My world is getting smaller. It is as if I have dictated it and so it shall be. Only I don't specifically recall doing so. Somehow, this shrinking feeling quiets me; but only when it is not frightening me.
I've been seeing things, you know. Dark things. Small skittering things. I catch them at the corner of my eye and they are gone before I ever knew what they were. They come more frequently now. Perhaps they are bits of old life, saying goodbye.
There is this saying that comes to mind. Sort of. I'm so bad with them. I mix up their words and meanings like random names in a hat. When I checked into this one, I was on. Funny how every now and then I remember one and in the end, it's one I wish I hadn't. Life is funny like that.
Here are some of the words - here is the song. Match it to my post title when you click. Some might say that this is a sad kind of song, but I don't really. Not happy; resolve maybe. Dallas Green has clever words for my small world.
A coma might feel better than this -
attempting to discover, where to begin.
You are weighed down.
You are full of something
sickness and desertion.
You are weighed down.
You're underneath it all.
So say goodbye to love
and hold your head up high.
There's no need to rush.
We're all just waiting... waiting to die.
(City and Colour ~ Waiting
2007/Bring Me Your Love)
10 comments:
Your small skittering things could be from being tired. I get that from lack of sleep, myself. But I have a feeling that's not what you mean, but it could be, considering the pneumonia (... actually it could be side-effects of medication for that..?) and the stress you're under from your mom.
Hang in there; you may not be as crazy as you think you are
xxx
Underneath it all.
Much of our lives are spent bouncing between those moments when we are under it and on top of it all.
"Waking up" by itself, can be a pretty great thing when you wonder if you will.
peace
Hey Livewire, hang in there!
peace
this is why the first line of my latest post said what it said. you feeling the same way makes me feel like i'm not alone, somehow. and i thought i was seeing things, too, but it was just the television casting light and shadow on my glass table. so much for celebrating my sixth sense. ;)
i've missed being here.
I'm trying to think of what to say to you... I'm always handing out words of wisdom to all the people in my life who seem to think I'm the freakin' oracle or something - but it's not as easy when the words needed are words you need to hear yourself
all I can say is hang in there - it may get worse before it gets better... but it's bound to get better eventually!! =)
HUGS
damn girl. when it rains, it freaking pours. i'm thinking of you. hugs, babe.
Terri - Lol, I'm always as crazy as I think I am. But I know what you mean about being tired and stressors having that sort of effect on you; It has been going on a little while and I think it is a combination of reasons but it would be so easy to think of them as taunting, impish spirits, no?
Anonant - How true. I had a time in my life where I was certain I was dying. Told myself I'd learn to be grateful for even the bad days. Perhaps I've forgotten that?
Illyria - Before reading others' posts, I write mine. Which is why I often smile in surprise to find that we've once again chosen the same thought, words, or feeling at the same time.
Kitty - Yeah, I can't picture you living in the Oracle's apartment in the Matrix; not you at all! ;) Yeah, we both know it can not only hit bottom but flounder around down there for a while. 'Better' is an option and I do believe in it! xo
KT - Yeah, that's kind how life goes now and then, eh? As my friend says - 'still beats the road to Baghdad!'
Dear heart, I hope both you and your mother will be getting much much better, and very soon. The skittering things--I've seen them in my darker moments, and in some light ones as well.
But then, there is also a skittery grey thing, but...that's Finnegan, the wild and silly, dashing around pretending to catch the black skitterers. Or maybe catching them.
Since cats do astral very well, maybe he can nab some of yours too.
Oh, I have been seeing those darting black things too. ..too bad that in my case they end up being cockroaches: we are having an infestation at home!
Jarvenpa - Perhaps I can borrow Finnegan? Mine is apparently on strike in every way. I think when I see these things they are manifestations based in reality. My stress level is up so any shadow or glint of light or fuzz, etc, illicits the same response... Stress, see something, corner of your eye, be aware, take note... even if it is something harmless. Perhaps just heightened visual sensitivity?
Tigress - Ack!!! Well, if it is any consolation (and it most likely won't be...) I've got small furry ones... tis the time of year when mice and mole alike pack their bags and try to move in for the winter. I've humanely trapped and released 6 this week. They are cuter than cockroaches, though. Can you trade species? ;)
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