No asking necessary

Seeing that tomorrow is my last day at work, two of the guys I work with took me out for drinks, dinner, and a hell of alot of silliness...

Just thought I'd share some of the bounty visually...

It's Happy Bunny slippers! That phrase is sooo me. But no one ever needs to actually ask...sheesh.

And also... Abita Purple Haze raspberry wheat beer... exellent stuff. Real raspberry (seeds, too), not artificial flavor.

Oh boy, I was going to add a bit more but I just got a call that my aunt passed away. Just today I was thinking that I managed to get through a holiday without someone dying. Wow, that sounds so selfish. Thanksgiving was a couple of days ago, so I'm not sure if it really counts. My family likes to wait for holidays to die. As sad as it is to know that she's gone, she was in end stage renal failure and her body just couldn't do it anymore. She's back with her husband that she lost so many years ago and for that, I cannot be sad. She will be missed and I am sad for my own loss but that is no reason to forget to celebrate her life.

One day... one day I'll write a post that might actually be good again. Maybe even positive or witty, or laced with my usual sarcasm. Right now it's looking a bit questionable, but you never know.

So, while I'm attending calling hours and going to the funeral, I can search for a place to live along the way. I really am going to be living in my car, aren't I?

Laughing vs crying...

Or bitter violence... not sure which yet.

Ok... think back to the last post. Well, The Hotel Camry now has an incredible new safety feature... it is now almost impossible for evildoers (or anyone else, for that matter) to get inside!

Yes folks, in my hand... the handle to the front, driver's side door. Please note the oddity... in my hand. It should immediately strike you, as a reader, that it is wrong. The handle should be firmly attached to my car! It snapped off nice as you please when I tried to open my partially frozen car door this morning. Oy. I don't even know what to say anymore. I do, however, know that I'd find it much funnier if it would be happening to someone else.

While in the mode of 'funny in a sick sort of way'... Benny bit me again. Apparently his amytriptylline is not quite working yet. This time, he got his back claws in on the action. Barely, but enough. The result?...

Isn't this just spectacular? The color, form, organic sense of movement? Furry little bastard. For some reason my body reacted with some serious hypersensitivity over the past few days to what was barely an abrasion. Now I look as if I tried to 'off' myself with a kitchen whisk. Or perhaps a manual egg beater. Great way to start a new job, don't you think? I'm certain anyone that sees it will be curious. Due to the nature of my skin and being rather fair, I'll more than likely have these scars on my wrist for an average of nine or ten months. Again, laugh? Cry?

Just thought you may enjoy the door handle story and find my new scarification somewhat interesting in a bit of a dark kind of way.

Due to this fabulous gift of a winter storm from Canada (remind me to thank them, will ya'?) my internet has been down all day and I've had no chance to look for an abode. Off to check a few things then get everything ready for work, no telling how early this weather will have me leaving.

My wish for you... sturdy car handles, non-questionable wrist scarring and a suitable abode.

Possible new digs

So, I went back to Pittsburgh today to see five rental properties. Here's the rundown:

Phone tag.
From three hours away.
Via cell phone on snowy, traffic-laden roads (Thanksgiving tomorrow).
Half way there I learn the agent must leave to take her germy child to the doctor.
She has no idea when she will be back and there is a huge winter storm heading in.
I get half-assed directions to her office, which she will not be at, so I can pick up maps and addresses she is preparing for me so I can look at the properties from the outside while I wait for her.
An hour and a half later, I find myself circling her office twice - no envelope, no paperwork.
Calling her, I learn she has it with her {enter spacey laugh here}.
Managing to get more half-assed directions over the phone, I drive past three of the locations.
When we finally actually meet, I learn that it is almost inconceivable that this person has managed to get dressed this morning, find her way anywhere, keep a job, and scarier yet... raise children. She made up almost every answer to every question I had. Vague was apparently the way to go. Loved one of the apartments but it needed some work and I didn't trust her answers and 'promises' to have it ready for me.
And I braved a snowstorm for this?

I hate relying on people. Absolutely hate it. So... here's my current plan...

