There are seven and there are nine!

So yes, it's things like that which bug the hell out of me. Everything is in sevens, yet there are nine categories. I've lost sleep over less.

Anyway, I was hopping about blogland and found this in Luke's possession. Neither of us will tag people but I freely stole this from her. Please consider this an invitation to do the same.

>If you are having a problem viewing this, try Terri's suggestion (thanks Terri!) in the comments or you can try opening it in IE if you are using a different browser. I was talking with someone earlier who couldn't see it using Firefox but had no problems with Explorer. Sorry about the techincal difficulties.<

Seven...

things that scare me

1 Ventriloquist dummies - cannot even look at them

2 Most dolls (but not the Barbie kind, the kind with the fluttery eyelids - you know, the ones capable of turning their head to stare at you sans assistance...)

3 Spiders - especially ones that touch me (or look at me, or are remotely near me, or...well, any of them really...)

4 Finally succeeding in pushing everyone away

5 Driving through water - even a few inches; if it covers the entire surface of the road I'm a mess; I've had people talk me out of a related panic attack

6 Having my actions hurt those I care for the most/Failing someone who needs me

7 Clowns - henchmen of the devil I tell you

things that I like most (not in order of importance)
1 The ability to read, not just the books themselves
2 Music (well, except really annoying shit)
3 My freedom (in just about everything I do)
4 My cats - yes, even monstrous Benny
5 Learning
6 Creativity
7 Traveling the world from this very chair via blogland and the www
~ This one was tough, I really had to think because I've been in such a strange frame of mind (oh, these last 4 years or so ...) that I simply like nothing. Well, I do, but briefly.

important things in my room
1 Photos of memories/people/places that shall never be again
2 Cds
3 Alarm clock - without which, I would sleep away the dreary mind time and ignore the world
4 Well, clothes and socks and bras and such (This is not a fashion minded statement but a 'let's avoid public nudity' statement)
5 Perhaps my good cat (Isabella) - have no idea where she is now
~ I just don't know, not much there I suppose. I'll add two elsewhere so it evens out. =)

random facts about me

1 I am an only child

2 My real name (first and last) sounds like it would belong to a stripper

3 I want another tattoo but feel guilty because then I can't donate blood for a year

4 Patience is something I seriously lack

5 There's not a whole lot I care about but what I DO care about, I do with a passion

6 Often I act first and think later - I've been known to help complete strangers in ways that could end up causing financial, emotional or bodily harm to myself

7 I have portions of my life entirely blocked out of my brain

~ Add on from above: Variety of previous jobs: Made topographical maps at an arial photography company, background check investigator, veterinary technician (including blood draws, assisting in surgery, and XRays), loan assistant, golf course bartender, gift wrapper, freelance artist, party decorator

things I plan to do before I die
1 Uh, live - preferrably for a while yet
2 If finances cooperate, travel all over the damned place
3 Be able to tell someone I love them, not because I feel I should say it but simply because I do
4 Maybe, possibly, perhaps learn to trust. Kind of. Sorta.
5 Bungee jump (should be fun with the vertigo)
6 Learn how to not be so hard on myself and maybe others (not the stupid ones though, they'll still receive my full wrath)
7 Fly in a Cessna
~ Add on from above: Every fun thing that comes to mind

things I can do
1 Make people laugh

2 Create art

3 Cook some pretty tasty food without recipes, with recipes, I totally suck

4 Go to/watch a hockey game and actually know what's going on; love hockey

5 Speak in public or make a spectacle of my self and not care one damn bit

6 Maintain my finances, no matter how meager

7 Express my feelings (Usually, and if I want to)

things I can't do
1 Stand on one foot/look up outside without holding on - I have vertigo
2 Speak another language (Other than blogger word verification)
3 Tolerate being lied to
4 Swim - unless swimming like a rock counts
5 Type without cheating at some point
6 Keep my mouth shut when I should
7 Balance my checkbook - never have

things I say the most
1 Fuck - (What the fuck? Fuck off. Fucking idiots! This place is a clusterfuck! Fuckers. (Perhaps my favorite one-word sentence.) You get the idea.
2 Shut up (This is a close tie for first place)
3 No
4 Ass (variations - asshole, asshair, assfuck - all directed at a stupid person)
5 I forgot
6 Really? (linked to my forgetfulness that brought on 5)
7 MmHmm - typically mumbled mindlessly to some fool who sadly thinks I'm actually paying attention to them (and agreeing, no less)

~ Wow - I'm really a ray of sunshine, aren't I...

celebrity crushes

1 Johnny Depp (Mainly his roles as Edward Scissorhands, Captain Jack Sparrow, Willy Wonka, oh, and the character from Once Upon a Time in Mexico, but I forget the name... you know, all the ones where he is really, exceptionally odd...)

2 Jeff Corwin (Yes, that Jeff Corwin)

3 Adrian Paul (Originating in the Highlander series)

4 Jerry O'Connell (I like him more on the nerdy side)

5 Robert Smith (The sound of him...)

6 Kevin Spacey (Sexy in an understated kind of way)

7 Michael Ian Black (He makes me laugh!)

~

So there you have it. A little bit more about what makes me tick. Have fun, tag yourselves - I promise it won't make your palms hairy. =)

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Pulls soapbox over to center stage and purposefully stands atop...

I just have to write about this, dumb as it may be... I can't ignore it anymore.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! I have declared it completely and utterly illegal to wear your pants slung so low that I can see the crack of Dawn from a front view. Well, if your name is Dawn... otherwise fill in the blank with your own name.

I know for a fact that my ideas are not as antiquated as those of the Town Crier and the other individuals in the above picture yet I sort of feel that way. I am so sick of seeing both men and women wearing these pants. Low rise is one thing and although not flattering often times, not a problem. Super low rise is awkward. The Super-Duper-Ultra-Minimum-low rise that barely has enough fabric in the front for a puny button to cling on to let alone a zipper longer than the attached tab is going a bit too far. Too far south, actually. I do not care to see that much skin on anyone. I am not interested in seeing your pubic hair or the location where your pubic hair once was. Well, unless I'm dating you... then that's obviously a different story. I've seen women in these pants. I've seen men in these pants. Both very awkward.

When I sense this situation approaching me swathed in it's minimal fabric I tend to want to look away. Unfortunately it's like a magnet... this visual just draws my eyes over. Then I feel like I need to rinse my eyes with bleach. It's just gross. I feel like I've invaded your privacy yet that's exactly what you wanted. Don't get me wrong... everyone has a certain part of them that is a bit of an exhibitionist; I know I do. But that is the thing, most people don't force it on everyone else publicly. Or should I say pubicly? Well, I suppose maybe they do. I think I've been guilty of wearing shirts that uh, accentuate a certain part of my body but that is something that has gone on for years and years. I mean culturally, as a whole - not just me. No one even thinks twice anymore. Honestly, I don't have the body to wear this pants style but that has nothing to do with it because I'm not jealous in any way. Sensing that someone's short curlies are the only thing holding up their pants is a bit unsettling. Is it just me? Am I the only one that feels compelled to glance at this (and not in an admiring way)?

