Something that I'm 'for'

It's actually taken me a full week to write this post but I have my reasons. Maybe I'm still processing the event, which is very likely.

See, for some people, they make plans and go about those plans unimpeded. That's not the way things are for me, but I'm ok with that; it's just my life, that's all. When something that is important to me does finally work, I can't help but to be in awe. I almost take on this very silent (speaking may break the spell), afraid to blink (it may be gone), almost shy demeanor.

Last Friday, that was me all the way. I finally got to see Matthew Good perform. Even now I'm in a bit of a hazy state thinking about it. I've followed his music for years then went on to read his blog. This is the blog I always link to and I do so for several reasons. Of course you can check out his music, random photos he's taken, and read posts penned by contributing authors as well as take in his views spanning music, observations of human nature, culture, global politics, humanitarianism, and whatever else comes along. This is a boy with alot to say. Which is not to say that I agree with everything, but much of it gives me a new perspective.

There is something about him. The first time I heard him I was hooked. His music has gone through changes throughout the years as have many things in his life. He speaks candidly and in some way, it almost makes you feel as if you are part of this real friendship even though logic says that you aren't. It's almost as if he can't help drawing you in but ultimately keeps most things at a distance. When I learned that he was recently diagnosed as bipolar, how could I not laugh just a little?! Perhaps this is why his personality has appealed to me for so long.

When the fog cleared and the lights came up and Matthew Good was standing less than a dozen feet away from me, I think I was stiff as a board. This person was now undoubtedly real and for a while had this off detatched look in his eyes. The kind that makes you think something is wrong or that they are just going to up and leave. But he stayed. And he played. And sang. Solo acoustic. His voice has the clarity, strength and presence to go head to head with any studio recording. I was blown away.

He spent some time just going back and forth with audience comments and it would seem that he also has a very bold, silly, but dry sense of humor. For a few moments, all the intensity that he harbors just melted away and he was visibly happy just goofing off for a few minutes. And there we were, just two people between us. I was hoping that some of his 'whatever it is' would make it's way over to me and rub off on me.

This wasn't 'just going to a concert'. This was me finally getting to have the experience of sharing time with a person that I greatly admire. To hear his silliness. To see, when he sang, which songs meant the most to him. To be a part of something orchestrated by someone who I can say I look up to. In some ways, this was a defining moment.

I'm trying to make it to one of the shows in Canada now. No one knows what will happen in the future. He may never tour again. I may lose my hearing. We don't know. So I'll willing to spend what I have to make it to just one more show. Momentarily, I wasn't merely 'happy', I was literally taken away to a place I thought I'd all but forgotten how to get to.