I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
(Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve)
So. I think I recall something about saying I'd update you when I got a call back from the director at UPMC. Well, the call has been completed...
Just as I suspected, it's very tempting. I asked for some time, until Friday, to make my decision. I'm thinking I'll be taking every moment until 4:59pm that day to make the call. To be honest, it's not so much the job, that's fine. She even mentioned that I might want to consider an upcoming Lead Tech position, which makes me think that I must've made a good first impression. One hard part is reacclimating to a city, but most of that shouldn't be too hard, really. The part that absolutely kills me is that I would feel like I am leaving my Gram high and dry. And alone. That, I think, is the most difficult part. So I have 2.5 days to come to some sort of conclusion.
I'm one of those people that believes that if you screw up decisions in your life, they will come back to haunt you. Well, not haunt you, but you will find yourself in similar situations again and again until you make the 'right' decision. Gee, no pressure there...lol.
This makes me feel good; I like having options. To think that I might be embarking upon a new chapter is rather exciting. At this time, I'm inclined to accept, but shock won't let me fully come to terms with that.
Whew... time for a brain cell tango! =)
22 comments:
I'm one of those people who has discovered that if you screw up something in your life, some amazing opportunity will come along that would have never happened to you in a million years if you hadn't done something stupid. I love life adventures!
I'm sure you'll make the right decision. It's a hard choice either way, but you have to decide what's right for you.
well as my grandpa puts it, if U don take yr chances they will fly away for good.
I say take the chance & give it a go.
Whatever decision you make, if it is made for the right reasons and there are NO regrets afterwards, then you have made the right one.
Good Luck...
Choices, decisions, dilemmas... Hate those.
Make sure the one factor you consider when making that decision is yourself.
It sounds like your main consideration is Gram. What options does she have? I don't know how old she is, but is there someone that can look after her? You can't say no to the opportunity. I know it is a tough one, but I also agree with Anne. It is all about you!!
LW it sounds like a great opportunity. So what does your Gram say?
I can relate to that situation with your Gram....I'm kinda the same way with my own mom (she's 71). Honestly, my mom and The PK's mom are two of the MAIN reasons The PK and I are still living where we are. Well, that and the fact that I'm a GREAT BIG WUSS and I'd get SO homesick, I'd probably die.
You, however, sound like you're ready for some change...a new adventure...a new beginning.
Good luck with your decision! :)
well there's obviously some reason you started this job search in the first place....
but what do you think your Gram would tell you to do? chances are she'd want you to do what's best for YOU.... somewhere in your heart you know what that is - you'll figure it out :)
We knew they wold love U :) I know how it feels to leave loved ones behind, but this soudns to me to eb a greta opportunity and I bet ur Gram wnats U to take soemthign that is good for U too ;)
I believe in that "karma" thing too. . .but I also think that this time, U ahev an ooprtunity that has to be lived fully ;)
Good luck w the decision.
Tough decision. Good luck with figuring out exactly what you want, and what you need to do.
I'm sure you will make the right choice!
What is a brain cell tango? I'm sure that my brain cells would like to learn.
hmmm, tough one.
take granny with you! tie her to the roof rack and haul ass to the big city!
but seriuosly, you'll probably be missing out if you turn down the job, but on the other hand there'll be other jobs. I don't think there's really a wrong decision.
keep on tangoin'
Suzi - That is very true, too! We never know why we get places sometimes; you know, what subtle shifts guided us there.
John - It IS a hard choice. Can I pay you $20 to make it for me? Pleeese?! =)
Dr O2 - Those certainly sound like wise words. Taking the chance is quite tempting...
Chitty - You're right, I need to focus less on the actual decision and more on the reasons behind them. Thanks!
Anne - I'm the worst at considering myself with things like this. Won't you just come and move with me? Please?
Buddess - You are exactly right - she is my main concern. She's 84 and I'm basically the only one. Her one daughter is useless and my mom can only do so much (they are like oil and water). I've sort of assumed this role as she practically raised me as a girl - I'd feel guilty about turning my back on her. I'm not sure she'd understand.
