This may be a little disjointed (ok, suppose you've grown to expect that, haven't you?) but just go with it. I'll try to make my topics brief (that's a good one).
Today, I have run all over the damned place regarding moods. Ooh, yet another surprise. Ahem. I was having some rather pleasant thoughts while still in bed, trying to get a little more time to myself. Get your mind out of the gutter, they weren't that pleasant! I was tired when I got to work and sort of quiet, so everyone wanted to know what was wrong. I just explained that I needed to wake up a little more before I sedated myself again. We all got a pretty good laugh, except I was serious. Klonopin relaxes me enough to let me breathe sans chest pain; stress is such a bitch, isn't it?
So anyway, I was sort of waiting for some info and checked my email (which is a big no-no at work) and was met by two of the smuttiest emails I've ever seen. I've known this guy for about six years and we're both sort of flirtatious but it's all fit for most peoples' ears. We recently exchanged email addresses and this has been a rapid, smutty, downward spiral. And it's not even the good kind of smut - just boring stuff like "I want to ____ your ____" and that's it. Christ, at least be imaginative. That isn't exactly what he said but I'm just saying it was along those lines. Look, I'll be honest, I have a flirtatious streak a mile long. I have lightheartedly been called a wily vixen, and that's when I'm just being me, not when I have an agenda (then I fail miserably, go figure). Contrary to all my sniveling blog moments, I have confidence to spare and am comfortable being flirtatious. I can play the shock value card quite well and tend to walk away with a wink at just the right time while leaving people to sit with their jaws dropped in missing chromosome fashion. Meh, people learn that it's just me. I don't want anything, I'm not stringing anyone along, we just have fun. And that's just one side of me, and it's all fun-loving. Well... back to Smut Boy. This is not cool with me and I have no idea why he started it. After being friends for six years, this is going to be a tough one to remedy. We went out as friends maybe twice - nothing more than a hug. As it should be considering he's married. Sometimes I just have to laugh at my life... really. I mean, for a person who is ready to consider a real relationship again, I keep attracting all these awful scenarios! And just for the record... I was never like that with him. Wait... maybe all those times I told him to "bite my ass" finally got to him, yeah? Lol... oh boy, I'm a sicko magnet. I laugh only because he poses no threat, it's just an awkward annoyance. Trust me, I can easily slip into a dom role and insist he stop... =)
Needless to say I was really shocked by that and got even quieter at work. All I really wanted to do was scream and cry and have someone tell me why people toss shit like this at you! Gah! I mean, can he NOT tell that I am not responding to his emails in kind? The awkwardness of this situation just got me down for a bit. But that passed.
Moving on, found the gas leak in my car! WooHoo! I've got the feeling that I won't be 'WooHooing' when I get the estimates in a day or so. At least I know where the problem is and that I shouldn't blow up. Shouldn't. That's comforting. So why do I feel compelled to chain smoke on the way to work? Death wish? Stupidity? Pissing on the shoes of the gods?...
And [drumroll please]... I got a job offer from UPMC South Side! Now, don't go getting all excited... they left a message on my cell Friday afternoon and I was only able to leave a message in return telling them that I'd be interested in discussing an offer. This will most likely be late Monday. I have no idea what the money will be like and I have to get answers to some stray questions, but the point is... they want me, too. Damn. Please don't mistake this as an 'I'm so great, of course they want me, but I'm going to act like it shocks me to get 'atta girls' from you' sort of thing. Opposite... I really have been struggling for years in the career department and it's honestly surprising that they want me, too. Sometimes when you struggle so hard and get pushed back down, you lose sight of your capabilities. I think that's what has happened here and I'm betting that you've all felt that at one time or another, too. So, we'll see what happens.
And even if there is an acceptable offer, then comes the hard part... can I really take that step? I have so much to consider. One thing that I did think of before is that I would be totally alone, which would be a switch. It's not so much the being alone part, it's the leaving others behind part. But you know what I thought of?! Haha... you'll still be with me! I won't be alone after all! =)
I think I failed at the 'brief part... oops...
20 comments:
I absolutely hate it when someone crosses the line. I had one today, just a blogging buddy. We've made joking comments on each others blogs. Tiny bit flirtateous, nothing more. Then he posts something on my blog today about me being single and using hand-held battery powered devices. The implication being, well, not a nice thing to say to someone you don't know. And then followed it up with "just kidding."
No, I don't take that as kidding, I take that as someone who crossed the line. Are they coming out of the woodwork now?
can I really take that step?
Yes, you can.
The first instinct, the one which shoves you before you think, always shows the truest path. The doubts which storm in a moment later are the demons you already know--the ones who have gnawed you down to a shell of the person you could be.
- There is a very fine line between men and pigs. Now that line is much finer since the discovery of Viagra. Plus, married men who’re wandering around should be locked up for life.
- Congrats for another job offer.
- Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Your real friends, never gonna leave you alone ‘no matter what’ – that I promise you.
Cheers :)
i love the rambly bits of you.
I'll second Farzad there. On pretty much everything.
"Pissing on the shoes of the gods" - You do have that streak in you, don't you?! :-)
I enjoyed this post. It's very you.
Thats' all. No atta girls - I think you have good instincts and an intelligent mind and I think you'll make the decision that is best for you anyway. And yes, we'll be with you all the way.
Congrats on the job offer.