I'm not amish or a total prude. I guarantee that I have done things that would make many of you blush. On the flip side, there are things that many find acceptable that I shy away from. Call it my weird blend of what makes me, well, 'me', but I feel visually accosted when I see this. Optically assaulted if you will. They might as well walk up to me, straddle me and shove it in my face. I hope none of you wear these tacky items but if you do just know that this is directed at you and I will continue to make fun of you at every turn.

And if I see you on the street, I just might give a little tug at your belt loop and watch you scramble to pull them back up from your ankles.

Climbs off of soapbox, carefully tucking it aside for next time...

Is it art...

...or neurotransmitters run amok captured in a pen and ink illustration?

Just to show you that good things can come of a manic phase. Things that at first glance you may never expect. This will be quick but scroll down for an explanation of the art.

Pen and ink illustration. Total completion time: 22 hours over a period of several days. This was a one shot deal, done directly on the board.

Close up view shows that the illustration is comprised entirely of dots (pointilism/stippling). No shading, solids or an actual line on it anywhere. Just pressed board, ink and a Rapidograph pen.

If I hadn't been manic at the time, I never would have created this piece. I'd sit for hours at a time bent over, forgetting to eat, or go to bed or pee. Completing this became my obsession and I had some serious focus to pull this off in the half assed way that I did.

Peculiar how such a calm, organic and flowing image was actually born of mania. It does have it's own potential for beauty.

That being said, I hope it's gone soon! =) Have a great weekend!

Wicked with Whipping Cream

I'm hoping this post will put an end to my griping on this topic - at least for this episode. Go with it.

So I'm trying to keep this manic episode under control. Now that I realize it for what it is, I try to keep myself on a short leash. Granted, it may be a visciously studded leather one, but it fits the mood.


Here's the thing, after all these years you think maybe I'd recognize it sooner. I don't. In my mind I rationalize it by saying I was just busy, or motivated, or stopped being lazy. Riiiight.

Here's a few things I did that I tried to rationalize:

• Painted a drop-border in the living room. But I saw some molding that needed fixed (that I'd never noticed before yet I'm certain this was nothing new) and brought out the caulking. Then decided that I should spackle the top and bottom the entire way around the room because there was enough room to slide a piece of paper in - this really bothered me. No tools needed. At least not in my world. Just my fingers and a jar of spackling compound. Due to my new obsession with the repair, I made it look fantastic. Then I painted the molding and border with three coats of paint.
• Performed some basic car repair and pampering. I bought whatever additives I needed and poured it in every hole possible. Didn't even break a nail.
• Found a spider in my bedroom {shudder} and failed at trying to get it outside. Spent the next hour and a half actually searching for the multi-appendaged bastard because I wanted it gone. This happened at about 12:30am. Eventually I gave up and slept on the couch.
• Rolled just about every coin in this house. Came up with over $35, too. That should tell you how focused I was on that little task. Should have taken way longer but when you seem to be doing shots of jet fuel it's quick, quick, quick!
• Felt the need to purge my linen closet and bathroom of all products that may be expired. This included examining things like hairspray and hand lotion for expiration dates. I didn't even know how I ended up with some of the stuff; that's how long it had been there. But at that moment, it was my new crusade. Must do it. Now. Fast. Complete.
• List have been made to outline and organize my lists. Look folks, I suck at organization and spend most of my life just flying by the seat of my pants. It's just not me to have a list, then four auxiliary lists defining it. Besides, I lose them. Then I spend an hour trying to find them.
• At work I have made all the bins of vials full and even and the labels are facing out (kinda like that movie Sleeping with the Enemy). I have argued with my boss. I don't mean disagree, I mean argue. He yelled, I yelled louder. He said he'd talk to me when I didn't have an attitude or we could have this discussion in Human Resources. I told him I wasn't about to calm down so we'd better be on our way then. We never did go but he hasn't talked to me in two days. Short little fucker. He told me that the point I was addressing was something he didn't want to handle. I told him that was really too bad because it was his job! Yeah, he didn't like that either. I was standing in his office doorway and never bothered to close the door. The rest of the pharmacy heard this exchange but everyone was afraid to bring it up. Usually they can't get in your business fast enough. Just couldn't seem to find my 'now would be a good time to shut up' button. He deserved my wrath but most don't and get it anyway.

So all this is going on, plus the fact that I am sleeping less than usual (which always happens in a phase) and I wake up with severe jaw pain due to clenching/grinding at night. One day I'll get smart and put coal in there; I bet you I wake up with diamonds. So this is going on and whirling around me and I just don't seem to catch on. I swear, I'm the last to know. But now that I know I try to reel myself in. Don't always succeed but I try. And I have to get up in five hours (perhaps I should try sleeping before I try to get up...) to move furniture and have new carpet put in the living room. Then I get to put it all back. Surely I'll be convinced that I have superhuman strength and try to do it in record time. It's no wonder why when I come down and crash, I crash hard. I feel like a puppy that has exhausted itself chasing it's tail. Well, ok, a really mean, nasty, attack puppy. I might appear cute and fuzzy but just don't do anything to set me off. Unfortunately I don't even know what that is until it happens; hence the short leash. Come to think of it, this might be a good look for me.

Interestingly, someone told me today that I am sexy when I'm edgy. Hmmm, maybe they just haven't experienced a full manic phase in person. Or maybe I am sexy when I'm edgy... how should I know; I don't trust me a whole lot right now. =)

You can tell them I'm coming...

...and Hell's coming with me. (Matthew Good)

Ah, yes folks... we are entering another round of BiPolar-Fest 2005. How fucking fabulous. Once again I am left to feel infallible and vulnerable at the same time. Able to turn into demon bitch with words spewing from my mouth that would make Linda Blair (Exorcist) blush a deep crimson and take notes, then feel the crush of what I've done and be brought to tears. This is exhausting in so many ways but worse is the look I see on the faces of others when this strikes, when I lash out at them.

I'm not looking for sympathy or understanding or even a 'fuck off'. I just had to acknowledge this in some sort of way for myself. If I say it or write it, it becomes more real. Something I can no longer just tuck away in a dusty corner of my mind and make excuses for or try to rationalize away.

I've been hating everyone lately - that should have been my first clue that this mixed (yet basically manic) phase was upon me. I try so damned hard to keep it under control, and just when I think I do, it jumps out to bite me in the ass. Hard. Then I come out swingin'.

Ok, that's all about that. I just laid into someone today that didn't deserve it and feel really guilty about it. Yes, I've apologized but the words have been spoken, the actions taken. I heard the tremble in her voice and saw the shine in her eyes. Although my heart literally aches due to my actions, I couldn't keep a grasp on my behavior. I am disgusted with myself.

But... On a silly note, I suppose even demonic bloggers (read: me) have to laugh. This is what gave me a chuckle after my apocolyptic performance had left me drained.
This is the Travelocity Roaming Gnome... he even has his own online store. You can watch one of his silly commercials here. I love him. He also has radio spots that are a hoot. Just like he claims of jellyfish in one of his radio commercials, he is 'perfectly kissable'.

You've got such a pretty smile...

It's a shame the things you hide behind it... [Jude]


The girl sat alone at the table; close enough that her elbows gained stability from the thick glass top yet far enough to keep her legs free from inadvertently kicking the base of it. Head tilted forward, hands clamped over her ears, the tears flowed in hot saline trails, ultimately coming to rest in asymmetrical pools of moist, shimmering light on the surface below. In that moment, there was less fear, more disbelief. Either way she knew this was all her doing. Hers were the only shoulders this surreal burden would come to rest upon.

