Well, whether or not I do depends directly on something pertinent, which I can't seem to recall right now. So, that being said, lets move on, shall we?
I'm sick of snow. One week, and I hate it. But not as much as I hate the fact that a guy from my recent past not so long ago admitted to feelings for me, began leaving me lots of nice voice mail messages, then (you know what is coming) has started dating someone else. But wants to remain in close contact, which is cool (really) because we are friends. It's just that his timing sucks and that is something for me to hate. Just like hating when friends completely and utterly blow you off after making a big, happy deal when you do talk to them after a short absence, which is not to say the 'absence' is my call. And that pattern will repeat, won't it? It's been and I don't really feel good about it. I think I give up and I really do hate that. But not as much as I hate the fact that the neurologist found one 'ailment' for sure and there are two others currently battling it out to be ailment number two. I just like the word ailment. The needle stabs weren't too bad but the electric shocks really sucked! So yeah, there is some pesky set of neuro issues going on. They may be lifelong, progressive disorders. But I can't get a straight answer. I can't even get definitive diagnoses (I'm not faulting him) but I sure as hell can get a prescription for $400 per month. Need to see how much insurance covers. You know, I never wanted anything wrong with me, I just wanted someone to make the symptoms stop.
In one week I start instructing at the school. And I go part time at the hospital. Hopefully. They know it and I've tried to talk to them about it but they were in some sort of fantasy world where they thought things would be different. Like I would change my mind. They have yet to change the schedule. I really hope they don't tell me I can't work the days I've opted for; when I tried to tell them they were in agreement but I think that was partially because they weren't listening because they thought I'd stay full time. Son of a bitch. I can only hope for the best but right now, I don't believe anyone. Show me what's behind your words so they aren't so empty, then I'll start to be ok. I hate when someone talks with you in some placating fashion, which I'm hoping isn't the case here. It's like those negotiators trained to talk down the people that take hostages. Except that originally I wasn't angry, but I sure as hell will be if they go back on what they agreed to. Pretty much hate that too.
And the fact that things have been so out of sorts lately (not that bad mind you, just not meshing) that I still find it difficult to blog with any regularity or visit. I still try and it should improve - I'm hopeful. And yes, I pretty much hate being hopeful, too!
"You know I don't smoke pot. It dulls my hatred."
(Sara Gilbert as Darlene Connor on Roseanne)
~
10 comments:
I'm glad that they are starting to identify you ailment(s). At least when you identify the Beast, you have a target to fight.
Kick some butt, Livewire.
I'm glad about the teaching thing and I'm sure the schedule will work out fine although I know it's crappy having to 'wait and see'. And it's just as crappy feeling like you've been let down over and over again. 'Crappy' doesn't even begin to describe the neurological issues though, does it?
hehe, I just had a thought though: isn't it just typical of you to stymie the doctors?! Nobody ever accused you of not being complicated ;)
Jason - That's kind of how I see it. If I want to stop it in it's tracks, I have to know what it is. You know me, I'm always up for a good butt kicking! ;)
Terri - Yeah, I'm not so good with 'wait and see' but people say it teaches you patience. Well, newsflash, I'm no good with that either! ;) It's been a bit of a crap-fest in some strange ways but the neuro thing is definitely confusing. Lol, it is pretty typical for me to be, um, atypical, innit? hehe
Remember that voice post do did a while ago? It inspired me to do one today. (I know, I haven't been exactly prompt in following your lead....)
Holy gee, girl. U for sure have an interesting life. . .
U kinds of sound stressed and I know U have all the reasons for it, but (bot to rub it) I just realized after the holidays that one needs to pull the plug completely off and then come back after a while to be able to handle things again. U really need "vacation time": any chance of U getting off for just a little bit?
wish U the best anyway :)
PS. for the "boy". . .I'd put a big line across his name. Not to be taken seriousely as a friend either.
Hello, I have not been around here for quite some time!!!!! (Best I go and catch up on what I have missed).
Take care and catch ya later!!
Hope is a sliver of glass hidden in a handkerchief.
'You know I don't smoke pot. It dulls my hatred.' Thank you for that quote, I shall definitely remember it!!
And good to see that you are getting a grip on your ailments (how old-fashioned a word is that?), soon you'll be as boring as the rest of us.
damn, i'm framing that quote. it makes me happy.
Jason - Not prompt? Hmm, that's one way of putting it...lol. But it was well worth the wait and a great blend!
Tigress - 'Interesting' is one way to put it. I do so desperately need vacation time. Just to get away, clear my head, get out of this rut and focus on something very different. Something tells me it'll be a while though... sigh.
NMOTB - Hi again! I've barely been around here OR anywhere else, so I'm the same as you... lots of catching up! =)
Kyknoord - Stop being so damned uplifting already! I mean, must you keep shoving such happiness at me?!?! ;) (Yeah, 'hope' and I have a highly strained relationship at best!)
Nomad - Glad you liked that line; I only wish I could have been the one to think of it first! Lol, that's why I chose 'ailments' - it just makes me giggle. It's dramatic in a severely retro way - like you'd think I had the plague or something.
illyria - Glad to have contributed to some happiness for you, it is a brilliant line. I'd be ever so proud to claim it as mine, however... (and I'm fighting to get in the front door at your place again. If you see my name all over the place, that's why.)
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