Wicked with Whipping Cream

I'm hoping this post will put an end to my griping on this topic - at least for this episode. Go with it.

So I'm trying to keep this manic episode under control. Now that I realize it for what it is, I try to keep myself on a short leash. Granted, it may be a visciously studded leather one, but it fits the mood.


Here's the thing, after all these years you think maybe I'd recognize it sooner. I don't. In my mind I rationalize it by saying I was just busy, or motivated, or stopped being lazy. Riiiight.

Here's a few things I did that I tried to rationalize:

• Painted a drop-border in the living room. But I saw some molding that needed fixed (that I'd never noticed before yet I'm certain this was nothing new) and brought out the caulking. Then decided that I should spackle the top and bottom the entire way around the room because there was enough room to slide a piece of paper in - this really bothered me. No tools needed. At least not in my world. Just my fingers and a jar of spackling compound. Due to my new obsession with the repair, I made it look fantastic. Then I painted the molding and border with three coats of paint.
• Performed some basic car repair and pampering. I bought whatever additives I needed and poured it in every hole possible. Didn't even break a nail.
• Found a spider in my bedroom {shudder} and failed at trying to get it outside. Spent the next hour and a half actually searching for the multi-appendaged bastard because I wanted it gone. This happened at about 12:30am. Eventually I gave up and slept on the couch.
• Rolled just about every coin in this house. Came up with over $35, too. That should tell you how focused I was on that little task. Should have taken way longer but when you seem to be doing shots of jet fuel it's quick, quick, quick!
• Felt the need to purge my linen closet and bathroom of all products that may be expired. This included examining things like hairspray and hand lotion for expiration dates. I didn't even know how I ended up with some of the stuff; that's how long it had been there. But at that moment, it was my new crusade. Must do it. Now. Fast. Complete.
• List have been made to outline and organize my lists. Look folks, I suck at organization and spend most of my life just flying by the seat of my pants. It's just not me to have a list, then four auxiliary lists defining it. Besides, I lose them. Then I spend an hour trying to find them.
• At work I have made all the bins of vials full and even and the labels are facing out (kinda like that movie Sleeping with the Enemy). I have argued with my boss. I don't mean disagree, I mean argue. He yelled, I yelled louder. He said he'd talk to me when I didn't have an attitude or we could have this discussion in Human Resources. I told him I wasn't about to calm down so we'd better be on our way then. We never did go but he hasn't talked to me in two days. Short little fucker. He told me that the point I was addressing was something he didn't want to handle. I told him that was really too bad because it was his job! Yeah, he didn't like that either. I was standing in his office doorway and never bothered to close the door. The rest of the pharmacy heard this exchange but everyone was afraid to bring it up. Usually they can't get in your business fast enough. Just couldn't seem to find my 'now would be a good time to shut up' button. He deserved my wrath but most don't and get it anyway.

So all this is going on, plus the fact that I am sleeping less than usual (which always happens in a phase) and I wake up with severe jaw pain due to clenching/grinding at night. One day I'll get smart and put coal in there; I bet you I wake up with diamonds. So this is going on and whirling around me and I just don't seem to catch on. I swear, I'm the last to know. But now that I know I try to reel myself in. Don't always succeed but I try. And I have to get up in five hours (perhaps I should try sleeping before I try to get up...) to move furniture and have new carpet put in the living room. Then I get to put it all back. Surely I'll be convinced that I have superhuman strength and try to do it in record time. It's no wonder why when I come down and crash, I crash hard. I feel like a puppy that has exhausted itself chasing it's tail. Well, ok, a really mean, nasty, attack puppy. I might appear cute and fuzzy but just don't do anything to set me off. Unfortunately I don't even know what that is until it happens; hence the short leash. Come to think of it, this might be a good look for me.

Interestingly, someone told me today that I am sexy when I'm edgy. Hmmm, maybe they just haven't experienced a full manic phase in person. Or maybe I am sexy when I'm edgy... how should I know; I don't trust me a whole lot right now. =)