managed to tilt my head and fling the bugger off as I'm being careful to not smoosh him (gross), injure him (I'd feel bad...) or anger him (lest he come directly for my jugular). There was also no way I was taking my eyes off of him so I took a piece of paper, looked in the mirror, flung him on the floor and gave a sigh of relief because I was still aware of his location. He had the audacity to walk up the passenger door, across the dash and sit right there in front of me. The little bastard was staring me down! Well, either that or mooning me... all sides look alike. So, we get to a stop sign, and I take my trusty piece of paper and try to scoot him out the window. His plans are not in direct agreement with my plans and he bungee jumps off the driver side door on the inside; right at my feet. Panic ensues... I've lost sight of the crafty little thing. I had no choice but to move from the stop sign and drive. For the next 4-5 miles I was sure he was planning his attack from an invisible bunker, eyeing up the open pantleg to my scrubs as if it were the portal to all that is holy to a spider. That was an unsettling 4-5 miles, let me tell you.
So I stop to pick up my morning iced Frappuccino and praise the Frap gods that I made it alive, sans unprovoked (hey, he started it!) arachnid attack. I looked on the floor, the seats, the doors, the roof - no sign of him. Whew. Upon my return, I did another inspection and he appeared to be gone, which in spider-speak means 'hiding'. I figured I could make the next 4 miles to work without incident so I slid into the car once again but stopped - one leg poised half in and half out. Now there was no doubt that this had become personal. There he perched right on my panel, somewhere between Full and Empty on my gas gauge, waiting for the most inopportune moment to reach out and touch me. Again, the paper scooted him along and I managed to get him out of my car and watched as he ambled away from me.
I think maybe I ran him over as I left. Meh, oh well.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Creepiness
Have you ever had one of those times in your life when something just slinks into your mind, takes up residence amongst your thought processes and refuses to leave? I keep thinking of death. Well, mainly my death. I also am getting thoughts of a couple people who are very close to me and it is really getting unsettling. Supposedly it's normal to think about it as it is a way of facing the inevitable. Well, pardon me for pissing on anyones shoes here, but I'd rather just be surprised, thank you very much! I mean, it's not like 'death' has a complaint department. "Um, yes... I'd like to have a word with someone regarding my chosen method of death. All of the thoughts I had prior to my death definitely did not involve a flower pot nor a trapeze artist..." The more I try to 'not' think about it, the more I have just succeeded in making myself think about it. (Geez, no wonder this Reaper dude is so damned Grim.) I'm supposing it'll all just work it's way out and eventually I'll become distracted and forget all about it. Until that time, I have to admit, it is somewhat creepy and I find that I'm looking at everything, every person, every situation as a possible source for my demise. Wow, I'm paranoid and I'm not even hittin' the (illegal) drugs...great. Eesh...
So anyway, now that my neurotic episode is out of the way, all present and accounted for...
So anyway, now that my neurotic episode is out of the way, all present and accounted for...
Yes, this is a crappy shot, but I'm sure you'll adjust. This is an unmounted original oil rub painting I did that would be placed into a mock ad. It is approximately 18" x 24" in size.
This is the finished ad. Completely different style from the first illustration I posted, but I enjoyed doing it. Pencil drawing, covered in layers of a fixing agent, then painted over in oils. No. I can't ever do anything the easy way...lol.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Ok... here goes nothing...
I'm really kind of nervous about this, but here... have a look in my head...
A long time ago in college, I was an art major... this is a result of that time in my life. This is a picture of the original. It took quite a bit of deciding as to whether I truly wanted to post any of my work but I kind of got a case of what I'm terming 'contact inspiration' from Forgotten Machine. FM has been posting some amazing samples of his work and I started thinking that maybe I should take the same chance. If you haven't been over to see them, please take a moment to look.
So that's it for now... just an experiment of sorts for me. Enjoy.
A long time ago in college, I was an art major... this is a result of that time in my life. This is a picture of the original. It took quite a bit of deciding as to whether I truly wanted to post any of my work but I kind of got a case of what I'm terming 'contact inspiration' from Forgotten Machine. FM has been posting some amazing samples of his work and I started thinking that maybe I should take the same chance. If you haven't been over to see them, please take a moment to look.
