Before I address the post title, I want to tell you all something that I've done. I thought it was utterly selfless and pure. In the end I came to the conclusion that it wasn't. To make a long story short, I did an assload (yes it's a word - look it up) of charitable giving this year. I did my usual check writing then I kept going. I went to several stores and purchased clothing and sundries for Homesafe which is a shelter for women and children. Then I gave to two+ animal shelters/organizations. Every item I gave was picked by my very own little hands. After that, a co-worker/friend's husband just lost his job. She was upset that she'd have to support them and their three children on her wage. She told them there would be no Christmas gifts this year. Yeah. So off I go to secretly buy gifts for all five of them and their three dogs. I put the giant gift wrapped package in her car but never told her what I'd done only requesting that she open it when the family was all together. I have yet to see if she was ok with it or was offended and wants to kill me. After spending quite a bit of money, do you know what I learned? I like doing this. Spending money I thought I didn't have and personally picking the items out (remember, I hate shopping) gave me some sort of connection. They are me, they are you. This year, with my mother's cancer, something happened in my head. Often, I can't connect either because I just can't or I don't want to. This makes me feel personally connected without actually being there. Someone knows that another person cared enough to buy them clothing, to get nightshirts for their kids, quality food for the animals and fluffy towels to curl up on. They don't need to know who, they just need to know that someone cares. I like knowing that I helped give them that feeling. I guess it's the feeling of being wanted. I learned so much this season.
Oh, and I'm in a nationally published magazine. Not by name, but with another person demonstrating use of some tech equipment. Huh. Kinda cool I guess.
Now, now, I'm sure you're wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I mean, this is simply not the place to come for a regular dose of feel-good posts, right? Ok. So here goes. I go in for some exploratory surgery in January. Basically, today is day # 18 of my period and it looks as if I'll easily make it to day #19 and from there, who knows? Pain. Nausea. And after 18 days, bright red blood. And nausea. Again. Blech. So I get the old D & C (Dusting & Cleaning...), an internal scope up ye olde hoo-hah and then a scope pushed into my abdomen so they can take a look-see and determine if a band of miniature gypsies have taken up residence in my ovaries. Thankfully I'll be out. Hell, I'll even bring my own tourniquet to do the anesthesia induction; and don't be chintzy with the Versed, damn it! What a way to get a week off work. Odd that someone can bleed for 18 days and live. And no, I'm not pregnant. Any jokes about it and I'll show you the level of PMS involved here. I feel like I've had the shit kicked out of me; talk about being totally whooped! I'm sure you can figure that every now and then I panic because of my mom just having cancer. Even so, I'm pretty sure it's not that severe. Most likely a cranky ovary or something relatively benign. Which I truly believe, but it's always somewhere way in the back of my murky little head.
And there you have it. This is the first day I've even felt up to posting. I wouldn't have been surprised if I came back to crickets and dust bunnies. Thanks you all for stopping by, that really means alot. Little by little, I'm getting to your blogs. I feel so lost because I've missed so much but I'll catch up.
So the moral of this post is that if you do nice things for others, you'll eventually bleed to death. Or something like that.
!!! If you really looked up 'assload', I'm going to find a way to smack you. ;)
15 comments:
Hi sweetheart, your post warmed my heart. It does feel good to pitch in and help others. And I hope your friend is grateful for the gesture since we also know that no good deed goes unpunished, lol.
I once bled for 19 months straight. No, that was not a typo. The doctor told me the only way to make it stop was to go on the pill. At the time, I was dead set against it. After 19 months, I said Give me those damn pills! Haha! I only had to take them for about 3 months, tho.
Anyway, I know you've got a lot of blogs to catch up on but if you feel like dropping by, I did venture back into blogland a few days ago. Drop by if you feel like it. renaissancejones.com
Merry Christmas, hon.
hello dear heart, yes. yes to the feeling of goodness that comes from doing those odd and thoughtful things (and watch out, good stuff comes back more than sevenfold into your life--I know, doesn't seem possible, but it will).
And--I have been thinking of you and your mother. May your medical procedure (big bad words, those) come up with simple explanations. Gypsies encamped would be good, if they can be asked to leave, scattering blessings.
This evening, after a day at my daughter's--Christmas celebrations--my youngest son, Gabe, said his heart was hurting. Or we thought hurting, sometimes it is hard to tell with Gabe.
Much drama.
Turns out it was that the world is sad, and people are sad, and that makes his heart hurt sometimes. "They are crying. Sick. cold. Help them" he said, in tears, to his papa and me.
This after a day with toys and presents and fun.
He's fine now. Maybe I'll tell him about you, who were helping people--that will cheer him up more. Yesterday he and his dad went to the shelter and to the prison with nice things and fruit and books. But he said today "not enough".
You know, sometimes I feel over my head here.
