Not that I'm complaining, but.... (you know what's coming, don't you?)

I'll tell you about my little trip to Canada and my wonderful concerts and maybe share a pic or five later, but I need to just vent.

So I mentioned how my health in regard to medications has just taken a nose dive, right?  The ER visits, the hospitalization, the fear of death.  Ok.  So by this time, the medication should by all means be out of my system unless I lack a particular cytochrome pathway that would prevent it from leaving my system.  Although the idea of ME having that issue is always a possibility given my track record, it is very highly unlikely.  Even for me.

So I still am having heart palpitations and upon having a monitor strapped to me for 24 hours, we've learned that my heart is skipping beats.  Not a huge deal, really.  Just that it should have gone away by now.  And for the record, I'm so much better ~ it's just that I've got these odd symptoms that aren't really going away and I'm not so sure I can pin it all on anxiety (I'm really NOT a panic-attack sort of person) especially since I'm on low dose Klonopin around the clock. 

My body still tingles, I have this weird startle reflex linked to sound (if I see someone about to slam a car door, I should expect it and not be startled by the sound, yet it sends a physical jolt through my entire body) and I still have a hard time swallowing.  And then it hit me...

Nine years on lithium, including two bouts of lithium toxicity in the past 9 months or so, one bout of severe medication intolerance from the Topamax (for a sleep disorder) and then this last adverse reaction that landed my chunky monkey butt in the hospital.  Hmmm... all of those meds are known to be hard on the thyroid, especially lithium.  And my mother has Grave's Disease, which was marked by hyperthyroidism.  (You see it coming, don't you?)  So I asked my regular doc to run some basic thyroid tests on me... and guess who is now hyperthyroid?  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  Yep... me!  So the overactive thyroid is like having adrenaline running through your system at all times, which does explain the odd startle reflex.  And if my thyroid is enlarged, it explains the feeling like something is stuck in my throat.  And some other continued abnormalities.

In December my thyroid test was normal which leads me to believe this second bout of lithium tox did me in and this last med may have sealed the deal.  I don't know if it is limited to my thyroid or an entire adrenal malfunction.  I managed to get an appt with an endocrinologist next Thursday.  He can run more appropriate labs and tell me if this is reversible, if it is a simple thyroiditis or actually Grave's Disease, which is auto immune.  And how we fix it.  And if my heart will go back to normal then since what I'm experiencing is all potentially associated.

When I was hospitalized, not one physician ordered a thyroid test, even though I have a family history and was repeatedly telling them that I felt like my body was vibrating and that I had difficulty swallowing.  Of course, I think they were focusing more on keeping my heart working and keeping my blood pressure down, so given the choice, I support their decision to focus on that!  Still - that really should have been tested.  Oh well, water under the bridge.

So one more thing for me to face.  I mean, it is what it is.  No use griping about it.  I just wanted to get this out of my system so that I can come to terms with the fact that what was supposed to cure me, is taking me apart piece by piece.  The irony of it all is that I work in pharmacy.  I can't even stand to be around all these drugs anymore.  Truly.  Other than the one week of this last med that had me hospitalized, I've been off all meds for bipolar since 5.5.11. Of course I'm thrilled to not feel like I'm on death's doorstep anymore.  Maybe still on the property, but surely not the doorstep.  ;)  It will be tended to, just like everything else.  I'm reminded, by working in the hospital, that I'm more fortunate than many and I am thankful for that.  I suppose I'm just weary.  I just want to feel like my old crappy self again.  After all this, in hindsight it wasn't so bad ~ in comparison.

Life is funny that way, sometimes.