Before I address the post title, I want to tell you all something that I've done. I thought it was utterly selfless and pure. In the end I came to the conclusion that it wasn't. To make a long story short, I did an assload (yes it's a word - look it up) of charitable giving this year. I did my usual check writing then I kept going. I went to several stores and purchased clothing and sundries for Homesafe which is a shelter for women and children. Then I gave to two+ animal shelters/organizations. Every item I gave was picked by my very own little hands. After that, a co-worker/friend's husband just lost his job. She was upset that she'd have to support them and their three children on her wage. She told them there would be no Christmas gifts this year. Yeah. So off I go to secretly buy gifts for all five of them and their three dogs. I put the giant gift wrapped package in her car but never told her what I'd done only requesting that she open it when the family was all together. I have yet to see if she was ok with it or was offended and wants to kill me. After spending quite a bit of money, do you know what I learned? I like doing this. Spending money I thought I didn't have and personally picking the items out (remember, I hate shopping) gave me some sort of connection. They are me, they are you. This year, with my mother's cancer, something happened in my head. Often, I can't connect either because I just can't or I don't want to. This makes me feel personally connected without actually being there. Someone knows that another person cared enough to buy them clothing, to get nightshirts for their kids, quality food for the animals and fluffy towels to curl up on. They don't need to know who, they just need to know that someone cares. I like knowing that I helped give them that feeling. I guess it's the feeling of being wanted. I learned so much this season.
Oh, and I'm in a nationally published magazine. Not by name, but with another person demonstrating use of some tech equipment. Huh. Kinda cool I guess.
Now, now, I'm sure you're wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I mean, this is simply not the place to come for a regular dose of feel-good posts, right? Ok. So here goes. I go in for some exploratory surgery in January. Basically, today is day # 18 of my period and it looks as if I'll easily make it to day #19 and from there, who knows? Pain. Nausea. And after 18 days, bright red blood. And nausea. Again. Blech. So I get the old D & C (Dusting & Cleaning...), an internal scope up ye olde hoo-hah and then a scope pushed into my abdomen so they can take a look-see and determine if a band of miniature gypsies have taken up residence in my ovaries. Thankfully I'll be out. Hell, I'll even bring my own tourniquet to do the anesthesia induction; and don't be chintzy with the Versed, damn it! What a way to get a week off work. Odd that someone can bleed for 18 days and live. And no, I'm not pregnant. Any jokes about it and I'll show you the level of PMS involved here. I feel like I've had the shit kicked out of me; talk about being totally whooped! I'm sure you can figure that every now and then I panic because of my mom just having cancer. Even so, I'm pretty sure it's not that severe. Most likely a cranky ovary or something relatively benign. Which I truly believe, but it's always somewhere way in the back of my murky little head.
And there you have it. This is the first day I've even felt up to posting. I wouldn't have been surprised if I came back to crickets and dust bunnies. Thanks you all for stopping by, that really means alot. Little by little, I'm getting to your blogs. I feel so lost because I've missed so much but I'll catch up.
So the moral of this post is that if you do nice things for others, you'll eventually bleed to death. Or something like that.
!!! If you really looked up 'assload', I'm going to find a way to smack you. ;)
