We're stuck inside our own machine.
Ever get the idea that you should hold your breath and get ready to duck? Well, I'm getting that feeling now. There are signals and something not unlike civil unrest darting about in front of me. Like in the movies when someone in a forest 'sees' faeries - they sense them, their movement, but only get the occasional furtive glance. Unfortunately, I don't think I am sensing something as benign as faeries. Perhaps it is the manifestation of yet another manic phase, which would not be surprising, but either way, perception is everything. I've reached for my clonazepam a couple of times this week which doesn't usually happen but at least I had it to fall back on. Everything seems to be a battle lately and I could just use some rest; instead I feel edgy, suspicious, and apprehensive. Yay me. It seems like a logical choice to want to hole up in my house, crawl into bed, and hide. However, I know my life and it's patterns and that tells me that whether this is an astrologically based shift, voodoo, someone's penny wish in the fountain or a manic phase, there will be no hiding. This is the part where I want to whine. Alot. Instead I will carry on as usual - no use in taking action against something that hasn't even happened. Right? Right! In the mean time... don't test my limits, there's not much left to test. And don't mind the twitch.
1 comment:
I know the feeling--all too well I must say. I find that when I get anxious like that it helps to just close my eyes and breath deeply for a few minutes.
I go through cycles that seem to correspond with the phases of the moon. As the moon is waxing I seem to get increasingly anxious, and as it wanes I seem to sink into depressed states.
I'm not a huge believer in astrology, but I have observed this to be true. If you think about it, the moon controls the tides of the ocean, so why wouldn't it have an effect on humans, whose bodies are 75% water? Just a thought.
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