Renee - I must admit, being able to make the choice of how and what I give made a big difference to me. 19 months? Are you nuts?! Forget it. Now I know you are. I've had some changes going on over the past couple years and since my health is weird (not bad, just weird) we opted for this. He wanted to go the bcp route but since mom just had uterine cancer, we're going the 'cover all bases' route. ') Man, 19 months. You can bet I'll be around to visit very soon!
Jarvenpa - I've begun plans to make shopping choices when I see the opportunity to distribute as needed. Don't get me wrong, I don't have much to work with financially and am already helping my mother as she isn't working at the moment. Thankfully, I'm a talented shopper, example: gorgeous sweater tank was $59 for $1.00 brand new at the store. Knowing that I can do that absolutely thrills me. And it was $1.00 so I'm not flaunting cash. I'm sure that you influenced me with this. How could you not? I've always admired the many ways you've given.
Ah yes, the medical. Well, I'm all for the gypsies. They tend to have gorgeous dark hair and eyes and magical jingly jewelry. If I should jingle when I walk, that would be great fun...lol. What? That sound? Just my ovaries, no need for worry! (Not bad for ovarian jinnis.) There is a slight apprehension but, it is what it is already.
I can see where Gabe's comment would alarm you. He is very sensitive and if you think about it, your or my view of the world is much different than Gabe's. So when you add in his level of sensitivity, I think it must be near physically painful for him. Thankfully he has some wonderful examples of people that want to help right the wrongs. He sees the injustices and wants to balance the scales; heal the world as he sees it. Not such a bad thought. Watching the 'over your head' part of it may be a bit more difficult.
Btw, have you read Virgins of Paradise by Barbara Wood? My jinni reference made me think of it.
I actually prefer shopping for strangers than for my family or even myself... Sam and I often buy 'assloads' of groceries for the local food pantries and a few times have taken on a family who would otherwise have a very bleak Christmas - there are organizations that can hook you up with 'needy' families... they never see you and you never see them but they have lists of what they need... from pajamas to dinner and everything in between
I LOVE doing that stuff... my family doesn't NEED anything... I'm grateful for that!! and it bugs me, buying stuff for them when there are so many people out there who have NOTHING!!
anyway...
I too am having menstrual issues... but the opposite of yours... skipping periods and very light ones when they do come (I know sounds GREAT, right?) hehehe
but I have wicked PMS for weeks at a time... and of course I KNOW it's not normal... so as pleasant as it's been not getting my period - I'd really like to know why... even though I'm pretty sure I know
and NO I'm NOT pregnant either!! haaaa
Jeepers Creepers, she's found the meaning of Christmas!
Jokes aside, that's fantastic. It IS nice to do things for other people, it's great to make someone else feel good.
The karma will come back to you, guaranteed.
I do hope those gypsies vacate the premises quick-smart; they weren't invited invited to the party!
Let us know how it goes 'kay?
Oh, and a somewhat belated Merry Christmas, LiVEwiRe!!!
xxx
You may bleed to death but it will feel good and you know you have a good thing.
Good to hear from you, I was beginning to worry and thinking about sending a search party. Happy New Year!
peace
Kitty - It's a weird thing, in a way. I'm typically Ms. Skeptical and am certain my donations will be ill used. So there, don't expect me to be so trusting again...ha! Usually I do $ donations but I like this better. Given my frequent annoyance by the human race, it's sort of an ok type of thing. Seems I've determined that some are worth it. Now - this bleeding thing, or lack thereof. Have they recommended going on the pill/changing yet? I think you mentioned some issues with that before. Just seems that is their first line of fire. pillpillpillpill Gah! As for PMS, no one can tell if it's PMS, an agitated bipolar outburst or general bitch-mode for me. No one gets to experience all the other parts of pms tho, bloating, eating like a Hoover, ah yes... the fum of being a woman. ;) Keep me posted, will ya?
Terri - Lol... yes, and that, that, little Timmy kid with the crutch came for dinner. Bah Humbug! =) It was good to know that I could help behind the scenes even while being involved. Knowing what I did made someone else realize another person cared was a good thing. The gypsies - perhaps I could draw them away with gifts and such?? Not so. Gypsies are strong willed and the best I can hope for is a time-share ovary. ;)
Anonant - Often I think I should send out search parties for myself: yours would have had company! I was once told that 'all bleeding stops eventually' and I've really got to follow the solid sense there, no? Surely you see the wisdom. =)
I haven't been to the doctor yet - having trouble finding one (haven't been in a few years and my regular one took me off the regular patient list which means I'm last in line to get in and there's a 6 month waiting list) I got the name of another place I plan on calling on Monday
but I do fully expect to have them suggest 'the pill'
given my past experience with 'the pill' I'd REALLY prefer to try other things first... like diet/nutrition etc.
