Monday, October 03, 2005

We won't say a thing

while you give your life away...
Sunday morning I sort of woke up around four-ish and other than the fact that it was way too early, I could sense that something was in the midst of happening, even in my groggy sleep-deprived state. Unfortunately I must've been on a delay timer of sorts. I reached for my cell, garbled a barely coherent message in the direction of my mother's cell, shut the phone off, and attempted to regain my place in the hands of sleep...
Approximately eight seconds later I was crying and thinking of something that I had, only moments earlier, not realized was so close to the surface. I miss my city but what if she doesn't miss me? What if we've forgotten all the subtle nuances of the other? I'm not sure whether to say in spite of or due to better judgement, within a week or so I'll be back for a visit. My call to my mother was asking her to drive with me. I don't trust myself there alone, that's why I haven't been back in a couple of years. But my city, she's in my blood; and it was for the loss of her that I cried. I think they were tears acknowledging time that slipped away and a love that didn't.
1 Skyline, Pittsburgh, PA

2 View exiting Fort Pitt tunnel

3 PPG Place (Pittsburgh Paint & Glass)

4 View from West End Overlook

5 DL Convention Center

6 View of Point Park from the incline (used daily by commuters)

7 Built on hills means immense stairs

8 Cathedral of Learning - Pitt

9 Andrew Carnegie Library

10 Carnegie Art Museum - Statue hall

11 Phipps Conservatory

12 Benedum Center for the Arts

13 Station Square; shopping area

14 Station Square; originally a train station

15 Warhol Museum

16 Church 'restoration'; I was sick to see what they did...

17 Clayton/Frick Mansion

18 Mexican War Streets, Northside

19 Lionhead Apartment Building, Shadyside

20 Quaint house, quaint street

21 Old homes with stained and leaded glass; perfect

22 Home of Heinz! Pickles, ketchup and senators...

It's true, I'm afraid she's forgotten me. And when I go, it will be painful to realize that I've lost such a large and important part of my life. I never meant to forget, but I suppose it happens over time. I always want to return, but I'm not sure I could ever really go back. That is what I want to do after all, isn't it? Go back to a better place in time? All that may remain is an endless pull yet no actual way to ease the ache of 'what could have been'...

If anyone has really ready this far, you can visit the links to get info on anything that may have caught your eye.

17 comments:

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

Cities are wonderful places, aren’t they?
Apart from being an obvious collage of sights, places and structures, it is also where memories, moments, happiness and sadness reside.
Pittsburg seems a beautiful city and I am sure there are many beautiful memories locked up in her many facets. Just as I am sure that she has not forgotten you… because you still remember her.

Reluctant Nomad said...

What a beautiful city it is too! When did you leave? And why?

I'm sure you will feel at home again even though 'the past is a different country'.

You will have a great time re-acquainting yourself with the place.

kyknoord said...

If it's any consolation, I spent seven years away from Cape Town. When I returned, I spent a week absorbing the atmosphere and saying, "This is what I missed!" The following week, when all the niggling little annoyances began to return to haunt me, my tune changed to "Oh yes - and this is what I forgot".

The Prisoner said...

I wish i either lived in a city or thw countryside, both have their own staggering beauty, but no. i live in the endless, soul destroying english suburbs. i'd take anywhere over here any day.

LiVEwiRe said...

FM - Thank you. That was calming for me, which is just what I need in this instance. And I suppose this is all I can ever really ask: We'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now. Still trying to get all of the audio...

Chitty - They are wonderful places; little worlds all their own. It used to be considered an ugly city because of the steel mills. Over the most recent decades, they worked so hard to revitalize the area. It will always be my home in some way or another.

Nomad - Well, I left in 92 due to some family issues. At the time, I didn't realize what I had until a couple of months before I left; by then it was too late. I think it will be wonderful to spent some time getting reacquainted - I'm bringing a huge box of tissues for the tears and my Klonopin... of course!

Kyknoord - I have to laugh at your comment in a way... I'm already cynical enough to do that from step one. Nothing is all good or all bad; I do know that. I'll always be in love with that city even though I was ready to leave at one time. I think it's more what it represents. Maybe in a few months I'll try it with Capetown, too... =)

Prisoner - I think everyone has a bit of 'I'd take anywhere over here any day' in them. It's human nature. I think that's part of the reason I'd love to travel the world: a year here, a year there... to always go and see and do... somewhere else.

LiVEwiRe said...

FM - ps... if I get full audio that will be playing in my car's CD player as I drive there this weekend (or next). It might provide a needed source of strength.

Dr O2 said...

one's city enchants that person with invisible strings. It is so different & tranquil when one returns even after a century (not like I have tried this one ;-) ) anyways attachments are so strong not breakable by distance...

P.S: That's a marvelous city.

{illyria} said...

that kind of city bonds with your heart and soul. you will never truly leave it, or it, you.

LiVEwiRe said...

Dr O2 - I really love the way you worded that. And you are so right; they are invisible strings. Even the distance doesn't destroy them. Might have a couple more photos in the near future.

Transience - In some ways, that's exactly what I'm hoping. In another way, it is precisely what I fear. Guess I'm just always riding that line.

Memphis said...

I'd like to go home, too. Memphis is sure as hell not my home. But every time I go back I find everything has changed. An entire sub-city has sprung up in my abscense and people I know have moved in and been living there for quite some time. Where did this road over the mountain come from? This was never here. What? There's a whole freakin' city over here! When did this happen?!

I want to go home.

LiVEwiRe said...

Memphis Steve - Sounds like you know part of the reason I'm kind of afraid to go. I mean, we both know our 'places' didn't stop and freeze in time, yet we kind of expect them to. And when we want to go home, is it specifically to the home we knew as we left it? No matter what, I think you need a better place, definitely.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Those are gorgeous pictures!

LiVEwiRe said...

There might be a few from this weekend or next weekend, but not as gorgeous, I assure you! =)

Motormouth said...

refering to what the_prisoner said, the grass is always greener...
Although sometimes you really do live in a shittly little town when somewhere else would be better suited to you. That's the most important thing really, what type of place suits you. I think it's safe to say where I live doesn't suit me particularly. The images you put up paint a beautiful portrait of something that isn't nearly so common over here, which comes from being so much smaller. I think that I would like to live in the world those pictures create in my mind, but the reality is not always so true and clear, thanks to mankinds slavering devotion to the cause of destroying itself and taking mother nature with it. Still, anywhere is better than living in Chatham!

LiVEwiRe said...

Motor - Humans have a fabulous ability to destroy much of what they touch. There are places that at least try, which is always reassuring. And you know, it is about what you are suited to. I could love the look of one place but bould be mind-numbingly bored or have my nerves wrecked at every turn. Unfortunately, I just don't know where I want to be. Nowhere yet everywhere...

banzai cat said...

I like the look of your city.

I've been abroad a bit, seen some of the well-known cities of Australia and Europe (okay, 3 of each) and I've always known that I'll always be a city cat. Something to do with the fact that in non-city environments, it can get pretty dark out there. *freaked out*

I suppose that I'll never get bored with a city for long. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't mind taking a break somewhere you can feel the sand between your toes. :-)

"mogsv": the new British SUV

LiVEwiRe said...

Banzai - It will always be my city, whether I am there or not. Have you donr any posts on your travels? I'd love to hear about them. I so enjoy traveling but I think my favorite is small cities. Above all, it must be old. I love 'old' in a city - one of the reasons I love Europe.

I live in a very small town now and let me tell you, it can get pretty dark and scary (as for scary, that's just the people). Hey, all cats like a little sand in the toes, right?