So. This dream was, well, peculiar. I was pregnant. Not just pregnant but going into labor. And until that moment, I had no recollection of even being pregnant. I looked down and saw belly. I reached down and touched belly. I felt faint and found myself mostly on the floor with a doctor trying to administer an IV sedative. Ok so yeah, I'm guessing I wasn't just calm as could be when I learned I was 9 months pregnant like, 96 seconds ago! As it turns out, I bargained for him to give me only half the usual dose because I still wanted an epidural and was not about to take the chance that it would interfere with that. Still, I blocked out the entire pregnancy?
Anyway, I look around and realize that there is no one around that I know. I think Paul is out getting something to drink but then I look down and sadly realize that he cannot be the father because I haven't seen him in many years. He is not even out getting a drink. He's not here, he's just gone. But I can feel contractions starting. And I'm confused. And alone. With no idea where I am. And a moment ago I wasn't pregnant. Now I'm in labor. I cannot grasp this. Thankfully, I don't have to. The sedative sees that I finish my descent to the floor and I feel it fading away to nothing.
Just to clear thing up. No, I am not pregnant. Not even by a longshot. I do think I miss Paul very much but fear contacting him. I want to, but I'm scared of several possible outcomes. As far as the actual pregnancy thing, I'm guessing it symbolized something else (as dreams will do) but it made me think. I don't enjoy most surprises, so for this, just imagine you wake up and *poof*, you're going into labor. Weird. Perhaps I should wash my nightly Klonopin down with a beer or something. Know what the weirdest thing was, though? I was sort of ok with it.
7 comments:
your post has a little connection to my last post about desire...
*hugs*
S.x
LOL! I've had that dream! Just, without the sedatives. But yep, going into labor and actually being ok with it. In fact once I woke up and when I realised I wasn't really pregnant, I felt a little sad. Yikes! That passed fairly quickly.
I seem to have missed something 'cos I don't know who Paul is (slap me on the wrist for not paying attention if you like) but it doesn't matter. Missing someone is hard but don't fight it; allow yourself to miss him as much as you actually do, just for a short while, then turn back to your life. Unless you decide to contact him, of course, in which case we look forward to the post :)
Girl, I have had so many dreams about being pregnant or being in labor. If you find out what those dreams mean, please let me know. :)
pregnant dreams are weird... especially the ones that feel so real when you wake up... especially when they make you sad when you realize you aren't really pregnant
in my case I assume it's because I wish I had kids - although I don't want to have my own kids... but I imagine my mind just associates having kids with being pregnant
anyway - I have no idea what your dream means but it sounds interesting
If it had been my dream, I would be thinking "what part of myself am I struggling to bring into the light now?" or "what is the work I have been doing internally for these 9 months or so...what has started to be ready?"
But dreams belong to the dreamer.
I too have had a lot of "oh, my goodness, I am giving birth--when did this happen?" dreams over my life, when pregnant and when not pregnant. My least favorite variety was the end of pregnancy very real dream in which I gave birth to a lovely baby, and then got distracted...and was "but wait, my child--where did I put her??" A relief to wake from that still pregnant, though obviously anxious about my maternal abilities.
I wonder if maybe these dreams are not the primal voice of instinct. Being a man, this idea does not have any more than an abstract weight. If I had that dream I would likely be very freaked out.
The level of fear you experience when considering making contact with him has a linear relationship to the challenge it presents to you. I sometimes will start a meeting with by having everyone present turn to their neighbors on either side and tell them to go screw themselves, to get rid of any negative crap present, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. I tried and that is all I can do.
Do what you can do, and get past it.
peace
Saturnyne - Ah, then perhaps you were in my head. Or I was in yours; which should actually frighten you just a bit either way. Desire can change within itself and regenerate out of nothing, so it would seem. By reading your post, I'd say you know that, don't you? (I do admit, in the past 36 hours I've not watched your movie. I suck, what can I say.)
Terri - Next time, go for the 'sedative upgrade' in the dream. It's much nicer that way! It is odd to wake up and have it not be real but not as strange as thinking the dream is real in the first place! ;) As for Paul, no you didn't really miss anything. I've made comments here and there about him but loosely connected. At one time, he was the only person that knew me for who I was and that I trusted. We were like soulmates but were too afraid to turn it into a relationship. He was living in NYC and when the whole 9/11 thing hit, I didn't know for years whether or not he was there (he lived near the towers). See, I'd effectively pushed him out of my life over something so stupid. I really don't think I'll come to terms with my actions in that respect. But anyway, it was just a few months ago that I found proof that he was still in fact among the living. Oh Terri, this might turn into a post...or a session with my disco psychiatrist, lol. Point is, I think he symbolized so many things. Perhaps he still does and I never realized it all this time. He'll always be important.
Meadow - I have to say that I'm really glad it ended with just mild labor pains. If I woke up and had suffered through labor for no reason, I think I'd be pretty unhappy. It's been a while since I've had a dream similar to this and I gotta say, I don't think I'll complain about cramps anymore. If I get the inside scoop on these dreams, I'll surely let you know!
Kitty - I'm glad I'm not the only one to have this dream come through so REAL. Briefly, I was let down, but that may have been due to the fact that I'd adjusted to quickly and completely to the idea of being pregnant in the dream. I'm not a fan of drop of a hat change, so to have it be a pregnancy (which scares the piss out of me), THEN to have it change back, well, I'm about to kick someones ass for yanking me around, you know? Er... perhaps I'm too violence/swearing-prone to have a kid. =)
Jarvenpa - When I woke, after the initial shock, that is precisely what I was thinking. Bare bones: I was startled into awareness of something that had been brewing for some time but that I had been utterly unaware of. Now that I was aware, I could deal with it... and only with a mild amount of sedatives! ;) But that's how I see the dream. I'm very impressionable when it comes to dreams. I must be highly selective what I watch before bed and typically do word puzzles before bed to sort of clear the build up. Never do I watch the news. I take bits and pieces and mold it to my life. Initially it seems odd but then I think about it and I've gotten pretty good at identifying and separating the important message in it. Overlaying the meaning is a bit harder. Not being a betting kind of gal, I'd be willing to bet that your maternal instincts were right on the money. Our fears come through when our filters are down.
Anonant - Ok, first thing, and I hope this doesn't offend you in any way - I thought you were a female. Why? I have no idea. Wait, maybe I do know. But I don't think I'll go into detail now. It's actually a compliment. (And I'm having a conversation with myself...) What you say about the connection between the fear and the challenge is dead on. I always wonder why things are like that. I'd love to be invited to tell whoever was next to me to go screw themselves. Come to think of it, I pretty much do that anyway. But I can see how it would almost act as a neutralizing agent. Life presents so many tricky obstacles.
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