As time went on it would come to be that I taught her trust and she taught me patience. As her health began to decline last year, I did everything I could and she responded well. The past six months were markedly difficult with me administering medications and IV fluids. She still found joy in daily life and so I cared for her, even as she began losing so much weight that I called her 'my little supermodel'.
Last week I came home from work and knew she had taken a turn for the worst. All night and through the morning I stayed awake and by her side. Showing signs of certain distress, yet not necessarily pain, I knew that I'd have to do the only thing for her that I could. She trusted me. I could not fail her.
Her brave battle ended one week ago. My sweet little girl has moved on. Life is no longer a struggle for her; for me, that is an entirely different story. Logic tells me that I did what was right for her, and I believe that. Somehow I thought that understanding that would make it easier on me. I was very, very wrong. I am not doing well without her.
My heart aches from the loss. I don't know how to live without her yet. For all the time there is, there is never enough, is there? Goodbye, Isabella. All the love in the world.
~
8 comments:
i'm so sorry for your loss, sweetie. hang in there. xoxo.
awww =(
I'm sorry for your loss
the other day I realized my Willow is 14 years old now - I cry just at the THOUGHT of the day we have to say goodbye
with any luck she'll be like my mother's last 2 cats and live to be at least 18 or better yet maybe she'll be a record breaker
yeah!! =)
anyway - HUGS for you... it WILL get better
It is so wonderful that you found each other all those years ago. Animals are so much better for us than people sometimes.
How very sad that Isabella is gone now; my heart aches with yours.
{{hugs}}
xx
It recedes, but you're right. Just because it was the right thing to do doesn't make it feel any better. I lost my Bob (small, smelly Jack Russell, turned up on morning already very old and stayed for four years) almost 18 months ago. I keep meaning to send her ashes onto the stars on her fav beach, but every time I pick up that little green box I can't do it because I can't let her got. Not just yet.
Each grief is individual. I had Miss Sally (large, stroppy, collie shaped lump) to pick me up. I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now, without that constant, unquestioning companionship. But you gave Isabella just as much as she gave you (that's one very content cat on those photos).
I'm so sorry, my love, so sorry.
GD xx
~A friend of mine claims that animals come into our lives to bring out the best in us. When they have fulfilled that mission, it is their time to leave as their job is done.~
Kate - Thank you, I'm trying as hard as I can.
Kitty - Thank you. I hope your furry has many years. As I assume my psychotic one will...
Terri - Thank you for sharing in this. I also believe animals often outrank humans. And they really don't even try, it's just who they are. =)
Ginger - Thank you for the thoughts. I think perhaps Bob wants to hang around with you for a while longer. You'll know if and when the time is right to set her free. I would still give her more if only I could. Life is funny that way and no matter if I had ten more years, I'd still feel that it was not enough.
She is a beautiful cat and you gave her so much.
But I know about the never enough. I hope you find comfort.
The other night I dreamed of my beautiful cat Destiny, who died in the autumn. I could touch her soft, soft fur and I could hear her constant reassuring purr in my dream; it was so real.
Maybe...I don't know..your beautiful cat and mine are together in some way.
I think when I die if there's a heaven, I hope I go to the one where our pets are congregating :-}
Jarvenpa - Logically, we know that it's enough. There is a part of us that will just not believe it, though. That sounds like a beautiful dream; perhaps one day I'll have one like that. Of course it has to be hard to wake up and realize it is just a dream. Nonetheless, it must surely be worth it.
Ginger - I have to laugh at that - I will have an entire herd. I worry that they are so much better than me and we would not be together, but I can hold out hope for just that reason! =)
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