WTF is wrong with me? Rhetorical? Yes? No?

I am going to sort of self analyze here. Considering it is almost 11pm and I'm in a room myself, I don't think the houseplant is really going to be helpful so I don't have much of a choice.

All of a sudden, I am sinking into this depression. Not one I can't get out of, like a passing thing. Trust me, I can tell the difference. This time it's different, though. I see many parts that are making up a whole. Unfortunately it's a whole lotta shit, but I can handle it for I am stubborn.

Variables:

• Few days off from work (ok, 7!) in which not one fucking thing has gone as planned other than the fact that I am not at work. Still, I SO need to get away.
• Family stress; typically a given in one way or another.
• Sick cat - $500 so far; outcome unknown.
• Question of knee surgery.
• Still finding no locale on the map where I fit.
• Being away, I realize how much I really hate the way my job is going.
• Vacation plans falling through because of cat, family issues, etc.
• But because of that, I've been able to talk with a friend at length.
• Sometimes you don't realize how much you've given up until one day someone comes along and reminds you that some people can be worth it, no matter how impractical.
• And of course sleep is still fleeting.

There are so many emotions running through me right now that I feel like Duncan MacLeod in the Quickening. Good, bad improbable, helpless, angry, happy... you name it, it's there. But then why doesn't Duncan seem to want to curl up and have a good cry?!?! And no, we're nowhere near PMS time. I think it's just sensory overload. Well, that combined with wanting my life to move forward but stumbling so.

That's it. That's all I've got. Therapy session over.

!