I do so understand that crossing the "friends" line part! Ignore, ignrore and ignore more. . .till the point goes across.
The days of feeling like screaming and kicking at work, but keeping a semi-straight face. . .gee, understand those too. Soe mtimes going to the gym or jogging work, others it's just sleeping more that makes the remedy. Hang in there. . .
As for the jof: AWESOME!!!! Take the leap, it's going to be for the best. Follow ur instincts, ur heart, whatever U want to call it. U have done the leap many times and no regrets left behind. In fatc, when I'll leap AGAIN by the end of next week, I will hope it will be for the best :)
Good luck. . .
Suzi - That is awful about your blog! That is the equivalent of someone coming into your home and treating you that way. And you know what, so what if you do have lots of battery power? That's not the point... the point is that it's not appropriate for someone to say that. The 'just kidding' doesn't fix it, even if they were. You might be onto something here about them coming out of the woodwork; perhaps we need an exterminator! =)
Jason - You know, what you said about first vs second instinct makes so much sense I could just kiss you. When I read that, it was like I finally realized which instinct I've been allowing to rule my life. Thank you so very, very much for that thought.
Farzad - Yeah, damn that Viagra! He's a self-admitted perv any way but now he's sharing. Lucky me. As for what you said about the 'bowlines', etc... that's fantastic to be reminded of that kind of hope when I'm so unsure; and you said it so beautifully...
Transience - Thanks hon, I've got lots and lots of those bits! =)
Anne - Farzad is pretty smart, eh? And since it echoes your thoughts, must mean you are, too!
Terri - Uh, yeah, I'm a bit on the defiant side...lol. Does it show? =) You know, this was "me"... kinda glad this sassy part of me resurfaced. No matter what happens with this offer, I'm pleased for the experience.
Me - I've been doing my best to do the 'ignore' thing. I still will have reason to deal with him, but I figure he'll tire of it eventually. And he's no threat, just a bit of a pig (apologies to the porcine species). I need something like knife throwing to get rid of stress; funny, no one will assist me...lol! I've been thinking about the instincts and what my heart tells me, that way I have some idea of how I truly feel when I talk to them about the offer. And you've had some leaping going on, so I'm sure you know of what you speak here!
just came by to say hi and catch up. congrats on the job offer!
Yay on the job! Is it smut related?
"...I want to ____ your ____...". The two missing words are 'paint' and 'house' aren't they? Wotta sicko!
*Sighs, and wishes someone would flirt with him*
No you wouldn't be alone....we'd be with you every step of the way.
Is that comforting...or creepy??? ;)
YAY congratulations on the job offer - I really hope it works out!!
and I hope the gas leak doesn't cost too much!! we've had that before which is another reason I can't stand seeing people flick cigarette butts out their car window!! nevermind the littering - some of us may BLOW UP!! hehehe
as for the inappropriate email - again I find myself saying what the hell is wrong with people? but then I think I’ve probably been guilty of being inappropriate myself – not necessarily sexually (although not necessarily NOT either) I definitely come up with some off the wall comments because I don’t think before I speak (or type)
for that reason I tend to hang around people who can handle that sort of thing… which may be another clue to the ‘mystery’ of why I have ‘so few friends’ hehehe
Can I just say, by the way, that Jason's comment had exactly the same effect on me?
I think I may hang on to it as one of my new 'truths' in life.
Rose - Glad you stopped by, my blog hopping has been a bit erratic lately, so I appreciate it!
Heidi - You know, anger has always been my motivator, so once I feel held down enough, the gloves come off and it's a free for all on my end. That's when I come out swinging and doing things with me in mind! Very happy to know that you'll stick with me! =)
Bean - Smut related...hmmm, if only I'd thought to ask that one the interview!
Kyknoord - LOL! Yes! Hey, wait... how did you know?! Has he propositioned you before, too?!
Motor - Gee, if only this darned pond weren't in the way... =) Besides, everyone flirts differently, there may already be someone trying to catch your eye over there... you have to pay close attention!
Stacy - Ok, ok, while it does sound suspiciously like stalking, it's the kind I welcome! =) Not creepy at all!
Kitty - I should hear more in a day or wo on the job offer, so we'll see. Yeah, I've been living in fear of wayward cigarette butts; hopefully I can get this fixed soon, I don't need the stress!
You know, I'm the same way, I often speak then think. Actually, the thinking part is optional... and I know I've made sexual comments that were a bit shocking but they were also directed toward people that know how to take me, you know? Yeah, my list of friends is not extensive and that is a big part of it. That and I can't keep my mouth shut when someone is being an ass. Hearing that tends to irritate people; go figure.=) I do have tact and occasional diplomacy, it just depends on what sort of phase I'm in. Or if I like you. Of you are wearing red... Or....
Terri - Isn't that great? So simple yet it makes so much sense. It's like he slipped it in under the radar and perhaps that's why it hit like it did.
Yeah for the job offer. Boo for the icky email.
I'm late, everyone has already said stuff, and repetition can be boring.
Fence - Being late is fine. =) Oh, and I think he's getting the idea about the smut mail. Haven't had any for almost 2 days!
I'm waaaaaay late due to being away for a few days so it really HAS all been said. Instead, therefore, I'll just leave this:-
{insert sound of party-poppers, odd paper blowing things and popping of corks}
Carpy - Welcome back from your get-away! And thank you for such a 'festive' comment! =)
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