Just something I have to get off my chest then I'll be back within a week. Could be a day - could be six, who knows. And I'll trot around Blogland then. Anyway.
There was something in my life that coincided with '9/11'. Technically, it was a few days prior. I don't recall the exact date but, well, I'm obviously going to remember it as 'the promise I made to myself just days before 9/11'.
So it has been 10 years since I made this promise. I really don't know if it was wise or not, but done is done. Sometimes I maintain it out of willpower, other times, out of sheer stubbornness. Never, EVER let it be said that I am anything less than tenacious. Ok, or stubborn. It really is such a close call there.
Experiencing what I have in the past year makes me rethink this promise. And I suppose I should say it was less a promise than an angry, hate filled, confused, pain laden declaration made by an undiagnosed/unmedicated bipolar individual...me. But, it sounded good at the time and I stuck with it.
The issue now is that it is habit. Ten years of living this makes it a no-brainer, so in order to change it, I will have to rewire all my circuitry. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! And I don't know if is worth it. Or if I can do it. Or if I WANT to change it. I think I do, but I have convinced myself so thoroughly that the past 10 years is the way to go about things.
Madness: Membership has it's privileges. No wait... that was MasterCard.
2 comments:
Mastercard is an evil dream that peddles plastic in a pleasingly usable form that then makes you scream when the bill sails through the door.
Just saying.
Hope to see you back soon.
Yes, I just looked at my bill... $1500 this month. ACK! But I put almost everything on there then pay it off. Still... ACK!!!
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