Terri - Exact words? "I'm not stopping you" paired with pursed lips. Then she won't look at me or speak to me for the rest of the day. Yep, stubborn. She doesn't talk about how she feels so I'm left to handle both sides of it.
Stacy - Sometimes the responsibility we feel to family, I don't know, it's unnatural. It overrides what we may otherwise do even when the relationships aren't the healthiest. I think I am ready for a new adventure, though. We'll see.
Kitty - Yeah, I started it because poverty is so not my thing. =) I do think she wants what's best for me but she is so damned stubborn that she make everything so difficult. You never know when she's being genuine. And she can hold a grudge like no one's business!!!
Me - I'm trying to take all things into consideration without going into overload status. Having an opportunity is kind of foreign; it's been so long that I'm not sure how to handle it. Kind of feel like I should poke it with a stick or something...lol.
Fence - Yep, wanting and needing... two totally different things but both must be taken into consideration. Thanks for the reminder.
Nomad - I'll set up lessons for that tango with you next week. And I'll try not to step on your toes... =)
Prisoner - I told her I'd take her with me, even if against her will! =) Jobs around here are far from plentiful, so that's one of the reasons I feel I need to act on this. Frustration.
mine can hold a grudge from beyond the grave - when I was 19 or so I decided to skip her birthday party and hang out with my friends - I kinda lied and told her I had no ride and when she got me one I made up some other excuse – next time I saw her she laid a nice big guilt trip on me and then croaked before her next birthday!! forever guaranteeing that I'll never skip another relatives birthday as long as I live!! - I'm convinced she knew she was dying and that's why she laid it on so thick!! hehehe
There is a fine line between helping family (in this instance, your Gram) and sacrificing your life. While I highly respect the role you are playing in your Gram's life, I don't accept the the notion that a young person's life should be lessened or minimized in favor of an older person who has enjoyed the very freedoms and opportunities being denied to the younger. In short, your Gram should understand that you are entitled to live your life. If she doesn't, that's her failing, not yours.
Besides, you said yourself she won't be alone. Her relationship with her daughters might not be the best, but she is directly responsible for them, after all. She raised them.
Sorry to be blunt, but I want to see you look out for yourself first. Only then do you have the privilege of looking out for others.
That’s wonderful that they’re interested in you… This latest job offer of yours seems to be better than the previous ones. Not only they offered you the job, they’re offering you a lead position to choose. I like that :)
Your gram’s situation must be very difficult for you to deal with… I understand the pressure :(
And I’m sure you are going to come up with the best solution on how to deal with it.
Good luck 2 you L. and all the best :)
Kitty - Then you know exactly what it's like! =) And it's also been a part of my life (taking care of her) for so long that I don't know really know how to NOT do it. I think, 'she's 84, she could go at any time (any of us could, really) so I should be here for her'. The big flaw there is that she could also live to be 99 and then I'll be 50 years old and in the same situation... that is not pretty...lol.
Jason - I appreciate blunt, trust me. And I know what you are saying is dead on; it's all about retraining my thought processes and being able to justify my own needs. So, can I perhaps hire you to be my therapist or something??? What you say hits right where it needs to for me. Thanks =)
Farzad - You're right, this seems to be a better offer. They must see some potential in me that I've lost sight of over the past few years and that is really a wake up call. Part of me is scared to make a change this big, but the rest of me knows I can handle it. It's a bit scary. Right now Gram is the big obstacle, or rather, my guilt over that. Well, I have approximately 40 hours to make my decision - any more time and I'd drive myself mad! =)
Listen, darl, I said yes already. But you have no idea what you're in for...
C'mon, you know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it.
So... today's decision day. No pressure :-)
Good luck!
Anne - Give me the brief rundown - I think I can take it... =)
Kyknoord - You are so pursuasive...
Terri - I know... that's why I'm about to throw up. =)
AnneBrev - Hey there! (My crunk is doing well, btw.) belated is fine, all points of view are welcome. Honestly. Anyway, Gram is not interested in coming along, which has it's good points and bad points. Most of it is my guilt over 'ditching' her. It's about 3 hours away so quick trips are not a problem, which should be nice. That really is the toughest part of my choice... I think a change would be good for me, too. I really appreciate your take on this!
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