- I no longer have privacy; I'm actually rather protective of you all and don't want your stuff sitting on the screen waiting to be seen by someone for whom it was not intended. Which is idiotic because all of out stuff is out there for everyone to see. Thing of it is, you get to know a person to a certain extent and become protective. Or maybe I don't want them seeing my comments to you. Either way, if I could pee around the perimeter of my pc and mark it as my territory that would suit me just fine.
- One of the reasons I don't have much privacy is that although I'm not fully on 'suicide watch', I should be. The doc gave me an Rx and a month to get my shit together. How exactly does one 'get together' the urge to drive over a bridge? Anyway, I don't think they have frappuccinos in the psych ward so I'd rather not go.
- Lots of time is spent sitting and reading. I'd knit but no fool would trust me with knitting needles. That and I don't know how to. Living amid chaos it's so important that I stay calm. I very recently had an episode where if my blood pressure would have gone much higher, they'd have taken me out on a stretcher. I've never had an elevated blood pressure and considering that it has not fully retreated to it's norm, I'm working on being mellow. Failing mostly, but working on it. Oh, and I've been doing my nails. Ha. That sounds so girly. But I put my time and effort into coming up with different color schemes and patterns and it is a nice distraction. Yes, those are my real nails in a chrome, disco-ball-glitter-pink, and black color palette.
- In a matter of weeks, both jobs will be gone and I'll have just a part time one with no insurance. Major. Source. Of. Stress.
- In reference to that part time job, I'm out of town and away from my pc for three days each week, typically. No house of my own, no job of my own, living here, staying there throughout the week. Any wonder I feel lost?
- Not to mention the fact that I was supposed to be out of here and not living another deadly winter here. I see the first signs of the seasonal changes and fight off panic attacks. If I see a snowflake I'm sure I'll spontaneously combust.
So it's not that I've forgotten about anyone; far from it. I'm just being pulled in so many directions and not having a pc half the time is really cramping my style. (I have style?!) As soon as I can I want to get back to visiting everyone regularly and having the time to leave comments. Perhaps even post more than once every 10 days, or whatever I've been doing.
Hope everyone is doing well... miss ya
13 comments:
Good God Gertie!!! I didn't know all that was going on in your life! Sheesh, do you have a plateful! But you know, the one thing I really like about you is, even when you hit the lows in life, you always find some humor in it. That is SUCH an amazing thing to me. Don't get me wrong...I realize that feeling like you do is serious stuff...but honestly, I think you should ditch the regular jobs and try writing professionally. You are good, plain as that!
And as far as that BP goes...girl, you need to get that taken care of! That sounded like you were fixing to hit the "stroke" zone.
I'm impressed by your nails. Looking good.
I don't think you need to worry about sporadic posting with whats going on in your life.
Hope things improve. Oh, and knitting is easy, just takes practice
I'm sorry things are so stressful for you. I know how hard it can be sometimes. It's good that you are finding things to distract you. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me sane. I make jewelry when I'm stressed and I'll do it for hours a night if I need to.
We're all pulling for you here.
Ah, you do have style (and nice nails). As to the rest--(no pun intended there)--well, you know you are in my thoughts a lot (you did know, yes?). And anduin is right, we are all here, scattered all over the globe, thinking good thoughts (or wicked ones) and hoping for some ease for you, some good things, and maybe a winter without snow.
um so wait, the suicide watch thing is for real? cuz i thought that was your way of joking around. now i'm worried about ya. hope you get better soon. take care of yourself.
The blog community is a strange thing, like the worry for people. I've not heard from Saturyne for a long while which makes me anxious, although as I only post rarely, I can't really comment. Whilst its not feeling responsible for people, its a hoping that all is well.
