That is precisely where I am .
My nights have been avoidance; my days have been spent soaking in an invisible azure tinted with rotting black. It seeps deep into my core, or perhaps that is where it emanates from. So hard to say anymore.
I am the antichrist with a little less charm, I am the scared little girl lost and crying. The losses register, the words still sting. Melancholy abounds, entwined with the desire to be comforted, yet I keep my feet moving away. Away. From you. I make it my punishment.
If I could separate from myself, I would. Just for a while. Until the words come to be right again. Until I could believe in them again. I believe more in mine than I do in yours and that isn't saying much right now. For either of us.
When I am crawling out of my skin in an ethereal molt, staring over the precipice, I hope that I would be able to recognize my salvation and reach out to it. Or perhaps, by some form of unseen justice, it will reach out for me.
I am tired of fighting. But I'm too stubborn not to. Unfortunately my fight is sometimes with myself, not just you.
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7 comments:
I love it, this is a perfect piece. Your writing is so accessable, probably for everyone.
Hans - thanks for the compliment. When I start a post, 98.23% of the time, I have no idea what I'll write... so it all just flows out.
Beelze - Grabbing cocktails AND mens pants? With men still in them? What time should I pick you up? =)
eKapa - You are coming for a drink with us... get your coat!
" I am tired of fighting. But I'm too stubborn not to."
I've been doing it too, for different resaons, and can identify with you on this. There is comfort in doing what you know (even when it is negative)and not doing it leaves a void. Besides if I stop, I am afraid I may disappoint those who have come to depend on me being the way I am... hehe.
I get the "my fight is sometimes with myself, not just you".
Oh yeah...I get it.
That sounds like a perfect description of the way I feel every Monday morning! :) Nice writing, I enjoyed it...if that is okay to say about a melancholy post.
Chitty - That's right... we have reputations to uphold, right? Right!
Stacy - I'm glad you can identify with that part. Well, unfortunately it means you've been there. I think we can all be our own worst enemy without even trying.
Carl - You need better Mondays! And thank you, I'm pretty sure the rule book says it is ok to enjoy melancholy things.
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