Nope, not dead, just sick. And busy. That is a really lousy combination. At the moment I'm watching a game and wishing that the announcers didn't scream everything. I could do without that.
So, I've had this upper respiratory thing and pre/post URI I've been being worked to death on the job. We just found out that the past several months during this computer system switch were made about 18 times harder than it had to be because they sent us 'the wrong people'. I hate them. I want to do very bad things to them. So we've been fighting a losing uphill battle. Finally there's a glimmer of hope but we all feel angry, used, made fools of... just like our time and efforts were useless, because basically they were.
I think I am taking this personally because I want to have a solid grip on things. When I don't, I take it as a shortcoming on my part. I know this is not my fault but it is habit for me to feel that way so it is hard to override the logic. Very draining. And it has made me think.
Of course I'm questioning where I am (literally, as in my current address) and my job, and there's some health stuff in there. Want to know the funny part? I can't think about it long enough to really come to a conclusion; it's as if I keep forgetting to think about it. Perhaps my meds are working too well and although it is great to be calm for once and just experience regular emotions, I don't function on just regular emotions. I don't know how. Years of bipolarity took care of that. I'm going to back off on my meds slightly just to get my brain going, not enough to bring on a phase of any sort. The only reason I know how to do this is because every now and then I forget a dose or two - I know how far I can take it safely. See, I'm entering the uber-apathy zone and I recall that my last bout with that (taking the last job in Pittsburgh or going back to my former job here in Ohio) was a dangerous place to perch. But I'm learning, I see the signs. If I could only see the answers.
Working overtime, being sick, and watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs has kept me from posting, blog hopping, etc but I'm going to try to fit a little in. I miss seeing what everyone is up to.
Maybe next time I'll tell you about my new theory.
4 comments:
A new theory? Can't wait. Your theories are always interesting.
So isn't it great to have someone else that you can blame, for a change, and it really is their fault? Fantastic.
I want one of those. Someone to blame everything on. 'Cos I'm tired of it being me. It'll have to be someone I despise though, not someone I care about.
Or someone I don't know.
Can I borrow your guys?
Ahem. This post-holiday blues thing is the pits.
Happy monday.
Sending hugs. I’ve been a bit AWOL as well, thou my reasons were slightly more flippant. Spring, outdoors, gardening and a total apathy for PC related activities seduced me somewhat from blogging / writing / anything that involves engaging brain rather than hands or feet. I’m enjoying this while I can: a great cloud of grass pollen is imminently about to descend upon Britain as we hit high summer and my life will be reduced to snot and tears.
Hope the respiratory illness is clearing up; there is absolutely nothing worse than not being able to breathe properly. And med reduction is working out as you hope.
You take care, GD (abandoning her tin knickers for spring knickers) xx
You been away, too, i see!
I shall have to read all ithis at least thrice before it all sinks into my tired brain
Back later!
S.xxx
Terri - You are more than welcome to blame my people. They deserve every bit of it and then some.
Ginger Doll - Enjoy the snot free time while it lasts; experience reminds us it's no fun.
Saturnyne - I'm always away to some extent. ;)
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