When the reason for this morphing new reality became clear, she knew she was the only one to blame. Recollection reminded that she was always one to feel alot and often rather intensely. Occasionally that build up required an outlet of sorts and resulted in conversations with others that would, with a little luck, temporarily ease her internal conflict, if even for a moment. But the day eventually came when she simply couldn't do it any longer - this sharing of herself, admitting her deepest, most fragile feelings - this sense of burdening others. A vow was made: no more.

From that moment on she'd kept it all in. Until now.

When she sat down to balance her checkbook, as always, she found her mind wandering. It wasn't painful, really; just a peculiar, slithery sensation that caused her to brush absently at her ear. When the slight movement caught her eye she could not quite make sense of what she was actually seeing. Letters. Everywhere. Piling and tumbling as if the typeset tray from an old printing press had capsized; on the table, her lap, the floor...

Immediate shock gave way to curiosity and she saw it wasn't just letters; there were words, followed by sentences. She knew them. Intimately. These were the words she vowed to hold in endlessly. With that thought the literary flood gates opened and the words stacked high, partially occluding her view. Windows cracked, doors bulged and she had no idea how or when this would end. Her hands went instinctively to her ears to stop this uninvited deluge but that only rerouted them through her nose.

Her head shook side to side in denial with that realization but the motion only caused the words to slip in her tears and collide with one another with soft thuds and audible crunches. Now she knew why she never balanced her checkbook.
~

Continuation

Whew. Ok, just a quick post.

Got word today that my cousin Joanie died. She had cancer and we knew she was in the end stages but it finally won. She said she wasn't afraid of death and knew it was descending upon her rapidly. Her suffering has come to an end, and as one of her lasts acts, she literally donated her body to science. The ashes will not be returned to the family for 2 years so there will be no funeral. In lieu of funeral flowers, she requested that donations be made to a local animal shelter. Joanie led a hard life at times but even in the end made sure she gave back all that she could.

I'll be back in a couple of days. Hopefully with a small fiction post and no more deaths.

Not the best way to wake up.

But at least I woke up.

It seems like it wasn't all that long ago that I wrote this post. Well, not this exact post but one freakishly similar to what it will most likely turn out to be.

As I was waking up this morning, the local news coming through my clock radio was telling me how a friend of mine was just killed and another hospitalized. Brief recap: Todd and Ray leave the bar at 3am. Several miles away Todd loses control of his crotch rocket and they fly off the bike (sans helmets) meeting with the road and a rather large fence. The road/fence combination won. Ray is currently in the hospital in critical condition and Todd was killed. He was only 31. I just saw Todd's brother the day before. It occured to me that at the time I saw him, his brother was about 9 hours away from taking his last breath yet there he stood, blissfully ignorant. My mind seems to veer that way, I can't help it.

This incident, mainly Todd's death, makes me think over chances I take. Some necessary, some not, but ones that could have a grave outcome. Then of course it magnifies the things I feel I should take a chance on yet don't, for whatever reason. Peculiar how death makes you think and reevaluate so much.

So, out of town for another two days then I should be back. I still haven't caught up on all the blogs and email and such. Not necessarily saying I'm that popular just that I'm relatively slow. =)

Katrina's fringes are enveloping us as I write this. If you can see the stars where you are, give a nod to them for Todd, will ya?

Marty! Marty! He's our man, if he can't do it...

...then I'll stop watching the show. Simple.

Thanks for such a great 'welcome back'! Considering how I was feeling, it was such a wonderful thing to see. Thank you!

And to thank you all (bit o' sarcasm), yes, I signed on for 'word verification' in an attempt to block spam. When I wrote the last post, I received 4 spamments within 5 minutes. I don't think so... So yeah, it takes you an extra few seconds, but I'm sure most of us will end up with something like that on our blogs eventually. Then they'll find a way around that but hey, that's the way things go.

I thought my petsitting may be done but alas... the wicked hurricane has thwarted the travel plans of my clients which means I'll be gone a few more days. Not sure which ones but it won't be quite as long. It's amazing how much I missed writing here and checking all of your blogs.

Anyway... if you recall, I referred to a certain car that I was not able to drive (boo! hiss!) while petsitting. Here you go... the incredibly high-priced sports car that lives at the million dollar home.

It's a Ferrari. It's yellow. That is the extent of my knowledge. Oh yeah, and it's a convertible. I was considering sitting in it and turning a fan on high so it looked as if I were driving and snapped a picture. I thought better of it... I'm way too clumsy and would have ended up having to explain to them why the car's steering wheel had to be surgically removed from around my leg. They don't call me Amazing Graceless for nothing...

And failed attempts to try...

The prospect of quiet time alone was overwhelmingly appealing. I craved time to relax, think, reflect and maybe do some general sorting and planning in reference to my future. One hitch; nothing went as planned. Why am I actually surprised by this...?

I wanted time to relax, what I got was mind-numbing boredom. So bored, in fact, that I became a 'reality TV' viewer. First... I'll say that I'm not a fan. Then I caught a glimpse and the brief sound of INXS. Ah, the flood of nostalgia; they were such a fun band. In addition to the nostalgia, I have found a captivating reason to watch Rock Star: INXS...

Marty Casey

Aka: Manic Marty... I am moderately spellbound. Not sure what it is. Rare is the time I go for the blonde hair/blue eyes thing. Something about him is beautiful; perhaps it's his dual persona. At times he is calm and sweet, then he has a hidden switch he engages that throws him into a dark, somewhat edgy sort of place. That's what earned him the Manic Marty nickname. Oddly, I like it. Alot. I have a feeling I'll be watching. He'll be my new silent obsession. Or something like that.

Not even sure why I'm talking about that as it's rather pointless. Then again, maybe that sums it up perfectly. I'm feeling pretty pointless. I had hoped to use my time away to figure out what direction to take my life. Well, I failed. I know nothing more about myself and am no closer to pinning down any defining points of contentment.

Lately I've been unhappy and it is increasing in intensity. Sometimes I care deeply; sometimes I just don't. I think I've gotten lost in the shuffle of 'me'. What I think I want, I'm too scared to go after. If I do identify it as something I want, I question my judgement. Add in fear, uncertainty, doubt and it's no wonder I don't know which way to turn.

It's not unlike being trapped in the funhouse maze of mirrors. Everywhere I look it's me, yet it's not really me. The reflected image traps me at every turn; I'm standing in my own way. I'm the only one able to get me out yet ironically, it all comes down to a bizarre balance of persistence and dumb luck in order to break free.

It pisses me off that I let it get this bad, that I allowed myself to become mired in it. Now I'm not sure how to get out. But I'm working on it...

I've got quite a bit of catching up to do with reading blogs, so that should keep me busy for a good long while. Then I'm sure it'll be time to watch Marty again. Might be on and off for the next few days as the petsitting isn't quite over. Sort of, but not completely. In a way. Kind of...

Do not adjust your set...

As you know, I'm on my way out of town for a bit, but within the past 24 hours I came across some pretty interesting visuals and wanted to pass them along. Hope you enjoy!

This first set is amazing and someone must have done alot of practicing to get these as seamless as they are. I don't know where they came from so I don't know who to credit, other than the mark on the pics.

