Not your ordinary Thanksgivingish sort of post.

First, yes, I'm here.  No I haven't been around, but I'm here.  Too much being dumped on me and as per usual, I'm struggling to carry it all.  Add in the insanity that is a computer thisclose to a full out crash, and, well, there you have it.  

But enough about me.  Or the me that we know today.  We're going back to a much younger me in this post.  Every year, right around this time (meaning Thanksgiving) a thought crosses my mind.  And when it does, it angers me.  

So imagine a young LiVEwiRe somewhere around 12-13 years of age.  Living in a small town, there wasn't much to do so there was this church that offered, oh, I don't know what it was.  It was something like a place for kids of different age groups to get together, talk, hang out, maybe watch a movie, occasionally they had a dance ~ you know, that sort of thing.  They weren't too heavy on religion (which is probably why I agreed to go) but it did seep through given the fact that it was based in a church.  

Anyway, the typical librarian looking mom-types were there to get things rolling every week pushing us to turn out like decent human beings as opposed to the derelicts that we would otherwise surely become.  Being fairly new in the school system, I got to interact with more kids which was alright by me ~ keep in mind this is back when I was quiet and shy.

One night before Thanksgiving, we had our chairs in a circle and were supposed to go around and say what we were thankful for.  Based on the person that started, I was 1/4 to 1/3 of the way down the line.  Some kids said 'friends'.  Some kids said 'family'.  Some said both.  Then it was my turn.  I was so nervous but I spoke the truth.  I said I was thankful for the chance to live in freedom, have an education, and to be safe.  Of course I did add family and friends to round out the list.  Aaaannnddd.... crickets.  No, that isn't entirely true.  Crickets AND utterly blank stares all directed toward me.  Kind of like they were debating on whether or not I was kidding or if they should run or who knows what.  but everyone was clearly taken aback by what I'd said.  After a moment, the next person continued on... friends, family, family and friends... and so on and so forth ad infinitum.  Or more correctly, until everyone had taken their turn.

Not ONE other person that spoke after me (which was 2/3 - 3/4 of the group) added anything different, with the exception of one kid who was thankful for his dog.  Not one adult spoke up and added anything other than the aforementioned F&F.  

You may wonder why this is even a point for discussion.  To be honest, I'm not sure, but every single year, without fail, I think of that night.  I'm not sure if I was irritated because out of all the things in the world, every single person there was just thankful for F&F?  Nothing else?  Really?  Must be nice living in your own little bubble you self-absorbed simpletons.  Or maybe it was because no one found things like an education, etc, important enough to even mention making me seem like an immense weirdo.  I mean, I totally opened the door to something other than F&F there, so no one had to be afraid to be 'first' to mention something other than what their friends had said.  Or perhaps it was the fact that the adults, that were supposedly put there to provide guidance, couldn't provide anything more than the 12 year old next to me.  I think it was a lesson in disappointment.

So what am I thankful for now?  My willingness to open my big mouth.  Still.
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