I don't think so...
My normal morning routine went woefully wrong and has most likely earned me another 6 months on the couch along with a permanent seat at the local chapter of Phobias-R-Us.
So there I am, around 8am driving to work. For some reason I decided to glance in the rear view mirror, not to look at the rear view, but to look at me. Yeah, I don't know why, but that's what I did. I happened to see that my hair looked really strange on top like it was sort of sticking up in a little dome shape. At first I just figured it was because my windows were down and my locks were at the mercy of the wind. This is the point where it should occur to you that if that were the case, there would be no blog post...
Going about 50 miles an hour, heading toward a rather large lake, with the morning sun in your eyes is not, I repeat not the time to discover that there is an extremely large spider perched atop your head! In light of my particular loathing of the little multi-legged beasts, I took account of the situation in an amount of time that can only be accurately measured in nanoseconds. While driving, I managed to tilt my head and fling the bugger off as I'm being careful to not smoosh him (gross), injure him (I'd feel bad...) or anger him (lest he come directly for my jugular). There was also no way I was taking my eyes off of him so I took a piece of paper, looked in the mirror, flung him on the floor and gave a sigh of relief because I was still aware of his location. He had the audacity to walk up the passenger door, across the dash and sit right there in front of me. The little bastard was staring me down! Well, either that or mooning me... all sides look alike. So, we get to a stop sign, and I take my trusty piece of paper and try to scoot him out the window. His plans are not in direct agreement with my plans and he bungee jumps off the driver side door on the inside; right at my feet. Panic ensues... I've lost sight of the crafty little thing. I had no choice but to move from the stop sign and drive. For the next 4-5 miles I was sure he was planning his attack from an invisible bunker, eyeing up the open pantleg to my scrubs as if it were the portal to all that is holy to a spider. That was an unsettling 4-5 miles, let me tell you.
So I stop to pick up my morning iced Frappuccino and praise the Frap gods that I made it alive, sans unprovoked (hey, he started it!) arachnid attack. I looked on the floor, the seats, the doors, the roof - no sign of him. Whew. Upon my return, I did another inspection and he appeared to be gone, which in spider-speak means 'hiding'. I figured I could make the next 4 miles to work without incident so I slid into the car once again but stopped - one leg poised half in and half out. Now there was no doubt that this had become personal. There he perched right on my panel, somewhere between Full and Empty on my gas gauge, waiting for the most inopportune moment to reach out and touch me. Again, the paper scooted him along and I managed to get him out of my car and watched as he ambled away from me.
I think maybe I ran him over as I left. Meh, oh well.
17 comments:
That is insane!
Spiders, huh? Could be worse; most spiders can't actually puncture human skin. And be glad for your windshield - I don't have one on my bike, which once allowed a wasp to become trapped in my undershorts at 18mph. Now I understand why tighty-whiteys were invented...
Was he as big and scarey as my spider?
I got stung by a bee once while I was driving and almost crashed.
Miss Muffet, your courage in the face of the eight-legged onslaught is truly inspirational. I think Beelzebabe and I are on a similar wavelength, because spiders make me fill my trousers and scream like a little girl.
Fantastic recounting.
I'm particularly impressed by your first reaction...
Hate spiders... screw the bad karma and balance in the universe, my instinct would be to kill. And kill, I would have.
I tip my hat to you... you saved the eensy weensy spider.
I know a fly somewhere who does not agree with you, what with that whole foodchain thing going on.
:O) you know... No matter how much I learn about biology and insects, I still have this fear of touching them.
Not a horrible fear, but enough to make me steer clear of them. And having them land on my face at night in the dark while I am sleeping? Still the kind of thing that makes me freak out for an hour.
Ah yes, our little arachnid friends. I don't mind them, so long as they're outside, it's when they are inside- be it the house or car- that they bother me. One time I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I heard a little "plunk!" on the pillow next to me. It was the largest spider I'd ever been witness to, as the plunk noise can attest to. So yeah, I leaped up and did the little "ew ew ew ew" dance for a while, and then turned back only to find him vanished. I never did find the bugger...
See thats bad, because he is now likely to be found in one of the worst places such as in food, in underwear drawer, or in a shoe.
Beelze - No, I'm the one people refer to when they are recounting a bizarre tale and refer to 'this friend of a friend...' - yep, that's me.
Kevin - OMG! A wasp? I suppose biking has more perils that I'd originally thought.
Skrambled - Oh hell no! I'd still be in the shower getting all the spider cooties off. (I swear, I was going to link to your blog for that pic!)
Kyknoord - Miss Lucy McGoldNugget Muffett? Kind of has a ring to it... I hate the buggers too, but when I scream like a girl, well, it kind of loses something.
Anne - Recounting was no problem as the vile experience has been seared into my brain.
Chitty - I'm too scared to kill them. With my luck my personal hell would then be filled with all the spiders I've 'offed' over the years!
Alex - They are fascinating, but I'm a wimp with spiders. Hey, maybe he'd have made a great specimen for the SEM! =) When I think of them touching me at night, I want to tape gauze over my nose, mouth and ears... I swear!
Hans - You heard it? Oh. Gawd. Did he have boots on? I kind of did the 'ew ew ew' dance just reading about it! Just like Alex said, you never know where they'll resurface. Crazy thing is, a couple of years ago I actually held a tarantula. It only lasted 5 or maybe 10 seconds, yet I'm not sure that my heart beat even once during that time. It was voluntary and it felt nowhere near as horrible as I thought it would. Just looking at me holding it was so wrong though.
Sounds like you coped rather well, instead of panicking and crashing the car. I don't mind spiders myself, and I always end up being the one that disposes of them, and by that I mean out of the window, not killing them. I usually just pick them up as well, I don't know what all the fuss is about, although it does give me the opportunity to chase people with them(hehe)which is fun.
I think I'd have stuck my head out the window. At which point, no doubt, said spider would spin some of the super thread, attaching it self to my self thusly creating a kind of amusement park ride for spider's feature a sputtering human trying desperately to keep her hands on the wheel as she drives on with her head out the window.
In the end, the gentle paper prodding an exit was the right choice. I commend you.
Spiders look much worse under magnification! They are generally tame from a distance, but up close the many eyes and huge fangs look bad.
Jenn See - It was rather wretched. I suppose if I were a cat I'd have used up one of my 9 lives due to the fact that I didn't wreck.
eKapa - Your limits of bravado are tested by your neighbors; no need to add spiders into the mix for you!
Motor! Ick! You touch them? {thud} Hehe! I have no problem with sankes or mice or other things, but spiders are just too damned fast to be trusted. No matter how tempting, please don't chase me! =)
Jennifer - Hi there! You do know that should this ever occur again, I will be thinking of that! I probably would have stuck my head out the window but in my panic, forgot to actually roll it down first...
Alex - But that is fascinating! And pics move alot slower. =)
I am so there, I hate those mutant bastards!
Heidi - That is exactly what I'm saying... HE started it! =)
Broomhilda - Unfortunately, I live right on a rather large lake and the nasty things are everywhere!
Happy New Year!
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