As for this next little item, you may have seen it but it really is pretty interesting. Highly surreal, a little unsettling, but definitely worth a peek. There is nothing else to say about this; just go look.

Today Benny got another bunny... twice. I know for a fact that it was the same one but I think the situation is under control now. While I had it, I couldn't resist taking a few pics...

Heh... he asked to see this post... honest!

I thought the box said 'mouse'....hmmm....

And one last image to leave you with. I'm thinking that I might really, really like this bra. Of course I'd rather have a man follow behind me and do the same thing but hey, that's not as practical. This I could have fun with....

And on that note... I'm outta here for a few. I mean after that, what more could there be to say?!

Don't be scared Mini-Me...

So this might be a kind of dorky thing to do, but hey, this is me we're talking about. I took my camera to work tonight and got pictures of the Demon Door. They came out rather well as far as the detail in the grain so hopefully some of you can see this atrocity too. The rest of you... eh, you are just skeered and don't want to admit it... =)

Come ON... just look at that face!!! Horns, eyes, furrowed brow...

Here's a full length view. Now it looks like a demonic antelope or something...

I don't know, the thing has just creeped me out since I've worked there, which has been 2 1/2 years. I had to break the silence and it was either via blog or Jerry Springer.

Now that I've taken a picture of it (and posted it on the internet, no less) I would hope that hasn't released some spirit and placed some sort of Demon Door curse or hex on me. Then again, if it does, maybe I will go on Jerry Springer...

"Women and the door-demons that haunt them; open and closed cases?" Next! On Springer!

>> Since I wrote this post I have been plagued, plagued I tell you, with giant crickets. Oh no! It's the demon door curse! Ok, not so much plagued as, uh, visited by two rather large crickets. But they were in my house! And truthfully, I've never seen crickets this big. I found them about 15 minutes apart and approximately 8 feet from one another. Aww... they were friends... yeah, mutant friends... honestly, never so loud or large in my life. Do they travel in herds now? Sheesh! If I find a third I am sooo sleeping in my car tonight.

And yes, I was nice and scooped them up and put them back outside.

That's right I'm the last one standing...

...another one bites the dust.

I can't really go on here and say that I ain't no HollaBack Girl simply because I have no idea what that is. Apparently though, this shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. What is a hollaback girl? Am I one? Do I want to be one? Sorry, this has been bugging me.

So unfortunately for you, yes, it's another Ramble-thon. I just have like 792 things still pacing my neuropathways. I've made some headway as it was originally 800. You know the drill - mild to moderate chaos; mainly harmless but please remain seated until the post comes to a complete stop.

Well, it's official. I've got crunk. That's how I spent my morning. I'm really shiny and gold. Ok, it's nowhere near the picture in the link; it's just one tooth and it's not in front either. I will say that my smile is most certainly radiant now. God forbid I should swallow this $600 chunk-o-metal; the retrieval would not be pretty.

Last night at work I took a 5 minute break and went outside. There was still some light left and it afforded me the chance to see the five story roof and also a secondary roof between the first and second floors. I got this image of someone accidentally falling off the top and landing on the lower roof. Kind of creepy; needless to say I immediately went in. Maybe that'll teach me to take a break...

I pulled into a local convenience store/corner market kind of place and sat there staring at the windows for a good 6 minutes before going in. The advertising signs were crooked. GAH! That looks so hickish. Then there was the handwritten sign taped on the glass door, now curled and sunbleached. And misspelled. You know, would it kill you to proofread it? If that's too hard, use smaller words. Always makes me think of the saying "Better to let people think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it." I am way too anal retentive.

Happy ending there; Cinnamon Coffee Cake Cappuccino... heavenly.

For some reason, every time I turn around I'm being faced with all things relating to marriage and unions of sorts. WTF? Then it recently gets pointed out to me that if I'm going to have kids I'd better have them soon. Nice. Doesn't it usually help to have a guy first? And it's not just the kid thing, it's all of it. Kids, marriage, engagements, friends moving in together, it all seems to be showing up all around me. Maybe I'm just feeling old. Who knows.

The gears are going once again but I'm not sure what the end result is going to be. I think I want to move. The weather here is becoming too extreme for my liking and my happiness level has sunk to a new level; somewhere around the soles of my shoes I think. I want drastic. And a moderate climate. And on the coast. Any suggestions? Now, really sell me on it! =)

Speaking of shoes, I finally got my new orthotics and found that they squeak obnoxiously when I walk. It's kind of funny (at least I get a laugh out of it) but I'm going to have to find a way to remedy the situation.

I've learned recently that it is really the simple things that make me happy. To make me feel important, wanted, and appreciated, I mean. Sure, every now and then I suppose people like trinkets and such and that all has it's place. But something basic, a gesture from the heart, well-meaning in intent. Done for the purpose of making you smile - that still means something to me. In a greed-filled world I like knowing that I can say that as truth.

My wooden door at work has a demon face on it. I mean it. I forget about it for a couple of months but have just noticed it again. Now I will see it constantly and start to avoid walking that way, sure that it can see me. It sounds dumb but I mean it... it's creepy. Maybe I'll try to get a pic of it to prove that I'm not a total loon. Well, at least not over this.

One other thing. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty but I don't have a list of blog links. No offense, but I can't maintain that. I would alter it daily and feel pressure to add or omit certain ones. More likely I would have a breakdown over who to include and who not to. In effect, everyone may be on there one day and the list drastically reduced the next. I have issues, this is one way they would manifest. I don't think that something of that sort should detract from blogging, so I don't let it.

Oh yeah, one more thing. What if we could teleport when we made phone calls? Just drop in or manifest on the other end? I think I might not answer my phone. But if I was prepared and all 'beautified', I'd be much more willing to answer. No, that's a lie. I really don't like anyone just dropping by... ever. In addition, who gets beamed; caller or callee? Is callee a word? And why is it that I think of these things...

This has been a public service announcement. Please feel free to move about the cabin...

...and you shake it all about.

I have about 800 little things on my mind today and absolutely must get some of them out. Do not expect there to be any cohesiveness in this post. Got it? Ok, proceed then.

My day started with a loooong phone conversation with my mother. By long, I mean it was about 20 minutes shy of 4 hours. In this time we: admitted how unhappy we both are, feel trapped, feel helpless and hopeless and have lost so much faith in ourselves as far as fixing it. (Ok, I just realized that the word helpless has a letter span of lpl... that just looks odd. Ok, as you were...) In effect, we've lost who we are. We did not plan this conversation, it just happened. We've determined that she is much more a 'planner' and I'm much more a 'spur of the moment' kind of gal. Amazingly we could both see each others points of view and didn't yell, scream, speak sarcastically, or antagonize the other. The entire time. I love her dearly and we are close, yet we can be so opposite that it is almost a volatile mix. That's why I am still in awe of our conversation.

Had the pleasure of going to the grocery store today. If you can't control your gaggle of children, may I suggest birth control? Another possibility is tranquilizer darts. If you can't hit the speedy little children (that are acting as if they missed every nap since the day they were born) then for the love of Starbuck's, hit ME!

