Okay, so I have this weird thing that has been currently bugging me... today it is the avian species.
For quite some time I have been unable to directly look at or acknowledge things that really bother me on a certain level. (I would take the time to explain what some of these things are, but it will make me sound cold, when in fact I feel this way because I kind of go into 'feeling overload'. It is the exact opposite but I'll feel the need to defend my thoughts and that is a crummy place to be in, so I shall refrain.) There are days that it comes upon me suddenly and other days where I can sense it's presence miles away. Today was one of those days.
Long ago I learned to turn my head and not look anywhere near an animal that had been hit near the road. Not because I can't stand the blood, but because I'm afraid I'll see it move. A stiff wind teamed with a flouncy squirrel tail has incited near heart attack conditions on more than one occasion for me in the past. Yes, in this instance I startle easily. My fear of this stems from several bad experiences in seeing a wounded roadside animal that was just hit. Trust me when I say that the images will haunt me forever. I've always loved animals, but some of this is based (in addition) on my contempt for humans as some of the things I saw were done out of carelessness and worse, some on purpose.
Sometimes, you can't turn your head though. This morning on my way to work, I saw 2 wild ducks hit on the road. One male, one female - easily noted by their feather patterns and colors; sweet little couple out for a morning stroll. They were directly across from a farm with a pond and it is known that they have tons of geese and ducks, domestic and wild. Anyway, they could not have been more than 3 feet apart from one another and they were directly in the path of the cars tires. Is it so hard to stop or slow down? I'm figuring there was no attempt to swerve either due to their positioning. My eyes caught sight of it before I could reroute them and avoid it. It was a windy morning. I'm not sure if feathers moved but I'd prefer to think of it as a direct result of the wind if they did. People are selfish idiots. Now the second incident involved a rather pretty yet unfortunate bird that met it's demise by flying into my patio window. I managed to miss it when I got home from work, but I saw it shortly thereafter. Again, with the wind, I didn't know if the feathery movement was voluntary or weather related. I managed to just grasp for the poor thing and found that it was in fact dead. Talk about a sigh of relief...
If you don't understand why this is so traumatizing for me, maybe you can try this. Imagine the scenario of the little bird I just told you about. Now when you pick it up, imagine that you are met with a weak squawking, lolling head, horribly bent wing, and partial paralization. Now imagine the terror it must be feeling in addition to pain. Now... what do you do? Do you leave it to suffer or do you bring death swiftly. And if so, how? Are you guaranteed it'll work? You are last thing it will know. Lots of considerations. Too many for me - which is why it overloads me and I try not to look. No, it doesn't change the fact of what has occured, but it may save me quite a bit of anxiety. There is a line in a movie (Kill Me Later) where Selma Blair, hard-edged as she may be at times, thinks back to why she is like she is... says she always wanted to peel the worms off the sidewalk to save them. I can identify. After peeling off so many worms it gets to you. It is overload and your remaining sanity may hinge upon avoidance of one the things you held most dear.
Besides, doesn't it bother you? The way I talked about the blatant disregard with the ducks? What about the responsibility and final kindness for the bird? Doesn't part of this ring true of how we interact with other humans?!? Can you really count on your fellow humans to treat you with much more respect than they would of these avian creatures? Just think about it; I'm not really looking for an answer to that. I think what upsets me the most is that I don't see so much of a line between the bird/human opportunity here. The potential for it stares us in the face every day with stories on abuse and neglect, yet for some reason most people tend to think it is completely unrelated. It is linked though, with patterns of behavior and acceptance of things that should be acceptable in no circle of life. These things remind me how fragile everything is and it can be a painful glimpse sometimes. I suppose that is what I'm getting now.
I'm stopping now as I had no idea I'd go on this long. This bothered me more than I'd even realized. Hmmm... I'm off to patrol the sidewalks.... even if it kills me in the end.
7 comments:
I think it's only a small step from people mistreating or killing animals to doing the same to people. If people can treat helpless animals like that there's something twisted or missing in them, so it's not that hard to imagine them treating people just as bad. This may be a stretch for some people to accept, but I belive it's only a matter of degree.
That's quite a majestic post.
I was going to ramble on about agreeing and my thoughts on this but, well, you've sumed it all up so well that mine would be redundant.
Well said....
I completely agree with you...people are idiots. We have a guy that lives across the street from us who has lots and lots of chickens and they're always over in our yard (which doesn't bother me at all). The other day, I was outside letting Jezebel out for a pee break and I saw a beautiful rooster crossing the road. I went around the side of the house with my dog for just a few minutes (several cars went down our road), I come back to the front of the house to go inside and there's the beautiful rooster, laying in the middle of our road...dead. Now the speed limit is only 25 MPH on our street. Why couldn't the person who hit him just slow down a little more and let the rooster cross instead of mowing him down??? It infuriates me.
Sorry I rambled but you hit a nerve here...:)
Yes livewire, it seems you've struck a nerve with all of us on this topic. And as far as abuse of animals go, they usually find that serial killers and such have a strong link with torturing and/or killing small animals, so I think there's something to the notion that these people have problems. Also, in cases of spousal/family abuse, they find that the perpetrator often threatens and harms the abusee's animals to get to them.
In our psych class, we had a discussion about the use of animals in experiments, and the American Psychological Institute bases its animal testing guidelines on the fact that "human life is intrinsically more valuable than animal". Why is that so? What gives us the authority to be their god? I am of the impression that "with great power comes great responsibility", since we have the cognitive power to realize what we are doing, we are the ones who should be held accountable for our actions.
Anyway, sorry this turned into such a long and redundant post...
And I didn't rescue the worms, but I always rescued the tadpoles from the drying pools. I even cried when my favorite tree got cut down (you can tell I'm the product of being raised by hippies).
First, a big thanks to everyone for understanding my yammering on their own level.
John - You are right, there is something missing with certain people. Sad yet scary. And it is only a matter of degree.
Carpy - I thank you, but you know you are always to welcome to disagree with me or repeat what I say ... I do it to myself all the time! =)
Valhalla - You are right, it is easier to not care but only for some. For me it is easier to care, because that is what I'm drawn to, yet it is much harder emotionally.
Stacy - I'm good at hitting nerves =) This is a tough one and you are welcome to ramble or vent here any time. I figured you'd get it - and with the unfortunate incident you witnessed, it just boggles the mind, doesn't it?!
Hans - Yeah, the psych classes really pull it together. Tends to be one of the topics that sparks the most discussion and heat. The link with what people will do to animals as a 'starter' course is so disturbing and is one of the reasons I find things this so upsetting. Well, that and the fact that I'm a bit of a sap! =) You know what else? I'd forgotten about the tadpoles! I used to patrol the area looking for them on summer days... It really does start at a young age, doesn't it? And I loved your 'comment-post', no need to apologize.
This post definately ruffled my feathers... no pun intended. I am with you all the way. It is nice to know there are like-minded ppl out there.
Chitty - You are right, it does make me feel better when I know that others find topics such as this important. As far as ruffling 'feathers'...lol! Such an excellent word choice!
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