I was going to do a little audio post just for shits and giggles and leave that for the weekend but that is not happening. I got the idea from Heidi and had considered it in the past but her's made me want to do one. A friend of mine told me there was no way that I should do it but that was for reasons that I won't go into...lol. Besides, today is not a good day for an audio post... you'd just hear me say 'fuck' alot. Not as if that doesn't happen in print, but you get the idea.
In about 6 hours I'll be getting up and driving back to Ohio for an overnight visit. Part of me is excited, part of me is scared. Just not sure what my brain will make of it all and so there's a bit of apprehension. Of course, I'll make the best of it no matter what. Besides, I still haven't given them their Christmas gifts so I know they'll be glad to see me! =) A warm reception is guaranteed...lol.
This is the part where wanting to scream comes in. The changes at work are continuing and it's hard to keep up. I also just witnessed an understandable yet childish display that resulted in me grabbing everything, for every floor of the hospital and going out to do it on my own. I was not about to wait around for whatever was unfolding. It's usually wise for me to just GO when I feel the urge to say something utterly nasty that I can't take back and that may end up in an ugly scene. So, that's what I did. My pharmacist tonight may have seen my actions as hot-headed, and in a way, I suppose they were, but it was all just to avoid a potentially bigger problem. At the end of the night, the other two left and as I was headed out the door he kind of motioned for me to wait, asking me if I was ok. Of course I said I was fine but didn't hide what I really felt with the tone of my voice, I just said the words. He tried to make me feel better but I came this close to saying, 'No, Jerry... I fucking left everything I had for this job. My everything may not be much to you, or anyone else, but it was all I had; and now I'm wondering if I was a fool. So no, no it's not ok. And pardon me if I get cranky when other people I work with literally stand there and say 'they aren't going anywhere with the other co-worker'. If I wanted to work in child care, I would have; or a three ring circus for that matter. So no, right now it is pretty far fucking off from ok.' But he's too nice and I would have been taking out my anger toward other things on him and that isn't fair to do when someone is trying to help you. Especially one of your bosses. Part of it is me being edgy and dealing with PMS but the majority of it is just that there are so many changes going on there and a certain lack of organization. Add into that one person who has a high language barrier, one who has been fired repeatedly for being mouthy, and me... who is caught in this riptide on the job and in her head. I'm so frustrated right now that I'm actually at a loss for what to do. I mean even temporarily; how to make it better until I decide if these are just growing pains, so to speak. So yeah, screaming feels like a really good option.
That would be the main reason for no audio post; but I haven't fully decide if I want to inflict myself upon you aurally as well as in text form. That might be pushing the limits of how much of me you can handle. =)
So, I'm off for the weekend, and I'll catch up when I get back. I've got about 2 hours of prep work to do and then I can sleep... so maybe I'll get 3 or 4 hours in the end! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
11 comments:
Okay--hope your weekend is better than the week seems to have been, and that the people in Ohio greet you with appropriate delight.
Yes, a primal scream does seem to be in order. And I was thinking "growing pains" before I saw you write it. Like that ld, stupid, dumb-ass poster always said: "Hang in there, baby!"
I've been meaning to email you for weeks lw. Life has been ever so hectic, but I will be writing to you soon.
I've been saying I'm gonna do an audio post for a while now - I just never seem to get around to it.... maybe I'll work on that this week
ugh... I hope everything settles down soon.... I can't stand when all that drama and yuck creeps in... especially when we have no control over it!!!!
Let me echo the stupid, dumb-ass poster. Hang in there, baby!
I hope the weekend did you good, and you got lots of rest, booze, and fun. In no particular order.
have a scream, i find it usually helps, a little.
and how on earth does one go about doing an audio post?
I don't know how to do an audio post...but I now want to do one!
Screaming always makes you feel better...just don't scream at me!
That sounds really frustrating. . . A shouting post would have been appropriate, I think ;)
Try to relax, or at least forget a bit about the last few days at the crazy new place :)
The "anonymous" was written by the Tigress ;)
Jarvenpa - Thank you, and they did! It was great to see them. It's been a month but it seems like so much longer.
Ghostie - Hey you! Screaming is good, gets out lots of frustration! I remember that poster... with the little kitten! Glad you were thinking 'growing pains', too. I got your email and I've been wanting to email you for a long time, too. So many things going on everywhere!
Kitty - You have to do one... I just did mine! Yeah, I can do without 'drama and yuck' myself. Unfortunately, it's always there somewhere; I just need to figure out how to deal with it, that's all. (She says flippantly as if that's an easy task...)
Anne - You can't fool me, I bet you still have that poster! =) No rest, no booze, but it was a good weekend - thanks!
Prisoner - You may hear me scream at your house...lol. Heidi left the link in her comment; it's easy but it's a US number you have to call. Says you can email them to say that you want access #s in your country tho, too...hint, hint.
Motor - Ditto what I said to Prisoner about the audio post... and you can hear mine now, although I sound like a big goof. Then again, I am a big goof! How 'bout if we have a scream together?
Tigress - You were being sneaky, weren't you! =) Although I didn't scream, I did sing loudly to some annoyingly loud music, so that helped!
Heidi - I agree, long drives are good for that. Of course, it just gave me more to think of on the end, but hey, what else whould I have expected?! It was wonderful to go back, just wish I'd had an extra day! 24 hours only goes so far. And yes, I did an audio post! I say it was peer pressure from you! =) Now that I know how to do it, just wait til I have another shitty day... you guys'll get an earful! Hahahaha! That will be so much fun; at least for me! =) And thanks for putting that link in your comment!
Well, it's a bit late but I was thinking you're a nicer person than you give yourself credit for. Holding one's temper in the face of stupidity is no mean feat, my friend. :-)
Banzai - 'Nicer' is relative. It wasn't a case of holding my temper, simply leaving so the nastiness didn't manifest to the point of no return.
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