I got a strange image in my head tonight and I truly don't know where it came from. What if I was dating someone (quit laughing and just play along) and they had really freakish ideas? I mean, not as freakish as being a Republican or anything, but say, he wanted to be linked to me via a collar and leash as we went about our daily activities... like the grocery store. I don't know why I thought that, but I did.

Unsettling dreams have been plaguing me lately. I do not like them, therefore I am consuming beer in an attempt to sedate the little bastards. I know it's not ladylike (and I don't think I've ever referred to myself as such) to like beer, but I do. If I could get the tops off a bottle with my teeth that would be cool. Then again I like my teeth, so maybe not. But if I could do it with my breasts... hey, now that would be a great parlor trick!

Speaking of teeth, I get my crunk on Tuesday... I will officially be Lucy McGoldNuggett! Hey, I'd offer to snap a photo but that would really be rather gross, actually.

In addition, I will be petsitting for 13 days (I think) beginning at the end of the week. I'll be home for 4 days during that time, but beginning to end it's a 13 day span. It's wonderful because I get to stay in this extravagant home, watch movies, relax, read... all those things we never seem to have time to do. Down side is that the bed sucks, I can't drive the Ferrari (yes, they really have one) and they have no computer. I'm quite sure I'll make it but I'll miss checking out all your blogs!

Today as I went to pick up the mail, I realized that there was a good chance I was blinding the drivers with my, hmmm, how should I say this, fair and delicate complexion. Even I looked down in horror. Truthfully, I have no desire whatsoever to be tan. I used to and for a few years (during the summer) I went to the tanning beds. After one full month (minus 2 days), my mom looked at me and said, "Hey, I thought you were going tanning?" It took me 2 1/2 months to even get a base tan. And for those of you that have never tanned, do you have any idea how itchy your, er, upper front quadrant gets when it is exposed to the beds?! Oh - same goes for your ass. But I did like the stand-up beds with the wrist straps...heh heh...

I was propositioned by member of the same sex. Yes, I know her, but it shocked me nonetheless. Considering the fact that we are both straight I was a little surprised. I'm not going to sit here and say what I will or won't do, but it made me realize that I know her too well to even consider it...lol. There was no alcohol involved - this was at work. I think she is wanting to find a relationship that works for her so badly that the lines are blurring, that's all. Honestly, I think it is a compliment if someone lets you know that they are attracted to you, whether it matches your sexual orientation or not. Perhaps I am just such a sweet, sexy thang that no one can resist... Geez. I can't even type that without giggling!

Tomorrow I may try to paint this living room. Well, the ceiling and trim anyway. It still has to be taped off and it is rainy, so hell, it might not even dry! I refuse to move anything. I will throw a sheet or something over the furniture and balance with one foot on the chair and one on the desk, scaling the walls as needed, but I will not move things. This is poor planning for someone with vertigo but hey, it adds a sense of adventure. And my insurance is paid up...

As a last, happy thought... I will have the day to myself tomorrow. *Sigh* Did you hear that sigh of delight? These days are incredibly rare and I cherish them so. I actually want to get up fairly early so I have more alone-time to enjoy. Of course I feel a little guilty reacting like this, but come tomorrow, I will be drinking in every moment. And probably singing off key (loudly) and prancing around half dressed. What could be better! =)

I'm on a mission.

...ya better just listen
To my rhymes 'cause I'm all about dissin' 'cause
It takes two to make a thing go right (Woo)
It takes two to make it outta sight (Yeah)
Hit it! {Rob Base & D.J. Ez Rock...It Takes Two}

Ok, now that we've already established that I can't be trusted to carry out a normal, serious post without tainting it with goofiness... we can now move on. For the record - every now and then I hear or say a few words and it so nicely morphs into that song. Like now, I didn't plan on putting it there but it flowed right out of the title. The 80s were such a blast. Anyone around my age should remember it. My friend Pat (with the Flock of Seagulls hairdo) had the 12 inch. He let me borrow it and I was in heaven. Hmmm, don't think I ever returned it, come to think of it. Oops...


And now we return to the regularly scheduled nerdy portion of our post...

I need your help folks. I saw something in the night sky starting just after 10pm on Tuesday, August 9th that was so unsettlingly beautiful. Here's the problem... I can't pinpoint what it was. Here's a couple of pictures (not taken by me) that may give you an idea of what I saw:


These are pictures from a lunar eclipse. I saw a waxing crescent moon (I think somewhere around 40%) but it was a very crisp, clear definition unlike the one here. The color was just as vibrant as this full moon photo. Do you know how difficult it is to keep your car on the road when there is something as magnificent as that look right at you?

So of course I tried to do a search to find out the details. Truly not as easy as you might think. I did learn that the pictures of a lunar eclipse (shown here) match what I saw perfectly in color, detail and dramatic flair. Unfortunately I could find nothing regarding a lunar eclipse on that date. Yes, I've even gone to the NASA websites; in fact, I may email them and ask what it was that I was seeing in my little corner of the world. Hey, they got the shuttle down, they have free time... So if you might know of a way for me to get greater detail, please let me know. I would appreciate it greatly.

If any of you know of websites where you can put in your location and the date and get information on the sky for that time, please feel free to pass that along to me. This really has become my new mission. I've never seen anything so humbling in such a natural, simplistic way. It was even more breathtaking than the first time I saw the Leonid meteor showers. Speaking of which, August 12th marks peak time for viewing the Perseid showers here...

{Looks down}... Hey, what's that? {Bends to peek} Oh, just a bit of nerd showing...

And another thing...

(Marylou Retton, eat your heart out!)

There has been a surge of spamments lately. Oh, those are 'spam comments'.... spamments. I just made that up right now...can you tell? lol... I know it's dumb.

I like to reply to comments because I like to read what you have to say. Simple. If you take the time to reply, so should I. That's my current thought pattern anyway.

Due to an increase (everywhere it would seem) in spamments, rules have been altered.

• If I do not know you or have not seen you on another blog, I will delete you if you have not left a comment showing that my post has been read. (Specifics folks, specifics! Not just 'Cool blog'; come visit me at.....)
• Which brings me to the next thing. Unless you are not a blogger member, your name will become a direct link to your site in the comments. Please don't use me as an advertising site. I don't do it to others and expect that in return. Your comment will be deleted, unless of course I do know who you are then I will just silently wonder why you feel the need to duplicate the link.
• While I believe in freedom of speech, not on my blog...lol. I was going to try to ignore the spamments but fuck it. Everything has been pissing me off so why give the little spammers with fake-ass sites the benefit of the doubt? This space is mine. Don't like being deleted? Then go elsewhere.
• For the few that may be new to this blog and might have the bad luck to get deleted due to a general comment, I do apologize. I truly love hearing what everyone has to say and like to visit new blogs. If I delete you and it is unwarranted, I do apologize in advance.

So that's all for that. I just get irritated that my time and space, and your time and space gets sucked up by idiots. I love being able to flap my jaws (er, digits) here and find it to be a source of disappointment and aggravation to get spamments. Fucking spamments.

Just Don't

* This post not rated, but if it were, something tells me it may end up with language-related restrictions.

So ok, what the fuck?!

I've worked the past three days (weekends at the hospital are rough) and have also been in the throes of some hellacious PMS. I want to either bed you or kill you. If I'd be a Praying Mantis, I could do both... hmmm. Anyway, I've also been in a great deal of pain (non-PMS related) and am apparently just a little bit fucking touchy at the moment.