I'm hoping all is well, and that things are sorting themselves out for you. You may find the writings of Sebastian Horsely interesting (he's just released a book Dandy in the Underworld) - he struggles with those bridge compulsions as well, though his route out would probably be a cocktail of drugs. He's also very, very funny.
http://sebastianhorsley.typepad.com/sebastian_horsley/
Take care
PS..I'm loving the nails!
i live on an island where the weather is mostly warm. so i'm sending lots of warmth to you, love, thoughts, kisses, what-have-yous.
hoping you are well. xx.
Stacy - And that was really just about 1/2 of what's going on, it gets really intricate. I think I maintain the ability to laugh because losing that would do me in. And I'm stubborn and like to get the last word... or laugh. ;) If I could make a living of some sort writing I'd do it. As you said, I was nearing the stroke zone and that scared me; I felt like crap. Like I needed a stretcher!
Fence - Before I forget, I'm just finishing the last few chapters of Time and Again! So much detail. I'm considering learning how to knit. Then if I have to stay in the tundra during winter I can be warm.
Anduin - Jewelry making - now that's a productive thing to do! Whatever distracts me for the moment, I (like you) find myself doing it as long as need be. =)
Jarvenpa - So, good or wicked thoughts on your part? ;) We do all go through tough times and often I tend to verbalize mine more than some. We have a little community here and it's good to know people have you in their thoughts.
Kate - Well, I have some anger issues, compulsion issues and currently a huge vein of crushing dissapointment and failure mixed in. I'm still looking for the perfect place but I think the meds will kick in before that happens. I've never felt this urge before. The urge to hurt myself, yes; to die, no. The mind is a weird place.
Escapee - You're right, it is hoping all is well. There is a certain amount of helplessness that comes from distance along and so when (for example) you don't talk to Sx, all sorts of scenarios go through your mind. Perhaps he out playing impish trick on the unsuspecting or he's found a wonderful new book series... still, not knowing makes you concerned. Speaking of books, I'll check that out as I'll be done with my current one in a few days - thanks! So, you dig the black tips on the nails? ;)
illyria - Mostly warm? Think there's room for one more on the island? Thank you for the warmth, the what-have-yous, and everything in between!
Thankfully S is well, and caught in the virtual gaming world! I'm about to change my id (again - its changes with my state of mind), from Escapee (that was 2.5 months ago), to GingerDoll (don't ask!). Diff pic to, but if you wonder who it is its me! Same blog, new, improved (hah!) me.
Mr Horsley is one self obsessed critter. I finished the book half amused, half wanting to slap him. Still entertaining mind.
And yes, I dug the nails! I've spent an inordinate amount of time today looking for petrochemical blue nail varnish (mine ran out), alas there is none to be found on this manky cold island!
lj - You have more names than I can keep track of! ;) I understand wanting to change them though. Ginger Doll, I'll have to think about that one... I love trying to figure out things I'll never get an answer to! I'm hoping to check out his site/book over the next few days; rather interested to see what he's about. Well I'm glad you've located S, as long as he's alright the rest can be dealt with. Funny you should mention looking for blue polish - I have a light-ish iridescent one and used to have this awesome dark iridescent one I was just searching for but can't find! Most likey is dried up in a clump somewhere. I have a new idea for the nails - if I do them tonight or tomorrow I'll post a pic for you! There's gotta be at least one bottle of the blue you like there, right? On the entire island? Cold, manky or otherwise? ;)
Very belatedly...
...man, I'm so sorry! I wish I could do something to help. As much as I don't really care for "internet hugs," I am sending a few your way anyhow. T'would be better to sit and talk with you, drink some coffee, eat some pickles (to each her own, right? I love me some pickles...), hang out... but in lieu of that, you'll be in my thoughts. Please take care of you.
Anne - I'm not getting notification in my email - how peculiar. Joining you for coffee and pickles sounds great although I'm not sure I'd dip my pickles in the coffee. Anyway, it's been busy, a bit crazy, and I'm just trying to hold my own, like everyone. I just happen to have a bigger mouth! =) Thanks for the support.
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