I look forward to every other week. One week gives me the break that I so desperately need from you, the other provides the time to spend with you that I crave.
There was a time when I thought there was a chance but careful scrutiny then redirected that thought. The possibilities scared me a bit; I could see the future.
Eventually, I've come to hang my head in defeat. Somehow it's as if you sense this and draw closer. If you only had an idea of what two minutes of your hands on me really does to me.
So after the inner turmoil, part of me still wants you, but I don't want to want you. And you simply don't want me. Or do you?
Like I said, I look forward to every other week but I've yet to determine which one.
7 comments:
Sounds like a tough "choice" to make indeed.
Spiteful might-have-beens
Shred you slowly from within
Never letting go
Anne - Each week comes with it's own good and bad points. Now to figure out which wins out.
Kyknoord - Ah yes, that's the upbeat spirit!
I have come to believe that powerful expectations give the forces of chaos a powerful weapon to use to upset our individual applecarts.
peace
In the face of all this depth and wisdom I have but one thing to say:
Bummer!
OK 2 things... I love the way you wrote this post, it makes my heart break just a little.
Such a terrible battle--trust vs. mistrust. Openness vs. protection.
I feel for you. I wish I could give you a secret battle plan, but I don't know it myself. It probably doesn't exist.
Anonant - Hello, thanks for stopping by! In that case, I give the forces of chaos lots of room to do their job. I'm still learning the concept of when enough is enough.
Terri - It makes my heart break a little too, but at least I'm not fooled about the situation. Confused, yes - fooled, no.
Jason - Those are two huge things I battle, often concurrently. If there is such a battle plan it most likely falls under the 'trial and error' heading.
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