I just said 'no' to drugs. Harharhar. No seriously, I told my doc's secretary to pass on info to him that I would not be taking the original hell-bender med he prescribed after very careful consideration. I gave her a few reasons and even she was understanding. I told her I'd like to pick up the prescription for the alternate medication and she said it was already written (how weird) and I said I wanted the initial script to be written for a starting dose of 20mg rather than the 30mg that he wrote it for, even though he may consider it subtherapeutic. If I'm going to react to a med, I'd rather have it be to a lower dose! I should be able to pick it up tomorrow and get it filled the next day.
Both he and my therapist will say that going for treatment then not accepting it ('it' being the possibly life-wrecking med) is part of the BPD. Fuck that, it's called 'not trying to harm myself further'. My reasons are solid and I will defend them to the end. These meds can be very, very harsh. You try hallucinating for half a day after three miniscule dose tablets and tell me that you'll just open your mouth and pop them all in without question. Or try tying on a 10 day 'drunk' after just five low dose tablets of a new med; you can't see, you slur, no driving - it's truly like you're drunk. After your name, it says MD, PhD.... not GOD, so don't give me shit. You are not all knowing. I know my body better than you do.
Hopefully soon I can start these and see where it takes me. A little help would be nice, even if it's in the form of a capsule. =) Let the transition begin. I think my doc understands me, even if he doesn't agree with me - and I appreciate that.
Oh, I'll have to tell you what I did for mommy's birthday and I'd like to post a pic or two so I'll need to do the 'cell phone dance' to get it to transfer the pics. Seriously... number 9 could be right around the bend...lol.
xoxo
9 comments:
Wow, and without a 12-step program and all! ;-)
Seriously though, good for you. I think too many people accept doctors' opinions too easily. I believe we have a responsibility to take an active interest in our health and choosing not to risk certain meds is part of that. Knowing your body and doing your own research is another part. (In fact I actually wrote an as-yet-unpublished article on that very subject.)
If your doc did Not understand, I'd recommend you got a different doc! He doesn't have to agree, but being able to discuss it as adults is the first step in getting the treatment right. Right?
You know your body and your mind. Your doctor should listen to you.
And I'm here, and reading, even if I don't comment. And sending good energy.
Terri and Jarvenpa - Thanks to both of you lovely gals! For the record, this has turned into a pissing contest apparently. I think I offended him. God forbid I should question his authority. Anyway, he refused to write for the 20 mg dose to start with. A few messages back and forth and I told his secretary that I'd make the appointment he was pushing for, to discuss the same things we'd discussed last week if it makes him happier. Then we will either fix this or I find a new doctor. I am not about to keep a doctor that will not put my safety and well-being first. He has one chance to give me a good reason why he is now delaying my therapy another week and giving me a hard time. If he takes more than three minutes to make his argument, I'll most likely get up and leave because there will be nothing else to say. There are always other doctors.
And another thing... I work in pharmacy - this is my current career. I cannot magically 'unknow' what I know. I did not read the info and decide to refuse because I didn't want an upset tummy, I read the info, and thankfully understood the gravity of the situation... if I took that first med, my heart could stop, I could become diabetic, and it could exacerbate several conditions that I already have. Even stopping the meds may not make the diabetes (or possible tardive dyskinesia) go away! These weren't things I was just picking and choosing to be a baby, I have risk factors to begin with and taking the first med was like adding fuel to a fire. Not to mention my propensity toward reactions. So I agreed to the second, just at a lower dose for ONE month to verify I had no reaction. Apparently he's trying to prove he has the bigger penis. Whatever. Boys can be such babies. And I guarantee you that he will try to blame this on my 'disorder'. Fuck the disorder dude, I'm trying to stay alive and cause LESS harm to myself. I'd say that's pretty fucking sane if you ask me. {gets off soapbox} =)
"Boys can be such babies."
mwahahahahahaha!
Ne'er a truer word was spoken :)
When I refused certain meds once, my doctor said 'why do I feel like I'm on transmit but no one is recieving'. Still refused and got complementary therapy instead which helped a great deal more than screwing with my brain chemistry (I also have big issues with dependency).
You did the right thing. Your gut instinct, coupled with intellegent research, is far more important to follow than some high falutin medic not willing to listen to your concerns.
Good luck with the meds. GD x
Terri - Sometimes that seems like what it all comes down to! =)
GD - OMG, if someone said that to me (which they may by weeks end), I probably would have flipped! I'm glad you stuck to your guns, especially knowing the dance that can happen with dependency. Granted, I'm sure they have lots of patients that want an immediate fix or are never happy with what the doc says. Then there are people like us, for example. We know we have quirks/issues/circumstances that need to be handled carefully and actively take a role in doing that. Unfortunately all the other idiots tainted the doctors' minds before WE got there. Then there's the God Complex thing... *sigh*. We'll make it. We're too stubborn not to...lol. ;)
"You are not all knowing. I know my body better than you do."
I don't think you appreciate what a profound statement this is.
the medication that my ex-husband was taken a few months ago nearly drove him completely looney tunes. he was having such vivid hallucinations all through the day and night, to such an extent that they were changing his personality.
eventually we all saved up and sent him to see a well-known and revered neuro-surgeon here ... one of the first things he said that only my ex-husband could decide what was best medication for him in the end. it was HIS body and only he could say what was happening when he took the drugs. thankfully, they took him off a lot of the meds that were causing the problems and he's a lot better now. if you remember my ex has Parkinsons.
I hope you are doing well my dear, i often think about you and sorry that i don't visit here enough.
TPFKaLuke - You know, drugs for Parkinsonism are really hard, heavy hitters. They make people reconsider which is worse, the drug effects or the Parkinsons. That has to be such a tough call. I know your medical system is much different but I'm so glad he opted to get another opinion, even though I'm sure it involved considerably more time and money. Thank you for supporting the idea of the patient knowing their body best. And yeah, I should be better at swinging by your place but, well, you know me. I'm erratic at best but I mean well. ;)
Post a Comment