Hear Ye! Hear Ye! I have declared it completely and utterly illegal to wear your pants slung so low that I can see the crack of Dawn from a front view. Well, if your name is Dawn... otherwise fill in the blank with your own name.
I know for a fact that my ideas are not as antiquated as those of the Town Crier and the other individuals in the above picture yet I sort of feel that way. I am so sick of seeing both men and women wearing these pants. Low rise is one thing and although not flattering often times, not a problem. Super low rise is awkward. The Super-Duper-Ultra-Minimum-low rise that barely has enough fabric in the front for a puny button to cling on to let alone a zipper longer than the attached tab is going a bit too far. Too far south, actually. I do not care to see that much skin on anyone. I am not interested in seeing your pubic hair or the location where your pubic hair once was. Well, unless I'm dating you... then that's obviously a different story. I've seen women in these pants. I've seen men in these pants. Both very awkward.
When I sense this situation approaching me swathed in it's minimal fabric I tend to want to look away. Unfortunately it's like a magnet... this visual just draws my eyes over. Then I feel like I need to rinse my eyes with bleach. It's just gross. I feel like I've invaded your privacy yet that's exactly what you wanted. Don't get me wrong... everyone has a certain part of them that is a bit of an exhibitionist; I know I do. But that is the thing, most people don't force it on everyone else publicly. Or should I say pubicly? Well, I suppose maybe they do. I think I've been guilty of wearing shirts that uh, accentuate a certain part of my body but that is something that has gone on for years and years. I mean culturally, as a whole - not just me. No one even thinks twice anymore. Honestly, I don't have the body to wear this pants style but that has nothing to do with it because I'm not jealous in any way. Sensing that someone's short curlies are the only thing holding up their pants is a bit unsettling. Is it just me? Am I the only one that feels compelled to glance at this (and not in an admiring way)?
I'm not amish or a total prude. I guarantee that I have done things that would make many of you blush. On the flip side, there are things that many find acceptable that I shy away from. Call it my weird blend of what makes me, well, 'me', but I feel visually accosted when I see this. Optically assaulted if you will. They might as well walk up to me, straddle me and shove it in my face. I hope none of you wear these tacky items but if you do just know that this is directed at you and I will continue to make fun of you at every turn.
And if I see you on the street, I just might give a little tug at your belt loop and watch you scramble to pull them back up from your ankles.
Climbs off of soapbox, carefully tucking it aside for next time...
24 comments:
Hear hear! I'm with u on this one LiVEwiRe. And I dunno what they're like over the pond where you are, but here in Dublin the gals who wear those things are SOOOO not built for them. Especially not coupled with those tight little crop-tops, forcing rolls of blubber to wobble about twixt top and bottom. Yech!!!
nxxaz: My response to these walking fashion crimes.
Pretty soon the entire space between the legs will just erode into nothing and we will all be wearing chaps.
I suddenly feel like saddling up for a nice ride.
Fun post - Ben O.
Hear hear. You are so right. So right. Soooo right. (and my response shows that I could never hope to express it as well as you...)
someone finally said it! rock on sister!
indeed ...
they are for a certain person and on that single person on earth they look really good. yet i have them. i shouldn't, but they are the only things out there that are good goin-out-dancin jeans. and yet. here are the problems with them:
1. if they fit well, whatever's left pooches up over the beltloop.
a. time goes on and they loosen, and you spend the rest of the night hitching your pants up.
b. i must wear a thong or g string mit them, preferably with an attractive band, or go commando, guaranteeing self a permawedgie for the evening.
2. due to poochage and thongband revelation, up top i have to wear a tunic, a billowy one preferably, that hits my hips.
3. thus negating wearing them at all.
i think you refer to those who, despite all the proactive measures listed above, insist on the belly-baring halftop combo with them, in full defiance of their mirror and the world at large. unfortunately these jeans are 99% of what's out there amidst fashion denim.
(the pair i bought today have a nice wide "waist" or shall i say "hip" band which make them a little more bearable, hidden as it is under the billowy tunic. comfort is key.)
Terri - This side of the pond is just the same. Thing is, girls that wouldn't normally look bad all of a sudden look wide and bulgy! Yeah - and why always tight, cropped tops...?! (I, on the other hand, am wide and bulgy at all times...lol.)
Ben - If a trend toward chaps starts, I hope you take all the credit!
Anne - How I express it is just a combination of disgust, confusion and well, I have a soapbox. =)
Rose - Please sweetie, come over here, we are going to sit down and talk about clothing ok? {pats seat next to me} Lol... Why?!?!?! You are right - it takes massive effort to find something that does not fall into that category. With all the pooching and hitching up and perma-wedgies I just don't get it. But you sound like you at least go for a tunic and don't flash the world; although I'd hate to be pulling them up all the time. We've all given in to fashion at some point and I won't pretend that I'm any different. I'm sure your selection is appropriate!
