Pass the gin*

So. Perhaps you're wondering why I've asked you all to gather here today. To be honest, I'm asking myself the same thing. Without knowing when or how it happened, I've turned into one of those people that really just bitch about all the shitty things going on in their life. My apologies. Funny thing is, if I told you the 'good' things, it would be even more of a snoozer. The list might read something like this: Didn't get run over by a car today. Ate food. Took a shower without drowning. Picked up my mail - no bills, yay. Put flea prevention medication on my cat. Only sustained 2nd degree burns from the interior of my car, not 3rd. See what I mean? I mean, those are all grand things, don't get me wrong, but when everything else is less than stellar, it's kind of sad when those are the highlights of your days.

Last weekend I was supposed to go home. Due to excessive rain, the entire area is flooded and now a state of emergency; FEMA has intervened. My aunt had to be rescued from her house. They are safe albeit soggy and unsure. So I stayed home; there was nowhere for me to go. And of course I felt more separated and helpless. Not that there was much I could have done if I actually would have been there. I have not yet been able to add 'making flood waters recede' on my resume thus far.

So, maybe this weekend. Do I want to? Yes. Let me ask again. Ahem. Do I want to? No. Part of it is just that it's always a bittersweet thing as anyone who has moved away from family/friends knows. Especially when you are by yourself. Makes sense, right? Well, this might also be the weekend we put Benny to sleep. It's been going that way for a long time and it just can't keep dragging out. The day before I'd leave, I'm scheduled to have the second root canal finished, which may add some pain in the mix. And don't forget the magic of combining hellish temperatures and extreme humidity with PMS. I should be happy to go. And I am. Sort of.

See, pretty much everything is fucked up here. Yes, shocking, I know. Months ago, I made the decision to quit my job here and go back to Ohio, remember that? I was sure it was the best choice. Then things changed. I set my mind on staying here, making the best of it, using the opportunity and possibly going back to school. Things went well for a few weeks, then it all just went nuts. Every door I try to open/close is wedged in some stuck position that lets me see the possibilities but, well, there's obviously something in my way. My apartment search has been draining and less than fruitful. Well, I did find one I really liked. Then learned it was a funeral parlor in years past. Uh, no thanks. My job is taking a turn back into 'sucky' territory. I will not bore you with the details of those things, but it's really interesting how there can be so many obstacles.

In the mean time, I'm still living in two places. Most of my mail goes to Ohio then has to be sent to me. I have an Ohio drivers license, which, if I'm caught with it, I'm in trouble. I have no bank here in Pittsburgh - yep, still in Ohio. I didn't change things immediately so that I could see how things would work here. Fairly sensible, I thought. Now somehow, it's like I'm in this cycle between one place and another in so many ways. One thing plays on the next, so there isn't a way to just pick one thing and start there. Not yet, anyway.

Do I want to go up for the weekend? Yeah, I do. But I have to say, it makes me a bit edgy. Ok, edgier. Thing is, after the weekend is over, I still have this weird situation to face. In two weeks, I'll have been here eight months. Eight. Oh, and how far I've come. Not. You know, it's similar to a suspended animation sort of thing. Don't misunderstand, I'm not having a pity party. I'm actually trying to decipher everything that is going on and make some sense of it. That's what all this crappy, ultra self-centered posting is about. It's the best I can do.

But in doing that, I've been consumed by it. I've forgotten how to write anything that might be remotely interesting or witty. For that, I'm sorry. For you. For me. Maybe another day, just not today.

* I don't even drink gin. Go figure.