So that's it for now... just an experiment of sorts for me. Enjoy.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Can you DO that in a stall?
Just as I was about to start this post, I noticed a stealthy predator lurking about... aka: Benny.
He was apparently trying to rid the world of dangerous vermin for lo... look what I found in his mouth. I'm sure we'll all sleep more soundly tonight...
He was apparently trying to rid the world of dangerous vermin for lo... look what I found in his mouth. I'm sure we'll all sleep more soundly tonight...
GAH! Anyway, the little bird appears to be fine. He was perching and getting ready for flight, so I do hope he makes it. Oh, and you can notice my savage tan here as well...
It appears that I now like a new pop song. Not sure how I feel about the 'pop' part of it but this guy Josh Kelley has a bit of soul in there somewhere. And the picture in the link makes me think he might be a distant cousin of Trent Reznor; perhaps it is the pose. Hard to say. Either way, I like this song. I have a thing for voices and his sounds like a combination of syrup, smoke, and sawdust (yes, you heard me). I could attempt qualification of that statement but I won't. I just sense things a little differently at times, that's all. He mixes a touch of jazz, soul and (ugh) pop... and even a bit of corny 80s sounds on this track. Maybe it's because he's a sultry southerner that lends a hazy quality to his voice? Whatever he is doing in the beginning of the song... completely works for me.
Alright, so this is the point in the post where yours truly divulges something truly dumb. This is the sort of thing that you do when you are by yourself and think "Thank gawwwd no one was around to witness that!", then (as I'm doing now) you run and tell someone because it's just too stupid to keep to yourself. Ok, so I'm at work today and after drinking 2 large glasses of water, a large Frap and 1/2 a bottle of peach iced tea, I found myself doing the 'pee dance'. Considering that we weren't too busy I decided to treat myself to actually micturating (look it up) in a timely manner as opposed to the 1 hour delay I usually follow through with. Anyway, I'm sitting there, uh, basically minding my own business when I notice that my damn underwear are on inside out. How can this be? Did I not pass "Dress me 101?!" So there I sit, entertaining the thought of going through all necessary steps to right said wrong (in a stall, no less) versus leaving them in their present state of disarray. Grudgingly, I began the arduous process of making things right. Perhaps it was the fact that we can only afford one 1/2 burned out flourescent bulb for the entire restroom and I couldn't see. Perhaps it was the fact that I had to get up way before the sun (I think it was before the sun... didn't actually open my eyes until I was at work for an hour). Or maybe that I simply am an ass at times. I was about ready to strip and risk clothing (and parts of me) touching less than desirable places in that stall... and then, by some miracle, I realized that I had in fact dressed appropriately. If I'd have gone through the entire ordeal only to realize that I'd had them on properly to begin with... I would have been slightly salty. I need a personal valet; someone who can inspect me before I leave the house. Think they have those on ebay?
Aren't you happy you know all this pointless stuff about me now? On a different note, as I learn how to work my camera I will put up occasional pictures. I have a few in mind that I want to post, I just don't know if I have the courage to do it or not. And no, it's not 'that' kind of pic.... sheesh! I am LiVEwiRe.... wholesome and pure... heh... Anyway, I'm going to figure out this camera hopefully over the weekend, for the basics anyway. Should be a fun little adventure.
Friday, July 01, 2005
So there is a connection, I promise...
First, I would like to announce the happy arrival of one lovely digital camera into LivEWiRe's life. The ramifications of this occurance may be far reaching... BE WARNED!
I'm going to go play with my new toy but I want to leave you with this. I've seen this commercial twice today and it still cracks me up. I wanted to be all creative and put a still from the commercial here (as the link) but I'm not feeling that ambitious.
I'm going to go play with my new toy but I want to leave you with this. I've seen this commercial twice today and it still cracks me up. I wanted to be all creative and put a still from the commercial here (as the link) but I'm not feeling that ambitious.
Please visit this site and watch the commercial, it is hilarious! While you're there, theres a ton of other stuff on this guy's site...
The connection, by the way, is lifting and separating (watch the commercial!)...
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