There is something fundamentally wrong with me. I mean, I knew this and have said it on different occasions, it just seems to be culminating in this chaotic vaccuum at the moment.
Given some time and planning I think I'll be leaving. I mean everywhere. No forwarding address. For some reason I can't interact with others. Nothing will ever be right with me. These are things I can't change and for as many years as I've been alive, no one has found a way to help me.
I'll leave, reinvent, and struggle again - just in a new place with new people. Maybe I can learn to keep my distance and my mouth shut. Or maybe just one. I can't keep going on hurting people I care about, and even myself. If I can narrow down the list, then I will have met with success.
Something is just wrong and I don't think there is a way to fix it.
2 comments:
I am not sure what to say to this, except that I hope you will not go too far away, and that I keep you in my thoughts.
Jarvenpa - You are an absolute dear. I think I will always keep some connection here, this IS my sanity/insanity outlet. I'm afraid though that in the 'real' world I will have to take drastic measures and all but sever ties. I may have to move/repeat that every few years, but it's the only way I can think to protect those around me as well as me - because it does take a toll.
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