This will most likely make no sense to you, but I need to recap the days events for myself, albeit vaguely.
I ended up hanging out for hours today with someone that I don't know all that well, but he really intrigues me. Interestingly, there was a bonus guest... his 17 month old son. Being an only child, I know nothing of kids; yet, like dogs, they gravitate toward me. This child spent more time with/on me than anywhere else. Weird.
Anyway. Regarding this guy. It was just all fun and relaxed, BSing about anything and everything but somehow there were comments that started to cross the line. Not in a bad way, but you know the line I mean. He found 'reasons' to get closer a few times and things ended with an 'almost kiss'. You know, when it's not a full on kiss, but more than a kiss on the cheek. Again, weird.
Isn't it odd how you may have thoughts of something or someone (which I had), but when it gets right down to it, you question them (in your mind) when you've been given no real reason to? Is it part of some deep seated self protection mechanism that we all have? How do we know when to protect or when to just go with it? And why do people make things so complicated? Ok, here I am definitely referring to me.
I mean, it's truly no big deal, I guess I'm just wondering why the mind works like it does. Perhaps that's why I'm so interested in Behavioral Medicine and Psychology... we all live in the perfect classroom everyday and we still don't have the answers, do we?
9 comments:
You are so right--we don't have all the answers, and I think we have guard dogs round our hearts (and bodies) keeping us alert and questioning.
Somehow I'm not surprised the little boy took to you, though (and that kids do--I always take it as a great compliment. Young ones and dogs and animals and birds tend to see past all the pretense we can put on. If they like you, or trust you, I figure something good must be at the heart. Of course, we know that's true about you!)
Loved the photos. Beautiful roses.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
And I may be a fine one to talk, but you wouldn't want any regrets, now, would you.
I certainly have no answers. And it seems with each passing day, I see more and more of just how effed up I am.
Being wary of people is a habit, and a hard one to break. You do seem to have a really serious defense mechanism built-in. No doubt you have good reason for it to be there. I suppose the question for you is did you get wary because of who you were with, or because you were in a position that simply triggered your 'fear' out of habit? Uh, I think I just said pretty much the same thing you said in your post. So... how about you ask yourself instead, "What's the worst that can happen if I do go with this?" If you don't like the answer, and assuming it is a rational one ;), then it might be easier to answer the other question.
Jarvenpa - I actually like not having all the answers (that way I can make them up ;)), but sometimes I wish I could 'call off the hounds', so to speak. I suppose it is a compliment about the little boy. Kids are so pure at heart and go for what feels right to them. I'm glad you liked the pics, especially the roses!
Anne - Yeah, they do say that, don't they? Me? Regrets? Hahahahaha... oh, ahem. Most of my regrets are because of choices I 'didn't' make. Oh wait, that's your point, isn't it?...
AbNorMal - I know just what you mean, but... and this is the good part... it does mean that you get to edit your own script. Still, a clue along the way would be fantastic, wouldn't it?
Terri - You are so very right about my defense mechanisms. Even when I'm all silly and jovial, they are there. Like you said, so much of it is habit and that's a damn hard one to defuse. He didn't do anything to make me suspicious; other than have a pulse and a penis. Oh no - it's the double P whammy! lol. It's just my past wreaking havoc with my present, that's all.
Heidi - Hey doll! I've got a bit of catching up to do your way as well... I've been bombing at time management lately! =) Yeah, for some reason, kids just cozy right up to me. Maybe it's the human version of when someone is allergic to cats, the cat will make a beeline for that person and not leave them alone! I do like your analysis of the situation and your last thought about 'the moment'... WOW - that is some sage advice hon! Thank you.
Well sometimes the pace catches us. We have plans but when some predicted steps go too fast it catches us by surprise. It happens for all of us!
The magic 8-ball says, "go with the flow".
Sadly, I am ALWAYS clueless.
DrO2 - Don't ya just hate it when things don't go at the pace you plan for? All that turning things over in your head and it just won't cooperate! =)
Kyknoord - Thankfully, I have the wisdom of a magic 8-ball at my disposal; finally!
Stacy - Often, 'clueless' is the better way to be. It can take an awful lot of pressure off.
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