It's a known fact that you can't always get what you want, right? Fine, I can deal with that. But must it be a fact in my life that not only can I not get what I want, but that I suck the weirdos right out of the woodwork?!
Scenario: Around 11pm on Friday I see a guy that works in the department next to me leaving and say bye and ask his plans for the weekend. Pretty normal stuff. He explains that a water pipe broke in one of his walls and he'll be spending the weekend doing bathroom repairs to fix the damage. Here's where it starts to go bad. Knowing that we live about a mile apart, I kind of joke and say he should let me know when he's going to do the painting because I love to paint (which I do). After saying that he'll be hanging wallpaper, I kindly bow out as I have no experience and that it would most likely end up glued to me like human fly paper. From here, it plummets. After slowly looking me up and down, he says that's fine with him... just make sure I wear something nice and and if I get caught in it, I'd be all his. Stuck. To the wallpaper. How was I to know the term 'human fly paper' would be such an erotic phrase? Um, eww.
That is one of the most bizarre propositions I've ever heard. Remind me again why people say things like this to me? After the shock wore off, I did find it pretty funny, but still... he wasn't joking. I've been ignoring suggestive stares and 'come home with me' comments for two months with him.
I'm tellin' ya.... don't make me bust out my keychain....lol!
29 comments:
human fly paper, lol!
OK, here's a checklist:
1. Is he single?
2. Is he cute?
3. Is he sane?
4. Does he have a nice accent?
If you get 3 out of 4 yes's, tell me why you aren't over there wallpapering right now? ;-)
Wallpaper? Who knew?
Thank God he wasn't working on the plumbing.
Take it as a compliment. Then beat him.
I'd assume that he's:-
1) somebody with a thang for wallpaper and paste. Not the most normal thing as a fetish but handy every year or two if you fancy a fresh look.
2) genuinely likes you and ended up using a terrible excuse to spend some innocent time.
3) an alien from the planet Zarg and by "wallpaper" he means, when translated into Zargian, his "reproduction podule".
One or more of this may or may not be true. It's up to you if you want to find out ! :o)
Well, in my vast experience, when an attractive woman says ANYTHING to a guy who is not attached (wait, no, I don't mean stuck to the wallpaper, I mean, not in a relationship at the moment--and sometimes if he is) the guy tends to hear "yeah baby, come do me!"
(and all you've said is, "what time does the library open?" or some such).
Not to dis guys, mind you--but sometimes they have trouble hearing over the murmur of hormones.
Not only a guy problem, by the way. I've known women (even myself) who hear what they are longing to hear when the dude is merely saying "gee, nice that the rain has stopped for a moment".
That being said, if the guy were cute, and interesting...okay.
Otherwise, sadly, ewww.
Terri - 1) I don't know but am quite sure HE doesn't care 2) No. 3) Most likely not. 4) Definitely not - and a voice like grating gravel. I think I'll pass on the offer to wallpaper! Or paint. Or anything else he may have in mind! ;)
Jason - I guess you never know what does it for someone! Unfortunately, I had to find out. Via the conversation, I mean... nothing else!!!
Prisoner - Can I just skip to the part where I beat him? No wait, he'd like that, too.
Carpy - 1) Many fetishes I'm guessing, but the wallpaper one could come in handy. 2) He basically undresses me with his eyes - not sure if that equals 'likes'. 3) I'm going with this one. Without a doubt - this one!....lol! And I don't want to find out more. No way, no how. Did I mention he's at least 60? And I'm being generous...
Jarvenpa - Lol... you are so right! It's as if asking the time is akin to stripping bare! He's only been nice to me, so I don't want to be rude, yet I don't want to make him think I'm interested just by being nice. It's pretty clear that he's getting his signals crossed. Or just being hopeful. Either way, he's a bit creepy. I tend to get irritated when a guy can't break his gaze from my breasts to look me in the eye when he talks to me. And then not even have the sense to disguise it! Let's stick with 'ewww'. =)
Hmmm, gettin it on on flypaper does sound strangely erotic.
Ah, well in that case LW... run and hide, Babe, run and hide ;-)
A voice like grating gravel huh? And I assume not in that sexy Nick Nolte gravely kind of way?
Eh, not good.
Yeah, I agree with Terri,....run and hide! :)
Bean - Why am I not surprised that this appeals to you? =) I suppose the physical constraints would depend directly on the strength of the fly paper! Er, wall paper...
Terri - Getting my shoes on now... preparing to run! =)
Stacy - Not at all like Nolte; more along the lines of 'shut the hell up, already'! hehe Shoes on... getting coat...
Wow. Maybe you should start writing romance books. "His voice like grating gravel, he offered to wallpaper my apartment." Heehee!
Now you know how he gets his freak on... woohoo!!!
I am so buying new wallpaper this weekend. Who knew?
