Oh for the love of cheese, what the fuck is wrong with some people?!

So. I wrote my email. Interestingly I already have a response. The only way for me to have you clearly understand what is going through my head, is to post the emails. That won't be happening today though. I need to absorb this. The one thing I am picking up is that just because a person lives with a group that studies positive awareness and such does NOT mean they do not exhibit cult-like behavior. To tell me that I've offended you by using a very common term in modern language (that was actually a compliment) pisses me right off. But you tell me that you are sure that I didn't mean to and you understand that. That is followed immediately by your explanation on how your culture tells another when they have said something 'off' so that they may take that knowledge and improve themselves.... (count. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. ) ... well fuck you buddy because there was nothing 'off' about what I said and it is rather obvious that I am not part of your fuck ass cult culture and I don't feel shamed into improving myself over using such a common term. It was not swearing nor derogatory. BUT... in the next part you talk about being great. You call me GREAT. You call you GREAT. Let me guess, Manson's fucking whippity skippity fucking GREAT, too! And Bundy, he's gotta be a whole roll of lovin' GREATness goin' on. Certainly Dahmer is beyond GREAT considering he had no 'smallness of feelings' when he was shoving boys in his deathville freezer. (count. 1. 2. 3. 4. ) How can you tell me that in your eyes I am subpar over these little things but then tell me you are taught to see everyone as, you guessed it, GREAT. If you are searching for the greatness in me, you will never find it. You are looking for greatness that is found on page 124 of the third book in the second series... for sale, by the way - of course. You don't see the greatness in me because it doesn't fit with your current code. You don't see when I stay hours after work to just be with a friend in the emergency room after a long day so she doesn't have to be alone. You don't see when I make sure to address many of the patients at work that often don't even understand where they are or even who they are; this is not any part of my job, I just want them to know that someone 'sees' them. You will never know how many sick animals I have volunteered with donating time and resources to care for, holding some as they died in my arms. Those things, those simple things right there are the doorway to greatness and I'll be damned if you toss the word around just because someone told you to. Fuck. You. At least I can say that I've seen what love and greatness can do and believe it or not pal, it has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with just saying everyone is great. Believing that does not make it true; furthermore, everyone ISN'T great. And to reprimand another and tell them that you didn't appreciate a word and you are kindly telling them so they can 'improve their life' - oh my god... if it were that easy don't you think I'd have done it by now?! If it were actually offensive, I could understand. Perhaps you can chant and meditate over these things but not only can't I do that, but now I surely won't... and risk turning into you? I think not. At least I know I'm a fucking wreck in the head, or at least emotionally, because I am... not because I've been fed this shit just to be able to use it out of context. I can still try to fix me but you have stopped trying because you believe some offshoot diety has given you the answers. Motherfucker try to play this shit on me. I can make it to your place and back in a day. But I have no good reason. Other than to fucking give you a solid right hook. Clearly, you are no longer worth my time.

Well, didn't really expect that to all come flooding out but I think it had to. I'll respond to him, but with a level head so I can ever-so-politely point out the flaws in his thinking. When I post the emails I may omit a few words for privacy's sake. I just want you to see (with my notes interspersed) why this made my ass cramp. Because NOW he's talking down to me. ( Oh no, little boy - I gave you the opt out clause because I was seeing that we are very different. Your lifestyle is very important to you and I did not want to put you in a place where our conversations were competing with it. That's another thing on the door of greatness jackass - knowing when it feels like a good time to let someone opt out. Not because it wouldn't affect me, but because it could affect the other person more. It is a choice called being selfless for the benefit of another... not because XYZ told you that you had to be selfless to live there. Something in me was prompting me to write the email because I was pretty sure what the outcome would be. I am not surprised but might I suggest dropping the superiority angle. It makes me want to hit you. Hard.) Sorry - guess there's just more to come out. Anyway - it'll be here soon enough. Because you don't know him the way I did for many years, you may not get why it is so opposite and why I'm so irritated by some of the things he says. That's ok. You'll get the basics of it.

I'm just so pissed (no, really...) that he is trying to turn the tables on me. Truly, I'm craftier than he thinks. I could play that game for a very long time. Thing is, at this point, a twice a year email will be fine with me. I have little desire to attempt communication with him when he is just going to try to push these 'cultural' ideas into my head. It's not like a conversation, it's like reading excerpts from a book. Like it has been rehearsed. Still, maybe at the holidays I'd like to say hi and such. Sometimes bridges burn, sometimes someone straps on an assload of C-4. I'll know when we get there. On the bright side (not yet from the C-4 explosion), I did learn something valuable. Also, it doesn't mean that the same situation may not present itself again, it just means I will be a well informed girl.

I feel better now. Thanks.