After sending off two quick emails, I figured I'd check a handful of blogs to see if anything had happened over the last few days. That's when I saw it. A simple sentence that burned my ass so bad that I could feel my chest start to tighten within minutes. Ok, want rules? Here they are. Don't fucking lie to me. Ever. Be a little creative if you must, but never fucking lie. So what happened, you ask? Not much, but it goes a little like this:

Unexpectedly saw something that was truly an innocent little comment. Fun-loving, actually. Only problem is that (and I have to be careful here) this comment that has no real significance (read: not malicious) was preceded by a whole other set of circumstances that now makes it have significance. Ok, think of it this way... imagine we are friends (awful, eh?) and we have a brief conversation regarding mutual friends. Keep in mind this is an example, not a direct representation, just to let you know where the real topic would fit in with the scheme of things. You maintain that you really aren't friends with them anymore and over the next month or so I notice comments being made by said mutual friends referring to you in a much friendlier way indicating current involvement. Ok, fuck it. You tell me you aren't friends, then from what I have been seeing (on several counts), you most definitely are. Let me make one thing sparklingly clear here... this is not about two or more people talking to one another. Nor is it about me liking or disliking someone. It's about one thing and one thing only. What purpose was there to lie about something so simple?! Christ! The only thing that has happened in the end is that now I wonder why it was deemed necessary to lie to begin with? I mean really, what the fuck is that about? Something that was a comment in passing a while back has new significance under the title 'lie'. Why? Why lie about something that didn't 'warrant' a lie? It just makes me look back and wonder why. And if that, then what else? GAHHH! Although I may have a rather unfocused side to me, this LiVEwiRe does have functioning synapses and is far from stupid. A lifetime of real cocksuckers saw to it that I learn to pay attention for the sake of self preservation.

I hate lies. I will drop anyone faster than someone running through hell in gasoline shorts if you lie to me. And that is fast, fucker. If you wonder if this is about you, hey, it might be. But if you ask me directly I will have a canned response and that is most likely going to be "no". Look, I've known me for 35 years now and I know that PMS + Pain = Not a good time to discuss a whole hell of alot. Let it also be known that I've been noticing these things harmlessly accumulating for a while now, this just so happens to be the moment that it got to me.

Forgive me for admitting to having a breaking point that may seem so low, but I do not tolerate lying. I'll take this and tuck it away and purposely avoid any confrontation on the matter. If you ask, no matter who you are, you will get a response of denial... it's not you. Just don't fucking do it again.

* This rant is more in response to facing dishonesty, not the actual matter at hand. Now fuck off.

Run. Hide.

Trust me...

I find that I've been laughing at myself all day and just had to share a bit of it. Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with a mirror...

At some point last night, I decided to start several domestic projects. {Enter fits of laughter here.} If you all only knew how funny that is. Between last night and today, I cleaned the vents, removed an old faucet to put on the new, did laundry (including pretreating), did a sweep for cobwebs, dusted the bathroom floor and mopped it. Twice (damned hairspray). Then I tackled the mirror, sink, and counters. I also cleaned out the desk which included tossing old paperwork and organizing the free-floating pages that have plagued me since they got here. As I handled that task, I chatted online to my HP help specialist-person-thingy for about an hour and a half. End result? LiVEwiRe gets a new disc... hoo-friggin'rah. That was well worth it, eh? Now it all becomes clear why I had to be routed overseas to have that handled. In addition, all registration and warranty paperwork from recent electronic-gadgety-things has been completed and is ready to be placed in the mail tomorrow. My CDs have been straightened up and my car has had a light cleaning. Yes, I've admittedly missed a couple of doses of lithium this past week but this is not related, I assure you. However, this is all rather uncharacteristic for me. But on the bright side, I haven't broken a nail yet! =)

For my next trick (and this here is a biiiig one}... I went to the grocery store. Blech! I hate going there. I want to press my body to the floor and have a good old kicking and screaming fit when I get there, just like a six year old. Sheesh, and they don't even have to pay for it! What the hell are they whining about?! Anyway - in my eyes, this is truly like one of Dante's levels of hell for me. Many of the key players were there already when I got there: Woman with gaggle of grubby ill-mannered children. You know, the one who lets her four year old push the two year old in the bulky plastic cart shaped like a car? Later I usually find her lingering in the beer aisle; it is no wonder. I also met with the person in the electric wheelchair with the cart attached and their trusty sidekick "yes-my-parts-allow-me-to-assist-my-friend-in-the-chair-and-just-to-show-you-how-well-I-can-do-that-I-will-stand-in-your-God-damned-way-and-block-the-aisle-passage-every-freakin-chance-I-get." Yes, technically that is a long name for a sidekick but hey, that's the way things are classified in nature, what can I say? I will say that one of my favorites is the little old 'out of control' man. Well, it's more his cart that is out of control. He always comes at you from around the corner at the end of the aisle on what appears to be two wheels; mexicorn, bran flakes, fruit cocktail and bacon all skidding to the opposite end of the cart. He never has much in there yet maneuvers that metal beast as if it were hauling a half ton of coal or something. I also got the pleasure of running into (almost literally) the kid who sings/screams throughout the store (mom has no input) and the guy who runs with the cart, picking up speed then jumps on in an attempt to make the aforementioned three year old quiet down. Yeah, in this case it was my cousin, her boyfriend and one of their sons. Did I ever mention how proud I am of my family?...

But here's the absolute best part of all. Here's what I bought that was not on the list. Mocha fraps, apricot danish, Pim's biscuits (orange), chocolate mint cookies, hazelnut biscuits, chocolate/vanilla marble ice cream, grape soda (for purple cows) and rootbeer soda (floats), peanut butter and chocolate pudding...

WooHoo!!! Can you say P.M.S.?

Ok... so just to round out this little session of honesty here, I'm going to address one final aspect of my episodic PMS behavior. Boys... be forewarned...

Are the boys otherwise occupied at this time? Good. I don't know about anyone else but the influx of hormones really tends to have certain effect on me. I am this close (my fingers are almost touching...) to just taking a man, throwing him down and completely having my way him. The way I feel, there wouldn't be enough left over for the vultures... No, I mean it's really bad. I go back to work tomorrow and I find myself thinking that I would have some damn fine targets there. Boys that are under the weather and can't move quickly; is it a bad thing to think of patients as sexual targets? Heh heh... just one more service our hospital offers...

So it would appear that I have become a highly domestic, sugar craving whore this month. Just wish I could focus more on the whore part. Meh, maybe next month.

~

Pondering

So this morning on the radio, I hear this story about a woman who went to pick up a weekly lunch order for her office and was killed. She was shot in the head by a stray bullet while she sat at the drive thru. What happened, you ask? Two males, ages 17 and 18, were in a gang related fight over who-knows-what. One fired, the bullet went over 40 yards, across a four lane road, between signs, through her windshield and right into her head to eventually kill her. As she sat at the drive thru. I think it's just so amazing that so many people try to live their lives in order to, well, preserve it. Yet, no matter what, when your number is up, it's up. No arguing. Not that I advocate playing on the highway blindfolded during rush hour or anything. Or swimming in shark infested waters in a sirloin wetsuit. But sometimes these stories of either being in the right place at the right time (and surviving) or, such as this, being in the wrong place at the wrong time (and not...) really have an impact. Truly, what are the odds?

