And the beat goes on

I've given myself time to reflect on the situation and offered distance so that I can write about this without getting worked up.  Still, it will remain fairly brief and to the point so as not to incite any internal riots.

The issue with the medication got worse.  I was in the ER three times and had a two day hospital stay.  Let's just say that the drug took over.  While sleeping, my heartrate was a low 47 (normal for me) and within about 5 seconds it hit 130 beats per minute.  That is almost triple the rate instantly.  Yeah.  We're still working on it, I'm living in a mild cloud of sedation to stay calm because this triggered anxiety I didn't know I had and compouned everything.  Tuesday I go back to the cardiologist to see if I get to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours.  If my heart is ok, then good.  If not, they have to do a cardioversion (see last post).  To be clear, my heart itself is perfectly strong and healthy, albeit a bit weary at the moment.  The drug just hijacked it and we are hoping it left no effects to be undone by modern medicine.  It was not a good week.

But I did learn something.  I have this new clarity on my role in life and how I fit in.  I suppose that happens when you are sure you are on your way out.  More on that later but I think that is a positive thing.

Unfortunately... last night we got a call that my cousin Nicole in California (not the whacked out one, but her sis) just had her hip replacement (she's 41!) and although the surgery went well, she had a reaction to the anesthetic which put her into congestive heart failure and caused aspiration pneumonia! It is still touch and go. I'm assuming since her heart (and the rest of her) was fine prior to the procedure that this can be reversed.  I'm really hoping, anyway.

Late this morning, we got a call that my cousin Carol Lee (in Pennsylvania) is in the hospital. She's been on some med for nerve pain for years and they just increased her dose... later in the day someone found her collapsed on the floor. She is in the hospital and is partially paralyzed - they have no idea what is going on but they think it's from the med b/c every thing else is ok. This is the same part of the family where Veronica's (Carol's mom) son was believed to be murdered about 8 years ago, her other daughter died 2+ years ago and about 6 months ago her nephew was tasered and suffocated by the state police. Veronica and my gram are sisters. Now this. Ok, seriously? WTF is with this family? They don't know if Carol will be ok as the extent of the damage hasn't been fully determined.

Life is a funny thing and you'd better do with it what you want... now.

It's not as bad as it sounds.  I mean, yeah, it's bad, but I've really learned something and I think it was just what I needed to get myself unstuck.  Harsh lesson, eh?

Be well my friends.