These sleep deprivation based hallucinations seem so real...

Wow. If I ever write a book (pamphlet, perhaps?) about all the oddball things that have happened to me, this latest one is sure to get honorable mention.

Just so you get the idea of where I am mentally let's keep in mind that in the past week I thought I was being burglarized, lost the 'quiet' I've had here for the past eight months, succumbed to bronchitis which robbed me of decent sleep due to all the coughing, then managed to sleep for one single hour last night. Needless to say, I felt like shit going in to work, then worked an hour and a half overtime; all I wanted to do was come home and sleep...

That should be your cue that something was amiss.

So I'm driving down Carson Street which is narrow, crowded, filled to overflowing with people and a hazard on a good day. It's the home to an extraordinary number of shops, restaurants, and bars. It's the latter two that are my concern on any Friday night so I typically take a parallel street for about 10 or 12 blocks until the sea of drunken madness subsides. But not tonight. Nope. It's 1:30am and I just want to go home and for some reason decide to go on Carson. In eight months I've only done that two other times on a Friday; that should say that my choice to go that way tonight was, well, just weird and really bizarre timing.

We're coming to traffic light number 984 and I glance in my mirror to see two guys on BMX-type bikes dodging traffic attempting to drive between opposing lanes of traffic. Annoying but typical. As I'm slowing down, Drunk Guy A on my side of the street sees his friend, Drunk Guy B on the other side of the street and yells to him. Drunk Guy B, being drunk and stupid, rushes headlong into traffic and right between the two guys on bikes. The first one makes it but the second one swerves to avoid Drunk Guy B. Then proceeds to slam, bike and all, into the side of my car with him flipping over the handlebars, his arm flailing about inside my window while I'm still moving! Who ever thinks they are going to get hit with a flying body?!?! Well, I'm here to tell you, don't rule it out.

As it would happen, there was a police officer right there and he made me pull up onto the sidewalk, detained the guys on bikes and ran down Drunk Guy B in the crowd. It was determined that they were ok and he noticed that my car was all marked up from the collision with the bike. I told him I didn't care about that so much as the guy that slammed into it. Thankfully he was ok but by that time I was considering choking the life out of them both. After knowing they were ok, more than anything, I wanted to avoid the officer asking for my driver's license... I do not have a valid license for this state, only Ohio. As a resident here, I'd be in big trouble for not having it as I was already cautioned on the subject during one of our lovely random DUI checkpoints. Then I'd have to explain why my car's plates are still from Ohio. Keep in mind, I was coming from work - no way I could say I was just visiting. Most people don't just hang out in hospital scrubs with a photo ID badge around their neck from the hospital down the street. Oh, there would be fines galore! Nope officer, things are just fine, no problems with the car, the scuff marks give it character don't you think, don't you worry one bit, thanks for your help, ok, I'm leaving now, see ya... whew!

You know, someone recently commented that strange things come my way. Uh, ya think? I'm pretty sure flying bodies fall into that category. So, after that adrenaline rush I probably won't get any decent sleep tonight either.

Oh the joys of being me. On the bright side, it saves one of you from having to do it!