Not sure if I should go with Hotel Camry or Chez Camri... suggestions? As I see it, here are the good points:
Available in any neighborhood, depending on the day.
Cats welcome.
Adjustable heating/air conditioning.
Windows all around.
Four separate entrances/exits. Five if you count the hidden trunk route.
Out of the way yet easily accessible storage (trunk).
Er, surround sound.
Sleeps two in flip down seats in soft, cozy comfort.
Additional, smaller room in back.
Cooking ammenities - wrap food in foil; place on engine to warm. Fill glove compartment with ice for cooling.

Whatd'ya think? Because I'm about to fucking panic here.
!

Off of the strip

And I come and I go and I turn and she's gone. A moment ago she was no more than a thought but one with shape and form. And voice; that voice was her core. No one ever knew her to be real. A myth, a fable, a tale told down the line.

Her eyes held the gaze of countless strangers seeing through her, into her. Her ears heard stories never meant to be overheard; tales taken to secret places. Soft lips formed words to console, befriend, love and defend. Shrinking from touch afforded the opportunity to remain forever on the fringe...

For as real as she was she was nothing at all, yet everything you wanted her to be, wrapped in every dream she ever had. Unless, after all, she had become just another of those dreams; a thread of mist in the fabric.

And I come and I go and I turn and she's gone. I'm afraid I may never know.

Peeing in a cup

That is what I am off to do on Friday. No, not for fun... it's the drug screen for my work physical. Damn them. A teeny cup. Females need something bigger. Like a bowl...

Anyway, I'm off to Pittsburgh for a couple of days so I can do this (it takes me a while to aim properly) and search neighborhoods for possible dwellings. Although I like my car, I'd rather not make it my permanent residence. It does have a certain ring to it... The Hotel Camry. Nah, I have a gas leak...

Too scattered to write anything that makes sense and no time to visit and comment on blogs. I feel so left out. Play nice or, well, forget it... that's just not going to happen, is it?

Here's a little link to the neighborhood where my new hospital is...

See you soon.

Wise Words

Last year on my lone trek to Canada, I found a great little card in Sarnia and had to buy it because it seemed so profound. I actually put in my bedroom where I see it daily and it always gives me something to think about.

Discover what you are.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Not who, but what. It is truly something to ponder. Simple, but it can open so many doors.

Chance Blamed Fate

So, the time has come and gone. My decision has been made. I've taken everything into consideration and come up with what seems to be the most suitable solution for me.

I've accepted the position in Pittsburgh and will be starting my new job in one month's time.

Now begins the process of planning (quickly), rerouting my life, saying some goodbyes, feeling guilt and pooling resources to begin again. I'm still kind of in shock but I get that way with making big decisions such as this. Any other time I can pick something on the spur of the moment and be fine with it, this one was just a little more difficult.

Thank you all for the input; I really, truly appreciated every view, every word.

I think I'm going to go throw up now....

Oh yeah, something I've been meaning to mention since last week... I'm not a big TV watcher, so it ended up that someone recommended I watch a show called Ghost Whisperer. Now, you wanna check it out, go right ahead, there's the link - I'm not here to be your TV Guide. The point is this...

Yes, it's David Conrad; one of the main characters in the show. Check out that link and it shows you a more current picture. If you want to know what he's been in, look it up, you might be surprised. He was also recently on my beloved House. So, the reason that I'm babbling on about him is the following... he's from Pittsburgh and I used to work with him. The day I interviewed last week I found out about his new show. Just made me think about the way things go. I worked props and then stage managed at one of the theaters he kind of started at in Pittsburgh. That's all, nothing else. Just makes me feel like I'm in Remedial Life 101.... Then again I can always remind myself that I've seen him naked (repeatedly) due to a part in one of the plays. So there... nah na nah, nah na nah! =)

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life...

I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
(Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve)

So. I think I recall something about saying I'd update you when I got a call back from the director at UPMC. Well, the call has been completed...

Just as I suspected, it's very tempting. I asked for some time, until Friday, to make my decision. I'm thinking I'll be taking every moment until 4:59pm that day to make the call. To be honest, it's not so much the job, that's fine. She even mentioned that I might want to consider an upcoming Lead Tech position, which makes me think that I must've made a good first impression. One hard part is reacclimating to a city, but most of that shouldn't be too hard, really. The part that absolutely kills me is that I would feel like I am leaving my Gram high and dry. And alone. That, I think, is the most difficult part. So I have 2.5 days to come to some sort of conclusion.