Haha! I agree 100%. And very well sad, if I may add. ;)
If you're shaved I think it's fine, but if you aren't then it should be death!!
you said it. can't quite agree with you enough but i am nodding my head vigorously.
I also agree with you, but I know about 100 guys who will say "bring it on". Here in SA the craze has just started also and although it can look nice on someone tall & thin, it looks revolting on someone who would otherwize look stunning in a simple hipster type pants.
Wait, does this mean the ultra-baggy, pants-falling-down to your knees looks is out? If so, isn't this progress?
I'm too old and nerdy to notice anymore.
maybe there should be a law that only liceansed professionals could purchase certain clothing. The rest of us would have to consult with Carson Kressley to approve questionable outfits.
Hahaha... I had a good laugh at this one!
I am SO buying me a pair like the guy in the picture! LOL.
Oh and Lucy... you can tug me belt loop anytime.
(ps: the deleted comment was also mine)
Sheesh, ur just adding fuel to the fire with comments like that, Chitty... dare I ask if trousers like that would reveal this mythical tattoo of yours? OK 'nuff about that now, promise.
LW, I want ALL the juicy details ;-)
jnvxsfyi - Taiwanese version of Levi's
Goddess - Nice to see that I'm not the only one that thinks this way!
Bean - Lol...death? damn, you're harsh! =)
Transience - Vigorous nodding counts as double points!
Buddess - Yeah, I figure it'll be the guys that argue the point. Too bad peole get so caught up in what they are told to wear than what actually looks good on them.
eKapa - Dude, my apologies.... right! You love it and you know it! {wink} Hope you make it through the day...
Tom - No, unfortunately that craze is still going on. It would appear that no matter what we are going to have pants dropping off bodies. I wear scrubs to work, so I have no style! =)
Chitty - You? In those pants? Stunning! As far as this pirate girl tugging on your belt loops... argh; shiver me timbers! =) Gee, it's a good thing you deleted that first comment - I can only image what people might have thought! ;)
Lucy McGoldNugget - pirate wench of the cyber seas...
Greg - I saw your post! We were definitely on the same wavelength.
Sappho - Yeah, she really made them popular. Thing that bothers me is that 9 and 11 year old girls are wearing them. That's just sick. yeah, the intentional wardrobe malfunction... might be some money to be made there! OMG - your name is Dawn?! Lol...what luck!
Terri - That's ok, if Chitty's pant fall I'll cover his tattoo ... heh heh!
Heidi - Oh yeah - Marty... *sigh*. Perhaps Chitty IS Marty and I could do that all in one go! WooHoo! =)
Too true.
I'm very pleased you spotted the gleeful irony that is the closeness of "publicly" and "pubicly".
It's only one letter missing but it seems to fit the nature of the post sooo much better ! ;o)
Motor - It's just been bugging me, what can I say? I've seen too much...
Carpy - So you enjoyed my omission of the letter 'l', did you? {bow} It did fit; better than the original word and way better than these tasteless garments.
I wouldn't mind them so much if they suited more than 0.0001% of the population. To extend Justrose's comment - there's little point in wearing hipsters, unless you wear a shirt that exposes your midriff (and in the process, your love-handles). I have a hard enough time coping with my own love-handles, so I don't want to have to look at anybody else's.
[burvcl: - burial vehicle]
I agree eith you, Livewire...70% of my girl friends LOVE to wear their pants that low (then they bend over and their thong sticks out the back too). Lovely....JUST the thing I want to see)....NOT!!!
Kyknoord - Yeah, there's probably 4 to 6 people on the planet that could wear them appropriately. I can safely say I am not one of them. Are you implying that you don't own a pair of these?!
Stacy - lol... isn't it so nice of them to share that view with you! =) It would drive me crazy and I'd be tugging at them constantly. I mean mine, not theirs!
Sappho - I can only imagine! My name kind of has something connected with it as well and people just think they are sooo witty when revealing it to you. I can honestly say that I didn't know that was your name and I was referring to that crack, uh, literally. =)
flkzmo - What Stacy's friends' thongs do!
Well, of course I own a pair. I just don't wear them, unless I have to make a speech.
[xsidt - exercise idiot: a person who thinks hipsters will suit them if they spend more time at the gym]
Kyknoord - I knew that was you in the picture!
Hehe rant away. It's always great to hear you vent... in a nice way, of course.
*gets you a nicer soapbox colored with crayons*
Banzai - Wow. A new soapbox? Colored and everything?! Man, you're the best! *purr*
Luke - Even if you are as tiny as Kate Moss, I still have no desire to know that the short curlies are the only thing separating your dumb-ass pants from the floor. I've seen guys with low ones and they all look like they haven't eaten in two months. At least it hasn't been the super low ones. I'd be vomiting as well. That's just creepy.
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