Well. Six days from now I see my new PhD/Nurse Practitioner who will attempt to medicate me. Bring it on, sista. If I get much more impulsive or mean or moody I will join a circus in Outer Mongolia as a blindfolded and highly caffeinated knife thrower. And we all know I don't like circuses or harsh weather. But that seems like the only place I'd fit in. Although I really don't like to use the word 'never', I will never be taking lithium again given my last stint in the ER so we embark on this journey again sampling other tasty goodies that will either make me worse (not voting for that), do nothing, or help. Oh fucking JOY.
It would be nice to be able to make a decision right now. My pc is croaking and I'm literally about to vomit because I can't commit to which model to buy. Truly, my screen is going blank and I still can't commit. Gotta love the Hypomania switch that has been flipped on. Key Ryst! I was toying with tattoo ideas about 2-3 months ago and had to delay it due to having to pay $1000 in car repairs. See, medicated, I can make these prioritizing sorts of decisions. Unmedicated and in a phase, you'd better take away all my credit cards because I'm about to have enough tattoos to legitimately blend with the aforementioned circus. If I can't decide on one, why not several? Well, money for one, duh.
One thing I'm learning through all this. Fuck you. No really, I mean it. Fuck you. I'm sorry I'm a horrid individual right now but I'm not being that way on purpose. Despite my best efforts, that is a by product of what is going on in my head. Like I said, when my neurotransmitters have formed a mosh pit, we're all screwed and you know, you just aren't on the top of my list... I have to be on the top of my list. I need to get on an even keel and through that, I will be nicer. I am not intentionally evil and irrational. Right now, those just happen to be two of my finer points.
So I will try to sleep. Already swallowed the little blue pill (no, not Viagra, smart ass) with a Mike's and hope to get a bit of sleep. Tomorrow may be the day I get a new computer and I've got to have enough strength to NOT have a breakdown over it.
But in the mean time, let me share a photo. I'm not sure how I missed this guy, but then again, yeah, I know how I missed him. Basically I don't care nor do I pay attention. He's a musician. I listen. My job is done. Why do I care what they actually look like? So he went under the radar. Until today. Yes... this is part of the obsessing that comes along with the hypomania, just to clarify. What hooked me was the dark hair. Pair it with the light eyes and I'm there. I think I find this attractive because I've wished for YEARS that my hair was dark and I always wanted either darker or very light eyes. Needless to say, I apparently find that attractive in someone else. Maybe it's more 'striking'. He does have tattoos of crows across his chest, which is a total bonus. How I can also find the intelligent, nerdy type just as attractive is beyond me. Guess I'm just really good at being bipolar, haha. So... without further ado...
Meet DJ Ashba. He's been under the radar for quite some time. Could be a total douchebag for all I know but I didn't get past the hair/eyes combo. I truly don't care if he is, either, because I'll forget about him in a week or two; that's what happens in my head. Anyway, there's a link if you want to know something about who this random guy is.
And on that note, I'm off to bed. Haha, a pun.. Note. Talking about music. Ha. (Really, not intended. If I'd intended to insert a pun I'd have tried to at least make it amusing.) Must get up in the morning and continue emotionally dragging myself over the barbed wire. Good times, good times.
I hate this template today. *sigh*
5 comments:
Your template is fine, though if I squint it does occasionally resemble either a) the inside of a womb or b) blood spatter pattern (usually when I've OD'd on CSI repeats).
I'm hoping that today wasn't too much of a pain in the ass and that new PC / laptop has been acquired with minimum stress.
LOL @ gingerdolly !!!
I hope your new doc can help you, LW. You're very amusing when you're in this state but I get tired just reading you.
BTW I'm afraid your latest object of lust doesn't do it for me at all. P'raps I'm too busy fantasizing about Eric the Viking Vampire from True Blood. Yum. Yum yum yum. Drool.
GingerDolly - That is what I was thinking... blood! Not that blood bothers me but it was like it was distracting me; as I'm sure blood dripping down any monitor would do. ;) Got the laptop and it is sitting in the box looking at me. I have to know that I can be able to focus on setting it up before I get started considering I have the attention span of a gnat AND a major obsessive streak going on at the same time.
Terri - I hope so, too ~ big day is tomorrow! Yeah, I tire me out, too. I read those books well before the show came on and I just haven't been able to bring myself to watch it! I'm afraid that it would be like reading a book then being disappointed in the movie. There is something about that viking blood, tho, lol!
Terri ;-) I have a rather large soft spot for a certain viking vamp as well. Though as a five foot woman I suspect his rather magnificent height may defeat me somewhat.
LW - hope today went ok. I get what you're saying about the laptop, its not just a case of switching it on and BOOM! HERE WE GO!!! There's every bloody programme you need to be transferred. Every file you need. Every web site to be re-entered and password recalled. Gak!
I'm going to try that today or tomorrow.... just not up for it but I have to get this thing out of the box. What a pain in the ass.
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