I can't believe that it has been 14 years and I've never committed to any one theory. It just makes my heart heavy. Something, just something about it that I can't seem to shake. One year I was listening to a show about it on the radio and as I was sitting and writing; next thing I'm on the verge of hyperventilating and barely redirect my hand before I plunge the pen into my left hand that was resting on the paper, holding it in place. Yeah, it's that intense. But I carry that level of intensity with me at all times and it comes out when it sees fit. I have no say in the matter.
Granted, I'm a fan but this is more about a connection I'm making between him, the music and molding it to fit my interpretation. In some ways, this has almost made me protective over him, which I find a bit strange. Somehow, I appreciated him more dead; I can't even pretend to get that.
To be sure, much of what I feel is symbolic, reflecting and reminding me of a very important time in my life. Symbolism makes sense; after all, my interest seems to increase every year just about this time. But it's not just that. 
I suppose it sounds stupid to say, but I think his death got me to look at how he presented himself in life. Somewhere in that haze, the mirror seems a bit too close. Personally, I think he wore it all out there for everyone to see and most took it to be a simple act, not at face value. I think that for as loud as he was made out to be, he was literally suffering in silence. We all have demons, right?
~~ February 1967 - April 1994 ~~ 
Check out both links (top and bottom). Any theories on his death?
17 comments:
When U feel it, do U also smell the teen spirit? ;)
I was on my way to a friend's birthday party when I heard the news: Driving over the I-94 overpass outside of south Ypsilanti MI. Totally remember that moment.
Anyway, my theory on Kurt's death can be explained by the picture of him playing with the kitten. He didn't realize that there was nothing more complicated in life than that moment.
Tigress - If I could smell it I swear I'd have to get a big can of air freshener to combat it. HUGE can! Ick! =)
M - Until I'd decided to post this, I'd never seen that pic with the kitten. It really says alot and I knew I had to post that one for sure, if no other.
For as much as I claim to hate them at times, humans fascinate me. In this case, it overwhelms me, mainly when they all start talking about it every year. And if I hear the song in the first link unexpectedly.
That picture, though - man.
ahh Nirvana unplugged... possibly the best live album EVER!!
Nirvana really shook up the music scene that's for sure. The amazing thing is how Dave Grohl (the drummer for Nirvana) now plays guitar and sings with Foo Fighters.
That guy's pretty darn talented.
Ben O.
Daaaaave Grohhhhl...
~DROOL~
Kitty - That is usually nearby for me - love it! As for Dave Grohl... too bad he's NOT nearby for me... ;)
Ben - Talent-wise, I'd say Grohl trumps Cobain without a doubt. I like his range and ability to switch gears (what seems to be) effortlessly. [Ok, and it doesn't hurt that he has an 'adorable factor' of like, 169.2...] I'd love to hear him live, and there aren't many people I can say that about.
Kitty - With your two comments viewable in one screen, it's like watching some sort of 'synchronized lunatic swimming' olympic event...hahaha!!
~ adding one more lunatic to the pool ~
I gotta say I'd love to hear him live too!! about an inch from my ear... panting... or grunting... or whatever 'sounds' he makes - HA!
...and off on a curveball, Mr Grohl's best mate Josh Homme, QOTSA, now thats a bad, bad man. I'd play with him anytime...especially covered with food and sweat a la Sick, Sick, Sick video. If I ever got to share hom and Jack White I'd die a seriously debauched but happy woman.
Seriously, I love the unplugged album as well. I particularly love 'The Man who Sold the World'. After the fact, it became such a desperately sad song (it always was, but it became even more poignant). I used to dance violently to Nirvana when I went clubbing, and I didn't realise what a void Cobain would leave when he went. I didn't realise I was dancing to history, all I knew was that the songs filled my veins with fury and let me go into some other place that was all about letting the rage and the anger GO. I'm don't find its a place that's been filled by the Foos, talented as Mr Grohl is.
Jaaaaack Whiiiiite...
~DROOL~
Ginger Doll - It wasn't until, oh, not that long ago I suppose that I actually took a minute to find out what Jack White even looked like. I like him; kind of like something isn't quite right in his head. Guess I like that look. I agree about the rage, anger, fury thing, too. There is no way that The Foos have filled that void. The angst and torment that WAS Cobain dies with him.
Kitty - Hmmm, Grohl, White, and how can we forget Cornell?! ;)
yeahhhhh
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Na, always Mr White. I always thought he looked like he should work in the Necropolis. He'd be a fabulously batty undertaker. He also likes redheaded english chicks (well he married one - she's about three foot taller than me and a supermodel to boot, but hey! We all take a little encouragement from somehwere!)
Kitty - You are enjoying this too much...lol!
Gincer Doll - So what you are saying is that YOU are Mrs. White and the height thing is a camera trick?!
kurt cobain. (sigh) awesome talent.
Acaligurl - Definitely. And a twisty mind I'd have loved to peer into.
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