Which is pretty much why I don't think I will be going tomorrow. Today, I went to calling hours and it was difficult. Not like it is ever an easy thing to do, but I ended up going myself and really having a hard time. On the way there, I got the red light at the intersection where he was killed. All sorts of things going through my head... where was he when he collided with the car... where was he thrown off... how many people saw... am I driving right over the spot where he took his last breath?
The accident happened Sunday, 7.15 (which is when I found out about it) but his name wasn't publicly released until 7.17, 48 hours later. It is hard to know something that long and not be able to tell people out of respect for the family. After he was named in the article, the obituary followed shortly thereafter. The details of the accident are still not clear.
Today his sister told me that the family wasn't even permitted to see him until yesterday, so it would seem that it took three days for them to put him back together. Yes, it was open casket. Interestingly, my first thought was that he was in a suit and that seemed so very strange to me. I've always seen him in hospital scrubs or casual clothes.
I would really like to make it to the funeral service at the church tomorrow (the burial proper is private) but as it is, I've taken this rather hard. Tomorrow, with the closing of the casket, it will be even moreso and I'm not sure I feel I have any right to stand there sobbing when the family has had such a tragic loss and they are holding it together better than I am.
With that, I think I will look back at today as my goodbye. The silliest, most engaging, logically crazy, unique, twisted, fun, shoot-from-the-hip guy I've ever known has left the building. Again, my friend, someday.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your friend. We don't have a tradition of open caskets here in the UK (well, not since the Victorians), and it always seems a little odd to our sensibilities that it seems so popular in the states.
You're as usual being way to harsh on yourself. Your grief is no less legitimate than his family's. But this is a lovely eulogy to an obviously much loved guy.
Take care.
Bonequeen ~ thank you. It was, and still is difficult. Time will make things better.
I've never been comfortable with the entire viewing thing, but there are more people here that have open casket. Suppose some people need that closure.
Thanks for the good thoughts. xoxo
Hi my friend, i am so sorry that i didn't comment sooner ... i hope you are getting stronger ... the loss of Mojo is also a sad thing indeed. You have them all in your heart.
Carrot ~ Hello dear. Not to worry, I've had little time to even get back here. It is easier every day, but tomorrow will be another reminder; the way to get into town (without going crazy-out-of-my-way) takes me right to the intersection where Ken was killed. But it will get better. Neither will be forgotten, guaranteed.
I think grief is understandable. I mean if someone dies that you cared about, even if only in a small way, then it is natural to be affected. Sometimes families will hold it together better at a funeral only because dealing with something so immediately for the time leading up to then, and being reminded of it so much has run the tears dry. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, if he was good enough for you to be upset, then i'm sure he is a great loss to the world. More hugs to you xoxo
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