I'm one of those people that believes that if you screw up decisions in your life, they will come back to haunt you. Well, not haunt you, but you will find yourself in similar situations again and again until you make the 'right' decision. Gee, no pressure there...lol.

This makes me feel good; I like having options. To think that I might be embarking upon a new chapter is rather exciting. At this time, I'm inclined to accept, but shock won't let me fully come to terms with that.

Whew... time for a brain cell tango! =)

So? I'm a feisty redhead...

with my heart in one hand and an attitude in the other...what of it?!

This may be a little disjointed (ok, suppose you've grown to expect that, haven't you?) but just go with it. I'll try to make my topics brief (that's a good one).

Today, I have run all over the damned place regarding moods. Ooh, yet another surprise. Ahem. I was having some rather pleasant thoughts while still in bed, trying to get a little more time to myself. Get your mind out of the gutter, they weren't that pleasant! I was tired when I got to work and sort of quiet, so everyone wanted to know what was wrong. I just explained that I needed to wake up a little more before I sedated myself again. We all got a pretty good laugh, except I was serious. Klonopin relaxes me enough to let me breathe sans chest pain; stress is such a bitch, isn't it?

So anyway, I was sort of waiting for some info and checked my email (which is a big no-no at work) and was met by two of the smuttiest emails I've ever seen. I've known this guy for about six years and we're both sort of flirtatious but it's all fit for most peoples' ears. We recently exchanged email addresses and this has been a rapid, smutty, downward spiral. And it's not even the good kind of smut - just boring stuff like "I want to ____ your ____" and that's it. Christ, at least be imaginative. That isn't exactly what he said but I'm just saying it was along those lines. Look, I'll be honest, I have a flirtatious streak a mile long. I have lightheartedly been called a wily vixen, and that's when I'm just being me, not when I have an agenda (then I fail miserably, go figure). Contrary to all my sniveling blog moments, I have confidence to spare and am comfortable being flirtatious. I can play the shock value card quite well and tend to walk away with a wink at just the right time while leaving people to sit with their jaws dropped in missing chromosome fashion. Meh, people learn that it's just me. I don't want anything, I'm not stringing anyone along, we just have fun. And that's just one side of me, and it's all fun-loving. Well... back to Smut Boy. This is not cool with me and I have no idea why he started it. After being friends for six years, this is going to be a tough one to remedy. We went out as friends maybe twice - nothing more than a hug. As it should be considering he's married. Sometimes I just have to laugh at my life... really. I mean, for a person who is ready to consider a real relationship again, I keep attracting all these awful scenarios! And just for the record... I was never like that with him. Wait... maybe all those times I told him to "bite my ass" finally got to him, yeah? Lol... oh boy, I'm a sicko magnet. I laugh only because he poses no threat, it's just an awkward annoyance. Trust me, I can easily slip into a dom role and insist he stop... =)

Needless to say I was really shocked by that and got even quieter at work. All I really wanted to do was scream and cry and have someone tell me why people toss shit like this at you! Gah! I mean, can he NOT tell that I am not responding to his emails in kind? The awkwardness of this situation just got me down for a bit. But that passed.

Moving on, found the gas leak in my car! WooHoo! I've got the feeling that I won't be 'WooHooing' when I get the estimates in a day or so. At least I know where the problem is and that I shouldn't blow up. Shouldn't. That's comforting. So why do I feel compelled to chain smoke on the way to work? Death wish? Stupidity? Pissing on the shoes of the gods?...

And [drumroll please]... I got a job offer from UPMC South Side! Now, don't go getting all excited... they left a message on my cell Friday afternoon and I was only able to leave a message in return telling them that I'd be interested in discussing an offer. This will most likely be late Monday. I have no idea what the money will be like and I have to get answers to some stray questions, but the point is... they want me, too. Damn. Please don't mistake this as an 'I'm so great, of course they want me, but I'm going to act like it shocks me to get 'atta girls' from you' sort of thing. Opposite... I really have been struggling for years in the career department and it's honestly surprising that they want me, too. Sometimes when you struggle so hard and get pushed back down, you lose sight of your capabilities. I think that's what has happened here and I'm betting that you've all felt that at one time or another, too. So, we'll see what happens.

