I'll be your number one with a bullet...

... a loaded God complex, cock it and pull it!

[And aim it directly at pop culture.]

Point is I have a few bullets that need to fly today and although some of these things will be 'gotten' by some people, other items will just draw a blank stare, the sound of crickets and eventual hushed mutterings from the crowd. Yeah, uh, note the look of concern on my face. I'm almost shaking in fear that you'll never like me again. Pfft. Riiight.

• I hate Quentin Tarantino. Shall I say it again just to taunt you into disbelief? Lalalala... I hate Quentin (skipping in circles). Pulp Fiction was an utter waste of two hours of my life, with exception of a few lines. I also think Kill Bill blows. Again, barring a few details. I do not like his vision or whatever you want to call it. He also has a look about him - like perhaps he's missing a chromosome or something. I think I feel that way because he's just been touted as this master and I disagree. I am often mocked for my view on this. On really harsh days, people throw small stones at me as well.
• I do not now, nor have I ever seen one pretty thing about Paris Hilton. If I were up the family chain of command I'd falsify records showing that she was one of those unfortunate crack babies and they simply adopted her as an infant. Truth be told, we have all seen her crack on more than one occasion. The look on her face never changes. It screams 'I've just been hit in the head with a two-by-four, is that hot?' I am in no way jealous, I just don't get the 'Paris hype'.
• Reality TV is a piece of shit. Collectively. A collective piece of shit, if you will. I've seen so very little of it and someone made that comment that Survivor was in it's, like, skabillionth season or something. What in the hell is wrong with you people? Take two brain cells, rub them together and you just may get a spark. Go read a fucking book for Christ's sake! I limit my reality TV to making fun of the American Idol 'hopefuls' in the first few audition episodes. I laugh at them and Simon's response til I have tears in my eyes. It automatically makes me feel better about myself not being so delusional. That being said, man these people have hella balls!
• Although a fan of beer, Microbrews are often nasty and I don't even pretend to like them. I've been in a brewery and actually asked the bartender for a 'regular' beer. He explained all the lovely brews they had and I said something along the lines of "Thanks for the time, but I want one that isn't bitter and doesn't suck." Yeah, that goes over well in a brewery. I refuse to give in just to do what the cool kids do. The cool kids can bite my ass while they are down there kissing everyone else's.
• Speaking of kids. I do not find drooly, sticky little children adorable. I find it gross and I want to gag. Don't expect me to see the same 'little angel' as you do. I see slobber, dirt, germs, noise and irritation. Yes, if I have kids (sign them up for therapy now) I may see things differently. Until then...
• Never thought Seinfeld was funny. I mean Jerry Seinfeld. Elaine and Kramer were amusing, but Seinfeld was a dud. I assume he still is. I think I pretended to like it for exactly two episodes. My roomies and I had friends over to watch said 'new' show. Week number three had me staying in my room. I have a co-worker that to this day (after 2.5 years) will still refer to Seinfeld episodes and compare our current circumstances. I walk away. He's a dolt when it comes to that. And a damn slow learner.
• I like Disco; I like Funk. Don't even try to fuck with me on this one. And I'll have you know that my current psychiatrist has various BeeGees memorabilia around his office, including a mint condition Stayin' Alive album. He even has pictures of him with the brothers Gibb. When he nods his head I'm not sure if he's thinking of my medication or...Oh, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk...

I'm just so tired of hearing "I can't believe you don't/do like______; what's wrong with you?!" I'll certainly still hear that but I just don't care much. Remember the story The Emperor's New Clothes from when you were a child? (Or perhaps last week if you are a slow reader...) Yep - I'm the one pointing saying "Uh, guys - the dude's nude!" Often I don't match with the popular consensus. That bothered me a long time ago but as I got more confident that my views were perfectly fine, albeit different, I made alot of changes and astonishing progress in coming to terms with what makes me tick. Who knows, I might even come up with a few more to add to that.

While you're here, if you haven't had the chance to click on my new profile pic, please do it. View it full size so you can read the caption - it is such an accurate representation of me, like, 80% of the time. And even though it may not seem like it sometimes, I really am nice. Come closer... =)