As sick as it sounds, I like to hear these stories. Why, you ask? No, I'm not a sicko. Well, at least not in that sense. It simply reminds me how quickly life can change; good or bad. That's where the title for this very blog came from. Sometimes, it really doesn't matter one damn bit what you do. When things are ready to change, they will - and there isn't one thing you can do to alter that. Think about the situation above; all circumstantial. Had nothing at all to do with her, yet in the blink of an eye, so many lives changed. No one ever sees it coming. The best we can do is live life. Period.

So this brings me to the end of my little pondering thing here. Who would care if something happened to you? And in what might be either your last moments, or a crisis time, who would you think about? Who would your mind and heart immediately seek out? Don't misunderstand, this isn't about being sad or seeking confirmation or anything like that. I pose that as a rhetorical question. I mean, we'd pretty obviously think of family or other loved ones, but does it extend further? For instance... would you want say, fellow Bloggers to know if something happened? Would you silently wish you told the cashier that always packs your groceries so well that you were consistently pleased with her efficiency? Do you think they'd notice your absence? If they did, do you think they'd care? Often, I think we might get some surprising answers.

Every now and then I get on one of these kicks and can't help but to, uh, ponder. Better for me to do it here than to keep it in my head and give myself one more reason to lose sleep at night...

Now stop reading this and go out and live your life.

Kind of like a Banshee

So after an invigorating yet relaxing shower and a short story by Murakami, I reached to set my alarm clock for the morning. At this point, oh, approximately 1:30am or so, I was still under the impression that I would be heading directly into some semblance of a decent night's sleep.

Famous last words. Er, thoughts...

To begin with, Isabella (my good cat) decided that she would play 'springboard' between me, the bed, and the windowsill. Such good fun. Thankfully her escapade was short lived but it did break up the relaxing that I was in the midst of.

Just as the slow pull of sleep began to find it's way back to me, I heard it. It was more than just 'hearing' it, actually. My breath caught, my eyes opened wide, and I felt a trickle of panic enter me. The front of my house faces the lake, the rear, a forest that just a few houses down is backed by a golf course. The course is part of a park system and has been set up to attract various forms of wildlife. Crafty little buggers don't like to stay within those confines...

Anyway... a flood of strange sounds begins to creep into my bedroom windows. Strange enough to even shut up my neighbor's stupid beagles; and nothing ever shuts them up. This wasn't the typical skunk, squirrel or raccoon banter. It was sort of like a quick bark although no build up or ending sounds, just quick - and only once each time. Almost like a chuff. Of course that was followed by the sounds of something being apparently boiled alive. Yeah, that gets the ol' heart rate up at about 3am. My mind starts wandering and I consider the types of wildlife that may have been attracted. For a moment I settled upon Bigfoot. The sounds turned to squeals and something that I can't even describe but it was highly unsettling. Adding to that, I could hear that the animal was coming closer to the back of the house. Joy. In this case I should say that I knew it wasn't Benny - he was on the patio. Within the next 30 minutes or so this animal, which I'm figuring was either a fox or coyote, managed to lurk about under my windows (thankfully not catching sight of Isabella who at this point had ringside seats on the windowsill), call to other animals, fight with and uh, eat (I think) some small unsuspecting victim, and snap every little branch on the ground right outside my window. I kept having visions in my head of this animal (which in my mind is now comparable in size to a Yeti and in ferocity to a werewolf) waiting for the perfect moment, then lunging in and either backing me into a corner or going for the throat.

Less than 20 minutes from that point, the creature became bored and decided to move on, with a raccoon coming in closer to 'yell' at it for one reason or another. Nice to have the raccoon as backup but my adrenaline level would have stayed alot more consistent had it stopped by over an hour earlier. Eventually it quiets and sleep finds me. Briefly.

Sirensbellswhistlessirensbellswhistlessirensbellswhistles!!! At 7:12am... and I'm living life on the set of "Law & Order CI vs E.R." (Down side: no Vincent D'Onofrio, no Goran Visnjic...). Although I would have gladly traded sleep for either of those men. Whew...ok, off track... point is, when all is said and done...

No rest for the wicked. Damn.

The Cowardly Phoenix

It's been increasingly evident that I have less and less to say. I don't mean just in blogland, but in general. I don't even have anything good to tell myself or anyone else.

I know (well, I hope) it's just a phase of sorts, but it's a little unsettling. Earlier, I caught myself drifting off into space, just staring at a fixed point on the wall for so long that it became all but invisible to me. We all do that at some point, right? Right. Only thing is, when I realized it, I just kind of gave a muffled grunt of acknowledgement and kept right...on....staring..... I'm not sure how long I sat there like that and worse yet, I don't care.

Depressed? Maybe. Complacent? Somewhat. Stumped by what to do with my life in general? Ding! Ding! Ding! We may have a winner here! Something tells me that I am kind of zoning out in hopes that the 'answer' may sift through to me on a subconscious level. Yeah, ok sure. It might - just like those goofy 'Magic Eye' things that you can only see when you try NOT to see them! Well, I can't see those either so maybe this isn't the method of enlightenment for me.

My friends (and even those that don't like me...), it's time I face the fact that I am bearing a striking resemblance to one leonine creature in The Wizard of Oz. I think I need courage. Aside from my occasional snivelling posts, I tend to be rather confident. If confidence can't cover it, then I just don't really give a shit.... you get the idea; it's taken care of either way. Somehow I think I've been taking confidence and courage to be the same thing. Well, they're not. How many years have I been on this planet and I am just learning this...

The courage I lack is that of someone who is willing to take chances and risks on things that will make them happy. In numerous ways I do have courage, but not when it comes to taking steps in my own life. No, often I do, but apparently I'm experiencing technical difficulties. Somewhere, there is fear overriding that courage and I'll tell you what; it's really starting to piss me off. That is good; anger has always been an incredibly effective motivator for me.

Perhaps my zoning out/staring moments are the physical manifestation of this silent conflict between courage and fear. It sort of cancels each other out; much like burning a piece of paper. Everyone assumes the fire 'wins' but isn't the end result the same? The fire has consumed the paper. The paper has fuelled the fire to the point of extinguishing. No paper, no fire - just a new substance - ash.

I've known for a while that something hasn't been quite right (Hey! No jokes there....) but haven't been able to really classify it. Now I have a new way of looking at it. And as I have many times in the past, I will manage to rise from the ashes. Well, hopefully without tripping and falling...
~

Know What?

I would make a kick ass mad scientist!

No really, I would.

I came to this conclusion tonight at work. I have the perfect quirky, erratic personality for it. The kind that no one even pretends to attempt an explanation for. There tends to be alot of eye rolling and shoulder-shrugging involved...

I was working in the IV room tonight and when it got really busy and I was making all of my TPNs, PPNs and IVs, I was just in my own little world. Usually I have two physical speeds: slow and slower. Working in that IV room gets me going and I really find a groove; everything else just kind of falls away.

Although this is just a generic photo, it shows a bit of what I do. Of course we don't have the funds at our facility to have all those nifty little machines that measure everything out for you... we do it using our own calculations and accurate measuring. But that's fine by me! That's the fun of it! That's what makes me feel like I'd be a great mad scientist - the hands on work!