And even if there is an acceptable offer, then comes the hard part... can I really take that step? I have so much to consider. One thing that I did think of before is that I would be totally alone, which would be a switch. It's not so much the being alone part, it's the leaving others behind part. But you know what I thought of?! Haha... you'll still be with me! I won't be alone after all! =)

I think I failed at the 'brief part... oops...

Twice in a week!

So I do suppose it's fair... a few days ago I tagged and it has come back to bite me in the ass. Yep, I got tagged right back... by Kitty! I happen to be in a bit of a saucy mood today so I figured this would be a good time to do this! And besides, aren't you all just so thrilled to learn more about moi after my 'quirkfest' the other day?

TWOS:

two names you go by (other than your real name):
1 Just my first initial (which I'm not telling you)
2 Either ass or jackass... it's a tossup

two parts of your heritage:
1 Slovak
2 Russian/Ukrainian (depends on where the boundaries were)

two things that scare you:
1 Stupid, stupid people
2 The gas leak in my car

two of your everyday essentials:
1 Lithium
2 Black specs

two things you are wearing right now:
1 black shoes - leather
2 black bra - unfortunately not leather

two of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):
1 Matthew Good
2 Acroma

two of your favorite songs (at the moment):
1 Remedy (Seether)
2 Collide (Howie Day)
3* Feel Good, Inc. (Gorillaz)

two things you want in a relationship (other than real love):
1 Humor/Laughter
2 Honesty/Communication

two truths:
1 'This too shall pass'
2 If weirdness can come out of something, it'll come to me

two physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex):
1 Voice - in a big, big way...
2 Hands - makes my mind think ahead...
3* Eyes/Smile - they can prove or disprove the words being spoken

two of your favorite hobbies:
1 Reading
2 Crossword/brainteaser puzzles that make me think

two things you want really badly:
1 I won't say.... =)
2 A happier soul

two places you want to go on vacation:
1 South Africa (wanted that for many years)
2 Switzerland (again.... to see the Lion of Lucerne...again)

two things you want to do before you die:
1 Believe that I deserve good things, like love, then obtain it
2 Invent/write/create something that would be inspirational to others

two ways that you are stereotypically a chick/guy:
1 I can't change a tire
2 I've watched chick-flicks and cried

two things you are thinking about now:
1 Sex (not kidding)
2 More sex (I'm serious)

two stores you shop at:
1 I hate shopping
2 Whatever has the necessities

* In typical 'me' fashion, I can't follow directions completely and added an extra item in two places. Interestingly, I feel that it does follow the rules of twos, though...

So there I am... I was going to post something that I thought of earlier today but as things turned out, my crappy memory had me forget what it was. Then Kitty came along and told me I was 'it'... As per usual, tag yourselves...

Great Googly Mooglies!!

I am exhausted and may not be making much sense, but here's the scoop...

Ok, so on Thursday I had the interview at Allegheny General, Friday they had problems with contacting two references and I cleared that up. On Monday they called and offered me the job! =) Well, don't get too excited - I turned it down. I was more than gracious but the money they offered simply did not support a state-to-state move.

Moving along... today I went back to the other side of town to interview with their competition, UPMC. They called to set the interview up on Friday and I thought, sure, why the hell not. This was the place that I first applied to and is part of Pitt.

So it went well. That's really all I can say. I refuse to get my hopes up for something that may not get me where I need to go. I'm kind of sad over not being with the leeches and all, but you know, I'm sure they are freeloaders and would not be contributing to my rent, utilities, you know, all the things one needs a paycheck for. It's unfortunate that it all comes down to that. Maybe they'll write...

No matter what, I'm happy to have had both interviews and it was great to know that someone did, in fact, want me. It's not that I didn't want them back, it just didn't match in one important area. I'm greedy by no means but I have become accustomed to living in a stable dwelling and would prefer that it not be my car.

I'm going to go now and just ride that high for a bit, temporary though it may be...