However, I got an email from my mother this morning that, well, let's just say I'm glad I peed before I read it. Here is the email:
- It's positively time for a new phone when... You dial the cable company and the voice answering says - 'hi, let's have some fun'.
The buttons on her phone don't want to work properly and somehow she got some phone sex line. (I wondered if it was just another service offered by our cable monopoly known as Comcast.) Now, to get the significance, you'd have to know my mother. She is by no means puritanical but things like that really throw her. For years, I'd never say 'fuck' in front of her. When it finally slipped out, you'd have thought that my speech patterns were the reason for the impending downfall of civilization as we know it. Had she been religious, she no doubt would have blessed herself and grabbed the rosary praying for the soul of her only child. (She tells me she thinks I'm 'above' that. Yeah ma, think again.) Yeah, well, she's not like that but she is the most expressive and animated person I've ever known. Her reactions are almost cartoon-like. I tell her that I often see her eyebrows hovering over her head, not on it, just like in cartoons. I would have loved to have been there when that call connected just to see the look on her face. Of course now I told her I'd like to scan her phone bill for other 900#s... =)
Ok, off to solve the mystery of the deflating bed. If only Shaggy and Scooby were here...
And I haven't forgotten about my tag Mr. Cat... hopefully tomorrow! =)
23 comments:
No, no, no, we want to hear more about that "conversation"!
I hope you sleep better soon, or at least don't wake up on the floor. Unless...
hmm - so this does happen to other people - i'd wondered - for a while there everytime i tried to call my mom at work i got the 9-1-1 emergency line... it was not fun explaining that one...
i too hope you sleep better - inflate? sound like you need a bicycle tire repair kit...
Hope your bed hasn't sprung a leak. Happened to The PK and I once and we did indeed end up on the floor the next morning!
That story with your mom is pretty damn funny!
I think you may have just inspired one of my next blog posts with that story...The PK's best friend once played a joke on him involving phone numbers...and I was there at the time. That was pretty funny too...:)
Hi LW been trying to catch up on my blogging - glad you sound a bit happier in this post despite the deflatable, I mean inflatable bed thing ;-)
Just be glad it's not a water-bed...
Anne - I think the rest of the conversation went a little like this..."click". =) I might be on the floor in the morning, things aren't looking good.
Mysfit - Yeah, 911 does not take kindly to non-emergency calls. Especially to mom! I have an awesome inflatable bed that is almost as comfortable as my regular bed. It's even high. Or, it WAS high. Instead of moving my bed down for a 6 month lease, then having to move it again, I went this route. Was great until now.
Stacy - I think it may have a leak and I have no idea how it happened! I think I'll just try to exchange it and get a new one. Yeah, mom was shocked! =) So, how did the PK take this phone number joke?! I'm not sure if he'd have seen it as half as amusing as you guys did!
Terri - Welcome back! I'm definitely deflating. Tomorrow morning should find me nestled in a mooshy mess that I can't get out of! And I am very happy it's not a waterbed! =)
That's odd... I'm sure I saw your mother's name in the credits for The Osbournes as 'Language Consultant'.
This is so funny. Glad to see your sense of humour is still with us. You paint a pretty picture of your mom. I can only imagine what she looked like during that conversation. Never the mind the image I got of you sprawled half on the floor and half on the deflating bed with a total look of W.T.F? on your sleepy face.
An inflatable bed? Cool. Fill it up with air and put it in a tub, and watch for bubbles! Tada! I'm a genius and I nose it!
The PK was shocked.....and actually called the number again to make sure he got it right the first time.
Until we finally figured out that certain letters on the phone are on the same number.
His friend told him if he called 1-800-MY-PUPPY, they'd send him a free 5 pound bag of dog food. Well, if you look at the phone, 1-800-MY-PUPPY also spells 1-800-MY-PUSSY.
And they sure as hell aren't selling dog food, I'll tell you that! ;)
You seem to be in a MUCH better mood today. See, it's always mother that gets her baby smiling again. :-)
That was very funny! No, not me, you and your story.
sounds like you found a way to swallow that giant prozac! hehehe
I have a solution to your bed problem... fill it with water instead of air... then put it outside for the day.... when you go to sleep tonight it will be frozen and will take a WAY longer time to 'deflate'
aren't I helpful?!
wao,cannot imagin my mom agetting that kind of message..pfflol...
pee..pee again,..hmmmmmm :-/..
This IS funny. Made me think of the time my mom, bless her, asked me "what exactly is safe sex??" (you may now imagine a very interesting conversation--she was newly divorced at the time, after a very long marriage).
I'm still up for checking out your astrological things; perhaps your mom recalls the exact time of your birth (or it may be on your birth certificate).
The thing with your mom and the phone sex hotline is hilarious! LOL
Kyknoord - I was hoping no one noticed her name there...
Buddess - I would have PAID to see the look on her face! As far as the look on my face? WTF definitely is accurate! The bed (or now-saggy-vinyl-sack) is going back this weekend. Hopefully for a replacement as I don't fancy sleeping on the floor.
Bean - Lol... although my tub isn't large enough to hold it, I could always take it down to the river...
Stacy - That's brilliant! I must remember this! I'm guessing he was NOT amused! Yeah, no dog food... not even cat food... =)
Nomad - Yeah, leave it to mom to make me laugh. At her expense! =) She did get a good laugh, too. (And no you can't have that number...)
Kitty - Swallowing it myself or artfully placing it up the appropriate person's ass will have the same effect!!! And how did you know I like to sleep on a more firm mattress?!?! That should definitely do it! =)
Foulla - I was kind of surprised that she even admitted to getting that response! She knew it'd make me laugh!
Jarvenpa - Oh no! Now THAT would be an awkward discussion! Wow, kind of makes me squirm just thinking about it! =) I'm going to ask my mom about the time... thank you so much for offering to look into it. I really appreciate it! Well, that is IF she'd not busy on the phone sex lines... =)
Jeff - The best part is that she called a second time when she thought she misdialed the first time. Lucky her... two smutty comments... =)
Lindsey Wagner says: Buy a damned Sleepnumber Bed and make me some money!
popping by to say hi ...
zThe reference to your mom had me laughing. I can only imagine my mom in a similar situation. She would sprinkle holy water on the phone.
As for the waterbed... I warned you about those stilettos.... hehehe... (sorry, just couldn't help meself):)
That's funny. Are you sure your cable company isn't Cumcast?
Oops. Did I just get myself banned from your blog? I'll be good. I promise. :)
Memphis Steve - Lindsey better find another way to line her pockets... those beds suck!
Rose - Hi sweetie! Nice to see you! I've been having trouble getting onto your blog...
Chitty - Lol... holy water! That's great! And if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times... vertigo and stilettos don't mix well; therefore I HAVE to be off my feet while wearing them! Oops... did I say that out loud? =)
Goddess - I'll have you know you almost made me squirt my drink out of my nose when I read that! You are too funny!!!
hmm, perhaps you have a poltergeist. one with a thing about air beds. or it could just be a leak.
hey LW. Hope everything is fine with ya. I am normally a calm person but when I get problems messing with my sleep I go mad. The most intolerable person :-) hope you get to fix things with yr bed asap ;-)
Prisoner - With my luck, it is a poltergeist...lol. Sneaky little bastard, he is! I will give him points for creativity on this one.
Dr O2 - Like you, I get very cranky when my sleep is disturbed. It's not pretty. Yesterday I got a new bed; hopefully one that retains the air I put in it! =) So far, it looks good.
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