He sounds like the sort that now regards you as a cocktease as you 'initiated' it but now you won't follow through. Maybe he's right? :-)
I bet you he will be one of those guys that you wont be able to run and hide from. Who all knew???
ahh see THIS is why I avoid small talk!!!
in MY world he really would want help with the wallpaper and because I can't seem to resist a plea for help I'd probably do it like an idiot!! then he'd probably invite me and Sam to dinner - Sam would probably be hearing porno music in the back of his head - wallpaper boy would want me to make some fancy dessert - then we'd have to reciprocate by having him over to dinner (where he would offer to bring a 6 pack)
THEN if I had ANY luck at all, a month later he'd stop me on the sidewalk and ask me to help him move!!
Banzai - Lol, yeah, real romantic there! Although the cover art to that one should be pretty interesting...
Chitty - If you are buying wallpaper, does that mean I should come over this weekend? ;)
Nomad - Yep, a cocktease for sure... all in my hospital scrubs and speaking of home repairs. What on earth was I thinking?! haha
Whatalotoffun - No hiding... I saw him twice last night. And yes, he brought up wallpapering!
Kitty - If I could ever get my mouth to stop running when I want it to, I'd avoid small talk, too...lol. And if you have a desire to help someone move... you can help me!!! I won't even make you bring dessert! =)
Now thats romantic human fly paper! Dam! LOL
Ways to get turned down, No.89. This belongs in the book, if there is one.
I was in the same situation ones. Every were I went I saw him it was like he was stalking me. Tried to be polite and not to be to harsh but no he had to push my wrong buttons all the time untill I blew it I just had enough and I told him straight. Then he got the message LOUD and CLEAR. That was last on my list but I could not think of anything else. Let us know what happend. Good luck. will hold thumps for you.
It's a trip how we find ourselves in these repeating patterns. On a deeper level, in that place where perhaps you really are asking yourself "why does this always happen to me," I hope that you are okay.
"Ima Ima Freak Magnet freak magnet
(affecting a pathetic mobster accent) hey you want that i beat dis guys up for you?
or another stretegy (which is dangerous and you must use vewy carefully) you could have a friend pretend to be your girlfriend(or boyfriend) and tell him to stop asking you about wallpaper
or or or you could tell him that the voices in your head told you not to talk to him
or, in the end, you always have your keychain... ;)
Marco - Hi; thanks for the visit! Yeah, what can I say... me as human fly paper; I definitely know how to appeal to a guy. Feel free to use this tactic: results may vary. =)
Tarang - Nice to have you stop by! If there is no official book, perhaps you should write one... after all, you've already got #89!
Whatalotoffun - I was stalked before, so I know it's no fun and don't need a repeat. Unfortunately our departments interact at work so I need to choose my words carefully. Most likely he thinks he's being suave...lol.
Goddess - And this is a repeating pattern for me, but only with the people I don't want it to be with. Sometimes I think I should just stay in 'bitch mode' all the time, maybe that will help?
Mysfit - Lol... I am! I am! That's me! Good mobster accent by the way! You know, somehow I don't think he'd care if I introduced someone as my husband. Although he might believe the thing about the voices in my head. Most people are certain there's an entire conversation going on up there at all times. I've yet to argue with them ;)
"Did I mention he's at least 60? And I'm being generous..."
That's a mere sapling in Zargian years ! ;o)
Carpy - A mere sapling?!?! So that gives him many years to turn into a mighty oak. Uh, gee, not something I think I'd be looking forward to...lol!
I hope you haven't spent all weekend hiding from him?
ah the keychain! LOL! hope you're doing well LW.
Nomad - No use hiding anyway; I always seem to run into him. I've decided to disguise myself as Elton John (circa 1976) in an attempt to thwart him.
Heidi - Laughing is fine. I even laughed once I got his 'verbal cooties' off of me! =) What can I say, I'm your basic freak magnet as Mysfit said! If I hold out for Johnny Depp, I may be waiting a looong time...lol.
Rose - You know it girl! Nothing says 'back off' like a whack to the temple with a pointy chunk of steel! =) Hope things are well with you too, dear!
Hi LW I'm posting this on an old post of yours since yes, your current post is pretty much f*'d. If it makes you feel any better, a similar thing happened to my hubby's blog a while back. What I ended up doing was limiting the options in the settings so that only 1 post at a time was displayed - we put it down to Blogger not liking something in one of his previous posts. He even tried choosing a new template and the problem was still there.
So good luck - and take heart! You're not the only one being plagued by problems!
Terri - I figure at this point it's touch and go. Sometimes it's normal, sometimes not. Much like me... =) There is a post that seems to be either the cut off point or the beginning point when it acts up so I may try deleting it to see what happens. I'll give tham a chance to iron things out before I get my fingers in there changing things but changing it to one post at a time may be an option. Thanks!
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