I'm NOT a fan of the pill (or the HORRIBLE migraines I got when I was on it!!)
as for the PMS - in my case it's not even so much the bitchiness as the bloating, tiredness, sore boobs, headaches, constipation/diarrhea, low back pain - of course I get the bitchiness too... but I think that comes with feeling like crap so much of the time!!
anyway hope we BOTH feel better soon!! =)
lmao. you're a mess. i'm glad o have you post again. you've been missed.
i'm so proud of you for doing all those charitable things this holiday season. that's awesome and very inspiring.
and i hope that you get these health issues under control soon. you are in need of a break, my dear!
take care of yourself. and hang in there. xoxo.
Sorry to drop by so late, but just to add a thought to those above, it is nice to give, and in the eighteen months I've been in my current job (philnathropists give us dosh, we give dosh to deserving causes on their behalf, many remain anon), I've seen so many acts of random kindness and charity it quite made me over into a complete beliver in philnathropic giving (which isn't as big here in the UK as in the USA).
The D&C sounds bloody awful, do hope it all goes (went?) well as can be hoped and that you're ok and not too run down by the whole thing.
And I will post properly this weekend, oh yes I will!
GD (tapping her little feet along to the Sisters of Mercy's Detonation Boulevard...sigh...!) xx
hello there. Well D & Cs are easy sessions and well as U have already mentioned you'll be out as u went in except for the bleeding which will remain in that room and they won't let you take it back with you :-) Crossing my fingers.
---
and happy nu year :-)
it sounded like a full year for you, livewire. but the good thing is, you've taken away a lot from it...you know, meaning, small miracles, life lessons and such.
here's to a great year ahead!
p.s. i hope you're feeling loads better.
Hey there, hope the Gypsies have by now moved on to other pastures somewhere far, far away. Oh my, this is starting to sound like a fairytale..!
I thought I'd just pop in & make sure you haven't been kidnapped and sold to the... well I was gonna say Gypsies but let's change it to Pirates to avoid mixing metaphors, or fairytales, or whatever. Although if I know you you wouldn't object to the whole Pirate thing now, would you ;-)
Ahem, ok so No, I don't have anything constructive to say and Yes, as you may have guessed it's really, really quiet here at work today.
Hey, Live - long time no speak.
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues - man oh man. My heart goes out to you, however belatedly. I hope you are feeling better now. I hope your mom is doing well, too. You had one hell of a year; I hope 2009 is full of contentment and health for you and yours! You are certainly deserving of it.
Now that I have a computer again, I may start blogging again... not sure yet. Lots has happened with me too.
Well, I'll stop by later. Best to you, and happy new year!
Kitty - Yeah, don't you love it - it you don't go to the doc every three months, they chastise you and you're of no importance to them. Some kind of crazy logic I suppose. I figure they'd that their money where they can in tough times just like everyone else. You know, I used to prefer diet/nutrition, etc but anymore, I'm more apt to stick to that if you give me some sort of treatment to jumpstart my health. Personally, I hate feeling like shit and if you could help me feel human again soon, I'll go along with the maintenance routine - honest!!!! Mentioning issues with the pill, I fully understand. Most I've been on were fine (2?,3?) then I tried a low dose one which totally knocked me on my arse. Backwards, no? You may need to keep trying or just a progesterone, or estrogen derivative. Or you could wear a testosterone patch and go a few octaves lower, teehee.
KT - Mess? Mess? Why whatever do you mean...lol. Isn't that the truth. But I typically smile my way through with the help of sarcasm and a whole lot of swearing. ;) Then again, you've had quite a year, too! Let's just tell ourselves it WILL get better; over and over and over again.
Ginger Doll - Detonation Blvd sounds like it should be one of my former addresses. ;) I don't think the D&C will be too big a deal but I can't say I'm thrilled at having someone scope me in various places. If it means fixing things, then as I tend to say, I'll "suck it up buttercup!" I never realized that donations and such were really that different from here to the UK. Of course, I have nothing to gauge that against. I know you do the best you can there and I'm sure it is appreciated. I never thought it would impact me in such a positive way but it really has. Keep up the good work! =)
Dr O2 - Hey there! So, want to assist on Monday at, well, it's something like 7:30am, eesh. You can sit there and hold my hand and tell me things will be fine until the anesthetic takes hold. Which for me is about 2.3 seconds - so really you'd have the rest of your day free. =) And yes, they'd better keep the bleeding!
illyria - Hello doll. What you said about coming away with things is so true. If I come away with nothing, then what was the point of going through the motions? I know you can identify. Here's to some happiness across the board in this new year.
Terri - Bwhahaha! Your comment had me in stitches! Oh wait, really, no pun intended. You're hysterically funny when you're bored at work. And yes, pirates are juuust fine by me! For the record, I think the gypsies are on strike for the time being.
ANNE- !!!!!!!!! Hi! So great to see you again! Of course you should blog, silly. But then again, only if you are ready. Tell yourself you can only post once a week. If you are enjoying it, then twice. There are things in life that, although enjoyable, can wear you out. I'm sure you'll want an outlet and when the time is right, you've got it. Just promise that you'll let me know! =) And as always, you can email me and let me know how you are. I'm sure so much has changed with you. Mostly though, I hope you are well. xo
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