Oil and Water

I am hoping to write a different post later if I feel better, although I'm sure no one will lose sleep if I don't. I am still obsessing, feeling terribly edgy, and now, now I have the feeling that a lil' bit o' depression is lurking around the corner.

:::sigh:::

While I realize that the things I am feeling right now are not the things that make the sun rise and set, I feel an amount of guilt equal to if it were, just because I have those feelings at this time. There are more important things going on around me, things that involve so much more. I should want to be feeling more, yet I feel so much and that is nearly impossible for me to think of anything else. If I let myself feel more, that may press on the edges of what I know my limits to be. So what happens when you want to be there for someone and you are paralyzed by fear of your own reactions and behavior. What if you let someone down when they need you the most by failing to succeed as a friend? Or what if you never tried at all? If roles were reversed, I would hope the other person could take the step for me, but then again, I won't ever expect anything from another person, so that's an argument down the drain.

I, the aberrant metronome.

On the not-so-desperate sounding side... I found a wonderful little website that permits you to upload pics as screensavers/wallpaper for your cell phone. You may all know about it, but I didn't, so I was quite excited. As a matter of fact, I saved several pics from this trailer and used them on my phone. Ok, so I hope you can use those links - this is the first time I have tried it, so let me know if it works; if not, my apologies. No matter, I can hardly wait until July 15th!

I've also decided that I like virtually NO clothes in stores. Good thing I wear scrubs at work! Oh, and guess what!? My new weight loss total is #52!!! I need to get a cheap sewing machine, bunches of odd clothing, and a really good manic phase. Oh yeah, and probably alot of bandaids! I think the look I am going for would be a more sedate version of Industrial Renaissance. Yes, yes, that sounds about right.

Anyway, my erratic behavior and I are going to take a break for now...