I get so drawn into it that I could just imagine myself being one of those types that gets way carried away; sort of bordering on scary. I suppose it's a good thing I don't have an Einstein-esque IQ then, eh? (Ok, for those of you that know me a little better... STOP laughing at that idea! I mean it!) Ah... but if I did...

Hey, do they have Mad Scientist schools?....

Please, put the phone down.

Step away from the phone...

I was just sitting here moments ago, hoping to catch up with someone via IM - pretty much minding my own business. As my computer is located directly in front of two windows, I get a great view of the outside world. Today's view?

In this case, the outside world had huge teeth. And was furry. Yes, it was Benny. Boy am I ever grateful for him... for lo, in his powerful jaws was ensnared a creature of mythical proportion...

Yes, here is the creature Benny so bravely saved me from. Sorry, I suppose it would have been kind of me to properly warn you that I was, in fact, going to show a picture of this horrific beast. Unfathomable as it may be, I wrestled this wee beastie from Benny, risking life and limb. Well, moreso from Benny, but still...


If you know anything about rabbits, wild or domestic, you know that when they get frightened, they just freeze. For me, this is good. For me, this means cute photo ops. And 'squeeze' time.


Yep, just like this one. Now, this little one is still in a bit of shock from the run-in with the aforementioned feline so please, don't think I was being cruel. Well, maybe a little self-serving, but not cruel. To let it go immediately would have been the same as handing it over to Benny with a parsley garnish. I was merely giving time for the shock to wear off.


Ok, so I also happen to know that it is relatively easy to put rabbits in a 'trance' (this is a real thing) and, well, you can see for yourself. I promise you, this is not any form of animal cruelty. But come on, how cute is that?

So I had a few wonderful moments holding a baby bunny. It was old enough to be on it's own and hopefully when I let it go (unscathed), it chose a wiser, more remote path. And learned to hop faster. In the end, all was well.


Except according to Benny... he doesn't look very happy, does he? Oh well...

Recipe type things...

Some of you expressed interest in recipes for the items shown in my previous post. If you knew how little I actually cooked, you'd find it laughable... As promised, here are the recipes - I hope you enjoy! If you try them, let me know how they turn out, ok?

Salsa the Hard Way
(There are no quantities, volumes, or amounts here as this is all 'to taste'.)

Tomatoes (Regular, large, vine ripened if possible)
Green Pepper
Red Pepper
Corn (On the cob is best)
Jicama (Ask the grocer)
Onion
Garlic
Hot Pepper(s) (Pick your level of heat)
Cilantro (fresh)
Limes (Or lime juice)
Salt/Pepper

Put on gloves first - you will thank me in the end. "Gut" the tomatoes, saving the seeds and juicy stuff in a bowl in case you need to add moisture at the end. Wash peppers and place directly on stovetop. A gas range works best. Turn peppers when each side becomes charred. You should remove the battery from your smoke detector first. Let all sides roast, leaving about 1/4 to 1/3 of the pepper green/red. When you are done roasting them, plunge them under cold running water and rub. Most of the charred skin will slough off but leave some of the blackened portions to add flavor, color, and texture. While they are roasting, take about 1/3 each of your diced onion and minced garlic and lightly saute. If you have cooked corn on the cob, roast that lightly as well; it will bring out the sweetness. Canned corn can be used if you don't have fresh corn on the cob. Peel and dice jicama. Jicama is a root bulb thing that looks like a large turnip and tastes like a combination between a raw potato and raw apple. It is white and retains it's crunch. Best of all, it does not turn brown. You can also use it as a fruit/veggie for a sweet or savory dip. Chop, dice, or mince all veggies, including the fresh cilantro. Snap the bottom of a stem of cilantro in a fresh bunch; it should give off a pungent, unmistakable citrusy scent. The amount I have in the picture (looks like parsley) is actually about 1/3 the amount I'd normally use. Don't be afraid to use it! As far as the hot pepper... be afraid to use it...lol. Add it at the end. Separate seeds and membranes as they are the hottest. Mince it as fine as possible and even smash a little bit into juice, scooping it up with your knife to add to the bowl. This distributes the flavor more evenly. Juice a lime (pulp included) into the bowl or use lime juice. Add it in small amounts! After all is said and done, add pepper and salt. Mix well, let it sit for an hour or two then taste again. You may need to do this a few times to get the salt/lime/heat thing arranged properly. You might end up adding salt a few times as it seems to disappear in there somewhere...

Now, as for this cake.... I'll make it easy and use the recipe given. If you want to use an actual cake-from-scratch recipe, knock yourself out. I'll make a note afterward showing changes I made**.

Red Velvet Cherry Torte

Red Velvet box cake mix (yield: 2 round 9 inch cakes) such as Duncan Hines
1 (21oz) can of cherry pie filling
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1 (8oz) container frozen non-dairy whipped topping, thawed (ie: Cool Whip - NEVER use the canned stuff!)
1/4 cup toasted, sliced almonds/hazlenuts **
Prepared Cream Cheese frosting ** such as Pillsbury

Make and completely cool cakes. Combine cherry pie filling and almond extract in a bowl and stir.
Place one cake layer on a cake plate or something similar. Spread with 1 cup whipped topping then 1/2 of the pie filling mixture. Top with the second cake layer and spread remaining pie filling mixture to within 1 1/2 inches of the cake edge. Decorate edge with remaining whipped topping and sliced almonds.

My version**:

I've never used almond extract. Prior to the layer of Cool Whip, I spread a thin layer of cream cheese frosting**. Don't worry if the crumbs blend in, no one will see it as it gets topped by Cool Whip then cherry pie filling. For the top layer, I use another thin layer of frosting** and another layer of Cool Whip, taking it out to the edge. You can easily pipe Cool Whip around the edge first making a corral for the top layer of cherries. Hazelnut pieces or almond slices can go around the edge of the piped Cool Whip. To transport the cake or prevent the layers from sliding, use several long wooden skewers placed in at an angle, almost forming an 'X' of sorts.

So there, that is my contribution to the culinary world. Please let me know if you try them or like them, or if you come up with new variations. Bon appetit!

Hot days & sweet nights

I don't want to brag about my oh-so-exciting life or anything, but I wanted to show you how I spent my day today. Please, refrain from fits of jealous rage and bouts of undeniable envy. (Ahem...)

This would be my homemade salsa. Proof that I do occasionally cook. The peppers look dark and weird because they were freshly fire roasted; they are not diseased.

Some assembly required.

Fully assembled.

This next little beauty is a Red Velvet Cherry Torte. I started with a recipe and tweaked a few things to make it more to my liking. Baking is way too exact for me, so you are most likely looking at my semi-annual cake. Quarterly cake if it's a busy year...

One helpful hint. Should you ever serve a red velvet cake you may want to keep in mind that the coloring will tint, um, various bodily excretions red. You may wish to tell this only to those you like. Let the rest squirm. And that is my helpful hint. Cake anyone?

After all the careful prep work and assembly, it would appear that the heat and humidity is lending a Burton-esque tilty look to it. Perhaps they call that 'melting'. Oh well - they'll eat it without pause; of that I am sure. I also learned that it is Chris Cornell's birthday (#41); I think he should come claim a piece from me directly.